A full-blown grownup...

Quick check-in on a couple of things...

First: the house fell through. There were some potentially major structural issues that the engineers just couldn't quite scope out without doing some serious investigating. It was possible that the whole building was going to need to be torn down and rebuilt, but there was really no way to tell for sure without starting to rip some stuff apart. So, we passed rather than take on the potential for major negative surprises.

Then there is another place that was intriguing but is kind of a development project. It is currently five 1,000 square foot units, each taking up one floor of a building. We have talked a little bit with a friend of The Boy's who is a developer about converting it into a smaller number of larger units including one for us to live in. He and his wife just had a baby and are looking to move and might or might not be interested in the other half. It could be two 2,500 sq ft units (the third floor would be half in the lower unit, half in the upper) or one that is three floors and one that is two.

There is also some basement space that could be finished, and there is the possibility of making one larger unit (that we would live in) and several smaller rentals, either in the current single-floor layout, or in smaller one-bedroom and studio units. Or, the basement and first floor could be rentals and we could build two 2,000 sq ft upper units.

All of which is to say: nothing yet, but we're thinking about it and The Boy's friend is thinking about it both as a residence and as a potential development opportunity. More to come, maybe...

Second: in one week, the baby girls will turn SIX YEARS OLD! Time flies...

Third: if that makes you feel old, then this is going to make it worse. I just got back from a four-day Las Vegas bender to celebrate the twenty-first birthday of my favorite little sister... That's right, the skinny little ten year old that moved in with me in August of 2005 is now a brilliant, smart, funny and absolutely gorgeous woman who can buy her own booze! (Not relevant: she's been able to buy her own booze since she was 17...)

Big Sis, Smoking Hot Roommate and I took her and 8 of her friends to Las Vegas for the weekend and us old broads showed them all how the city is supposed to work. They are all substantially more controlled and less boy-crazy than I think I ever was, but we got them to let their hair down for a bit. There was an enormous amount of eating, and drinking and gambling (the tables were kind to me and VERY kind to Big Sis!) and general rabble rousing, and a whole lot of teasing unsuspecting boys. I had a blast, I think they all did, too, and there was very little that can't be shared as funny stories in mixed company. So, success!!!

She has a job in Boston this summer, and Tinkerbelle is coming for the whole summer again, which leaves me with something of a space problem. Munchkin is probably just going to stay at Smoking Hot Roommate and/or Big Sis' house for the summer, or just bounce between her various bedrooms and couches in all three places like an adorable little vagabond. Either way, it means that I finally have both sisters together in the same place at once for an extended period!!! Yay!!!

Making Plans

It looks like we have school figured out for the girls, and not surprisingly they are going to go to the same school that Munchkin went to. While that means a lot of years of a lot of tuition bills, it made the most sense and it is a place that I know we'll be comfortable with and the girls will do great.

As I mentioned, the public schools in Boston are terrible, and they are not neighborhood schools...you don't go to a school based on where you live. Incoming students fill out a preference form and then get assigned based on requests, a lottery and very squishy rules around "fairness". Most kids get one of their there top choices, but many do not, and many end up with really, really inconvenient assignments.

There were two elementary schools that we would have considered sending the girls to. One is in the South End (pretty much right on the other side of Boston Common from us) that is one of the very few truly excellent elementary schools in the city and would be pretty convenient for us, and one in the North End (pretty much right across Government Center/Fanueil Hall from us) that is also quite good but would be less convenient.

The good news is that they got assigned to the one in the North End. In that sense we were really lucky...those are both highly demanded schools, and the girls were really fortunate to get into one of them. Being twins helps, since they always keeps siblings together, so they both essentially get whichever lottery number is lowest among the two of them.

Now, the bad news. The quality of individual public city schools is very fluid. Because of the way the students get assigned, there are very few of the inherent advantages that tend to make schools good year over year (read: consistently committed parents). The North End is relatively insulated because the universe of people who want to go there every day is kind of limited, but there is really no way to be sure that the school will remain a high-achiever for the next 8, 10 or 12 years. It is a naturally transient population, even among families, and that worries me. I guess it wouldn't be the biggest deal to have to pull them out in a couple of years if the circumstances change, but I'd rather not go through with it.

