Am I an Adult?

I mean, that's a stupid question...clearly I am an adult.

But I don't always feel like one. Or, I don't always feel like I always assumed an adult would feel like. More likely, I just always assumed that adults felt more responsible and capable than they really did...

I have no idea what the point of this is, other than it being a thought that crossed my mind yesterday. I'm 31, I am married, I have two(plus) kids and a prestigious graduate degree. As compared to an average American, I make a ton of money and own an extremely valuable home. I am a responsible, voting, tax-paying member of society.

In other words, I can't really argue that I am NOT an adult. It's just that, well, I rarely feel like I am!

I still wonder (often) how on Earth someone let me have children. Do you have any idea how responsible and clear-headed parents have to be??!? How can I possibly be that kind of person? Can someone that responsible get sucked into Real World/Road Rules Challenge Marathons? Of course not!!!

I've known adults all my life...some who were clearly NOT upstanding, tax-paying, productive members of society. But they still seemed a whole lot more mature and serious than I do. My Mother, for example, was a drunk and spent almost her entire adult life on public assistance...and there are a lot of people that are much less productive than even she was. But I bet they can all buy a cucumber without finding it awkward (I can't...sorry!).

Whenever I meet other parents my age, I always think of them as being older than me, and having their shit more together. Other day care parents? Most of them probably are a couple of years older than me, but not dramatically...and yet I assume that they are all just so much more, well, adult than I am. I am fully aware that this is an absurdly illogical idea, but I can't help but think it.

Maybe this is not a bad thing...maybe I am just viewing myself as staying young (says the girl who was in bed by 9:00 both nights this weekend). Or, possibly I am just delusionally clinging to a youth that is long gone. I suppose those are both kind of just different reads on the same thing:-)

Anyway, I have absolutely no point. I guess I just found myself yesterday thinking that I am probably a whole lot older than I think of myself!

My next career

I think we can all agree that I have a lot of talents. Some of those are even things I do with my clothes on! I've confirmed, however, that I have one more, which many of your will likely agree is of great value...mother-daughter mediator.

I have quite a bit of practice around this, largely because Munchkin's friends and their mothers often rely on my to broker peace around things like appropriate clothing, acceptable activities and reasonable dating rules.

As mentioned, The Boy and I took the girls to New Hampshire last weekend with five of his friends, their wives and their children. I also mentioned that it was 12 adults, 11 children and one teenager, which is a key part of this story...

The Boy's friend is married to a girl named Susie (no, that's not her real name.) I like Susie a lot, even if some of the other friends find her to be a little overly serious and kind of dour. She's very smart, but she can definitely be a little bit of a buzzkill. Not really the point of the story...

Susie is 37, and she has a 17 year old daughter from a previous relationship. I'll call her Alice. Alice has a serious boyfriend of several months now, and on Friday, she informed her mother that she wanted to go on the pill. When I talked to Susie about this on Saturday, she was legitimately freaking out about this...not entirely sure whether she wanted to lock her in a convent, applaud her maturity and send her to the doctor, or throttle her. She is smart enough (and...um...personally aware enough) to know that she would be a fool NOT to get her the birth control once she asked, but since she doesn't have any other friend with teenage "daughters", she was spilling this on me in case I had any thoughts on how to navigate.

Now...there were a couple of things I kept to myself. Like, Susie is assuming that Alice is considering having sex and planning for it. I would say it is more likely that she already started, but would rather be on the pill than have to keep buying condoms;-). But I didn't think that needed to be verbalized:-D.

I started to tell her to first take a deep breath and relax, because this could be sooooo much worse (like, "Mom, I need you to buy me a pregnancy test..."). Then, in a wonderful bit of timing, Alice happened to walk out of the house onto the patio that we had been sitting on. And in a rare bit of levity, Susie playfully told her "Come on out, we were just talking about your sex life." Which was incredibly awkward for a second, and caused Alice to turn an immediate shade of bright red. But then actually led to a sort of reasonable discussion:-).