Also, anyone who has ever been to Boston's North End will quickly remember how difficult it is to get anywhere with any regularity. While the school is just about one mile from our condo, it is a VERY LONG mile. There's a bunch of one-way streets and an awful lot of traffic. It's too long for the girls to walk, at least for a couple years, but there is no easy way to drive there. On a good morning, it is a 15 minute drive. My guess is that there were days this winter that it took nearly an hour and a half. On any morning, it's highly unpredictable, which means allotting at least a half hour for the trip to school and spending a lot of time waiting because we are there early. But still being late some days. In short, it makes just getting to school every day a huge frustration.

So, in the end, we are going to send them to private school, which I am not totally thrilled about and which will cost a whole bunch of money. But, I know the school, I know the teachers and the staff and I am very comfortable with them. Plus, I get to go back to walking to school on my way to work:-)

More Schools

Good comment from Nilsa on my last post, and my response was getting too long, so I am just going to post it. First, the comment:

"Wait wait wait, are you trying to tell me that by putting your kids in private school, they'll "be around people who look and talk and think differently than they do."????? Or you're saying that by living in the city that happens and by putting them in private school, you ensure they get a great education?"

And yea, that didn't really come across as I meant to write it, I guess;-). Because no, kids in private schools are not going to come across a whole lot of diversity in the classroom. Well, certainly not socio-economic diversity, at least...my sister's school (where the girls will probably go) has a remarkably broad mix of races, ethnicities and religions; it does not have much in the way of economic diversity.

I mean that cities do that for kids. If lived in, say Weston or Dover or some other town like that, the kids would see the same kids at school for 12 years, and they would also see those same kids in their youth soccer and basketball leagues, and in dance classes, and at church (just pretend I go to church) and in girl scouts, etc. It would be pretty difficult to avoid that, since many of those programs are specifically limited to kids within that town.

My sister basically went to school with the same kids from 4th through 12th grade, and they were FAR from a cross-section of humanity. But she played little league with kids from Roxbury and basketball with kids from Allston and Brighton, her very brief foray into Girl Scouts was mostly with girls in Cambridge (which isn't technically Boston, but whatever:-P) and she did some summer camps with kids from everywhere in Boston. Those were very often kids who lived very, very different lives than the kids she spent her days with...and it is hard to replicate that outside of an urban environment.

Beyond that, it just has to do with what you see on a daily basis. Walk into a Starbucks in Needham, and you will see an awful lot of people who live in Needham...and chances are they have a world view pretty similar to everyone else in the store. Walk into a Starbucks in Downtown Crossing, however, and who knows what the hell you'll find. Mind you, that is pretty obviously NOT always good.  Most of the suburbs in question are safe and welcoming and provide a communal commitment to nurturing kids that can be absent in a city. I could never tell my 10 year old sister to ride her bike to soccer practice, for example. Frankly, I'd never have let her walk into Starbucks in Downtown Crossing by herself, either! That's a pretty scary idea.

But growing up riding public transit? Having the major museums and the theater district across the Common? And being able to drop in for some authentic dim sum beforehand?  Walking to school among professionals on their way to work? Seeing waves of tourists from every corner of the world on a daily basis? And the constant mass of students? I like all of that. I want my kids to think that is totally normal.

{Warning - we are entering the "overly broad racial generalizations" portion of this post}

There is another peculiarity about Boston...there are very few places to live where you will truly get a cross-section of the populace. The city itself is diverse at the macro level, but not so much at the neighborhood level. Back Bay, Beacon Hill and the South End? You'll see lots of different faces and hear a lot of different accents, but you won't find many poor people. Allston, Brighton, South Boston, Jamaica Plain, Roslindale, West Roxbury? There is a lot of economic breadth in those places, and varying age demographics...what there is not a lot of are brown people.  Roxbury, Mattapan, Mission Hill? They are as dark as the other places are white.

The suburbs are, broadly, very white. The biggest exception is probably Brookline, which is the most racially diverse, but also the most expensive (it's geographically the closest, and it draws much of its diversity from the area's many doctors and professors). The burbs tend to be affluent, and the minorities tend to be mostly Asians that went to the same schools and have the same jobs as everyone else  That's an oversimplification, but the general idea is that there are very, very few places around Boston that are truly diverse, multicultural places. The ones that are...Quincy, maybe Dedham...don't have the school systems that make the others so attractive.

Which is all a long-winded way of saying that I am concerned about raising sheltered kids. I didn't lead a sheltered life, and I think I am better for it. I did my best to make sure that my sister didn't, either, and she is better for it, too.  Is it the answer for everyone? No, and I'd never tell anyone else what they can or should do. I know plenty of people who grew up in those lovely suburbs (like, um, the husband in question!) who turned out to be be perfectly well-adjusted adults, and plenty of people who's kids will do great by those towns. But, it's what my husband and I think is best for us and our kids, and it's what we're gonna do...tuition be damned!

School Days

Lovely to touch base with some of you that I have lost contact with (Hi Ally, Hi Nilsa!)...and you're already giving me more blog ideas! That means two posts in one week...watch out for other signs of the apocalypse...

On Monday, I noted that the girls start school in the fall, and that we hadn't yet ironed out the details, but that it will almost certainly mean private school..."I'd rather not spend that kind of money on elementary school, but that's the price of urban living, I guess."

Nilsa, who's son is just a little younger than the girls, responded because she faces an almost identical circumstance: "I HATE THAT! It's the exact same way in Chicago. The public school system is a mess. ...  It's exactly why we WILL vacate the city next year. We will not pay property taxes for a school system we do not use."

First of all, I can confirm, firsthand, her impressions of the Chicago Public Schools;-). If it's data you want, Zillow offers rankings of schools as a part of its data set, and of the 127 public High Schools in their database in Chicago, 37 of them are currently rated 1 on a scale of 1 to 10. Yes, you read that right...1/3 of the public high schools have the lowest possible rating!!! (BTW...I graduated from one of them...Class of '01 Whoop!). The results in Boston are pretty similar...22 public high schools have ratings, and six of them are 1's. Making the story even worse...the only schools that have scores above 3 are admission schools - public schools, but kids have to test into them.

The basic message being clear: we pay a lot of money for our schools (Boston spend over $20,000 per pupil, an extraordinarily high figure) and those schools are terrible. So terrible, in fact, that concerned parents of school-aged children, people like Nilsa and her husband, tend to flee the city if they can find any way to do so. They flee for the near suburbs which, in Boston at least, boast some of the country's best public schools. Boston compounds its problems by eschewing local schools in favor of an absurd busing system that shuttles kids all over the city, destroys the sense of community and has the net effect of making ALL of the schools as bad as the worst local school would be.

{This is a super long story, and it's more complicated than that...there have been some efforts made recently to roll back the busing, especially at the elementary level, and as a result the elementary schools in middle and upper-middle class places like Roslindale and West Roxbury have improved, but the damage done by busing was catastrophic and likely permanent.}

But we're not moving, and never actually even considered it. And yes, I know that we're crazy and will end up spending somewhere well into the hundreds of thousands of dollars to send the kids to school, but I just can't bring myself to move to the burbs. I'd be miserable! The Boy is much the same way, too. He grew up in one of those leafy suburbs, so he is more equipped to handle it than I am, but he's still not the least bit interested in moving. Of note, his Twin Sister is much the same, but his two older siblings live in suburban New York.

You know what else? I want to have hip city kids:-) I want kids that grow up around the sights and sounds and smells of an urban environment. I don't want to put on my social justice warrior hat, but I'd rather my kids be around people who look and talk and think differently than they do. [I'd also like to fully note the obvious inconsistencies in my theory...just go with it]. I don't want them to go to school and play sports and take dance classes and do all of their other extracurricular activities with the same 250 kids from ages 5-18.

I may also be spoiled by my first foray in urban parenting, which has resulted in one of the coolest people on the planet, and one who would absolutely not be who she is if she had grown up anywhere else. She's bold and confident and adventurous and she makes friends fast and she's incredibly nice without being a pushover and she is all sorts of awesome in a way that I think is heavily influenced by where she grew up.

That then, is how we came to where we are. It's a drag to pay a whole bunch of money for something that we are already paying for via property tax, but it's something we're willing to do in exchange for all of the benefits that come with living where we do.

Proof that my Ovaries Have Not Totally Shriveled

I'm not having any more kids. Let's get that straight right away. There are reasons I have verbalized, and reasons that I sort of keep to myself (and a few other people), but the issue is decided. There shall be no more children. Heck, I would have been very unlikely to sign on for a second one had The Boy not gone and knocked me up twice at once (to trick me into having two, no doubt).

Now that we have that straight...

A couple of days before Christmas, MA started to tell us that she really wanted Paw Patrol for Christmas. Paw Patrol is a show in Nick, Jr. about six quasi-superhero dogs, but it is a new enough show that there is really no merchandise available (if it were Disney, they'd have half of Kids R Us stocked already). So, we had told her that Santa might not have Paw Patrol, but that she would love whatever he brought her.