My basic take on this is..."Do what you think is right. Do what you are comfortable with because it is what you want to do. Make your own decisions knowing that you have to live with the consequences. And remember, your first time will always be your first time. It is not gonna be magical and romantic like a movie...just try to make sure that, when you look back on this 15 years later, your remember it and the person involved fondly."

Then I talked to Munchkin yesterday, and she told me that she had gotten an email from Alice (who she is friendly with) saying "Your sister is magic. Somehow I had a conversation with my mother about sex and it didn't make me want to jump off a bridge."  I also got a note directly from Susie thanking me and telling me how much better she feels about the whole thing, and about her daughter's decision making process and her own ability to talk to her about it.

So, I felt pretty good about myself. And there you have it...the foundation of my next career: mother-daughter mediator!!!

(Of course, when she forgets to take her pill and ends up pregnant at 19, I am gonna hide!)

When I grow bigger...

My favorite bit of running commentary from the girls these days is the list of things they can do when they "grow bigger".

It's a lengthy, somewhat random list that includes:

• Stand in the middle of the swimming pool
• Drive
• Drink soda
• Take things off of counters
• Use scissors
• Eat spicy food
• Sleep in big kid beds
• Take showers
• Watch scary shows and movies
• Go running

 The list is actually quite long, but I have trouble keeping track of everything.

Chaos...

Quick vacation coming up this weekend...with some of The Boy's friends and their wives and children. Grand total? 12 adults, 1 teenager, 11 younger children. 1 House (with 10 bedrooms). I'm expecting it all to be very quiet, orderly and organized, right..?

It should be really fun. They are all fun people, and there should be just enough shenanigans to make us feel young, and then remember in the mornings that we are definitely not...(well, the rest of them, at least...I'm younger than they are!). We are going up to Conway, NH just to hang out and probably go to Storyland, to which I have never been but everyone seems to love. Some of the older kids may go to the alpine slides at Attitash, but I think the girls are probably a little young for that.

It is not quite the peak of the foliage, but it should be starting to turn the magnificent orange/yellow/red that only fall in Northern New England can really create. I'm assuming that there will be some pretty spectacular views to be had...and hopefully some nice weather to enjoy them!

----------

Backing up a bit, Munchkin made her first trip to Washington, DC to see Frenchie two weeks ago, which went swimmingly well, and he is coming up to see her on Columbus Day weekend. They are definitely both adjusting to college, but they seem to be figuring it out in their own way. It won't be easy for either of them - they are young and they both attract a lot of attention and, well, college... - but I feel like they will figure out some way to make it work.

Somewhat helpfully (maybe) Smoking Hot Roommate and The Rocket Scientist maintained a childhood relationship all the way through college 3,000 miles apart, so Munchkin has at least one guide if she needs it. I don't know of any two people who could maintain a relationship exactly in the way that those two did...but maybe she can offer some guidance, at least.

Munchkin is loving school, though. She likes her classes so far, she has made a million new friends and is just loving the whole atmosphere and the newness of it. We still talk almost every day, and she has something new to be excited about every day. I'm just really, really, really happy for her...she is on top of the world!

----------

I was traveling last week, which is part of the reason I've been blog-quiet. And I won't tell you specifically where I went, because I will tell you that it is the winter home of Alyson at So Midwestern's somewhat-mysterious non-boyfriend, The Coach. I did not, however, do even one little bit of stalking...although I totally would have if she asked me to!!! I did take advantage of the hotel's spa, though, and I am absolutely going to try and expense that massage and see if someone approves it...hee hee. If I had to fly across the country, it seems like a reasonable accommodation, right? I'm glad you all agree...

----------

Things that make my heart swell up for no apparent reason: I was out a couple of weeks ago with some girlfriends, and a friend of mine told me that she had seen Munchkin the day before. I asked her where, and she told me that she was near her school for a morning meeting so she called her to meet for lunch. I'm not sure why I find that so adorable...I guess that I just like knowing that other people are looking our for her:-).

----------