On Christmas Eve, The Boy was putting them to bed, and I happened to be right outside of the door listening to the conversation. MA told him "If I don't get Paw Patrol, I won't be upset," and he complemented her on being such a big girl and reminded her that Santa would do his best to bring her things she would really love. Then, LK told him "If we don't like what Santa brings us, we won't cry!" And he reminded her that, while that was true, she would love what Santa brought her because Santa does a great job of trying to make little girls happy.

Next, she asked if Critters get Christmas presents. "Critters" is her word for her stuffed animals, and the most important, most inseparable of the Critters is a bear dressed as a bumble bee who goes by "Bumble Bear". Bumble Bear is about three years old, and has gone EVERYWHERE with her for those three years. And she just couldn't understand why Bumble Bear wouldn't get a present from Santa, and wasn't going to accept his explanation that critters didn't get presents. Which meant that he made the quick decision to re-address one of their presents to be for the critters...

Listening to all of this, which is totally representative of the way that he interacts with the girls, just made me all warm and fuzzy inside, and led me to stand in the hallway with a really ridiculous smile on my face. He is just so good at this. And there, for maybe half a moment, there was a part of me that almost decided to tell him "Get me pregnant again RIGHT NOW!!!"

The mood passed as quickly as it came, but it was definitely there for a second...

I've been silent for a while, but that's not a result of anything bad or really anything noteworthy at all. Girls are great, Munchkin is great...life is, basically, really good. I'll try to be a little more active in the new year...but until then, if I don't check in again, I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas, a very joyous Holiday if you celebrate something else, and that you are ready to tackled the New Year with Gusto!!!

The Sad Hopefully-Not-End of the Great Trans-Atlantic Romance of 2008...

Sadly, the love story of the century has run into some complications...

College, as you are all likely aware, is a tough place to maintain a relationship. Especially a long-distance relationship, and especially when you are both super hot and very social. There are just too many attractive people around, too much flirting, too much fun to be had and too much judgment-impairing activities going on.

Not surprising, then, that Munchkin and Frenchie have hit a bit of a rough patch. They are not "broken up", but they are less together than they were two months ago. I would describe it as "struggling to find a balance."

Their original plan was to try and enjoy school without being super-clingy (from 400 miles apart). That sounded great in theory, but it is much harder in practice...which, sparing you the details (which aren't that scandalous, but I will keep them offline...You can email if you are that interested) led to some hurt feelings in both directions. No one did anything terribly regretful, and there was no kind of major blow-up, it has just been harder than they imagined.

I remain amazed at their maturity level...neither of them really blames the other one, or thinks that they did something "wrong" (well, at least she doesn't...I can't speak for him), but neither of them is really happy with the way things are. It seems to me like the options were to double down and basically declare a strict and deep devotion to each other, or to kind of step back and take a bit of a breather. They chose the second one.

I didn't really have any input in that decision, but I am glad that they decided to go that way. I think it gives them the best chance at remaining together in the long run, and I think it will give them both a better idea of how lucky they are to have each other. Nothing gives you an appreciation for a low-drama relationship like starting some high-drama ones:-).

They still have some work to do to figure out where they are now...I think we will see him at Thanksgiving, and she is still tentatively planning on going to Paris over her winter break. And she is not totally 100% happy...she's worried, and for good reason, that they will just not be able to find a happy balance. But she's at peace with their decision, and I am, as always, happy with her thought process and her approach.

So, fingers crossed, I guess. Whatever happens, she will be fine on the other end, but I hope that the other end somehow involves him. She loves him deeply, and he has been very good for her. And I would sort of miss having him around:-)

Fall

As it seems to do every year, Fall brings nothing if not a series of really packed weekends! Between catching up with people I haven't seen all summer, back-to-school related things and just general Fall events, the schedule fills up really, really quickly. Some highlights...

Last week started with sending Munchkin off to school, then The Boy left town for a couple of days for a conference, but not wanting to miss the first college-era chicken fingers, I got a babysitter on Thursday so we could go out. Then, since I already had the sitter, I met up with some girlfriends afterwards and probably stayed out too late:-). It was, as always, an interesting conversation about a lot of things, some of which involve parenting and marital issues that I may talk about some more later.

Friday night was a spectacularly relaxing night at home with The Boy that seems like the first in a very, very long time. It may or may not have been led by a series of slightly suggestive text messages, and also may or may not have been just a tad bit mischievous:-). But whatever, the girls went to sleep early, I hadn't seen him pretty much all week and he knows just how to make me feel like the most desirable girl in the world...mischief simply can't be avoided sometimes.


Saturday started with a birthday party and then a trip to bring the girls to see Munchkin's dorm and then an Oktoberfest thing with some of The Boy's friends (after an artificially roundabout drive so that they could get a reasonable nap in the car). For basically being a beer festival, it was surprisingly family-friendly! By the time we got back home, the girls were exhausted and fell right into bed, which is always nice. Then I got a killer foot massage...that may have actually been the highlight of the entire week.

The girls had another birthday party to go to on Sunday, which devolved into a dozen or so three-year olds jumping in a kiddie pool. Fun had by all! After nap time, we met up with some of their day care friends and took a pretty lengthy walk for dinner. All in all, not a bad weekend.

This weekend includes another party at a friend of The Boy's, and swimming lessons (I think...I have to check on that) and dinner plans. Sunday means the beginning of soccer, and a cookout if we can squeeze it in, too. Busy, busy, busy!!!

Choosing Children

Stephen Colbert suggests that we all pick a favorite child, but not tell our children which one it is. That will keep them guessing...

I may not have picked a favorite child, but I did have to pick one to bring to France with us, and LoriS-C asked me how I made that choice. Which means someone else probably wondered, too, so here's the answer...

It's a combination of things. LK needs less sleep, and she is much better when skipping a nap or taking a short nap. She can also concentrate longer, so she'd be better on the plane...she can color or read books quietly for longer stretches. She is also smaller, by about 3 pounds, which makes her easier to carry when need be.

But she is also a little more high-strung...and more a creature of habit. MA kind of rolls with things, and I feel like she will just be a little bit easier to have away from home for that long. LK has also gotten into a bit of a habit of throwing tantrums over what amounts to essentially nothing, and I would rather not deal with that!

So, MA gets the prize and gets to come with us! And LK gets her Daddy all to herself, which she will enjoy very much. I'd be pretty surprised if she slept in her own bed more than half the time:-). I think The Boy is looking forward to it quite a bit...they may have a dinner date every single night...

It's the first time they have been apart for this long, so I have no idea how they will react. It will probably be weirder for LK, because she will still be at school with her friends and teachers, but no sister. For MA, everything will be so different that not having her sister may not be as notable. They will definitely miss each other, that's for sure!

Some Bad, Some Good...

Busy stretch around here, filled with all kinds of highs and lows....

I'll back up to last week, when The Boy's Uncle died, somewhat suddenly. He had a heart attack a couple of weeks ago, and the initial prognosis was actually quite good, but then he developed an infection and his kidneys stopped working, and then there were a couple of weeks where he seemed like he was getting better, only to deteriorate. Finally, it was simply too many things at once, which probably combined with his deep longing for his wife, deceased five years ago to take him.

That made for an emotional week, not at all helped by what proves to be a somewhat messy situation between his two sons. They don't get along at all, and while they are very different, they are both, in different ways, totally self-absorbed. Also, son #2 has a son and an ex-wife that complicate things...but probably not how you would guess. I'll spare you the details (they aren't secret...I'll happily tell you if you are curious, but they are long!) but there is a little bit of money, and two houses and no will. It could be very simple, or it could be very complicated, depending on whether the sons choose to make it so. And as something of the resident family expert on such matters, The Boy may end up getting dragged into it.

But, for the love of God, people...write a will. It's not that hard, and it's not that expensive.

So, the funeral was Friday, and it got worse from there! Papa Bear's adorable, beloved golden retriever died on Sunday:-(. She's been around for longer than I've been around these parts, and she was just the best dog in the world:-). The girls loved her, and have been very good about giving her gentle hugs and head pats all summer long because they knew that she didn't feel good.

She was very healthy until earlier this summer, when she seemingly hurt her hips and had trouble walking. But it turned out that she hadn't hurt her legs at all, but had actually gotten a very fast-growing tumor in her stomach that just basically sapped all of her energy. She never seemed to be in any discomfort, but she got very lethargic and lost her appetite, and within the last week and a half she couldn't stand up on her own (she could still walk...she just needed help getting upright!) and stopped eating entirely.

Papa Bear had already decided as of Saturday night that he was going to have to have her put down on Monday morning when the vet opened, but she died peacefully with several people around her on Sunday afternoon. And yes, I am crying writing this:-).

I told the girls that she was very, very sick, and that she had to leave us to go to Heaven, but that she would be with her doggy Mommy and doggy Daddy. We had been preparing them for that for a couple of days;-). They were a little sad, but didn't seem too phased by it...they asked who came to pick her up to take her there:-)

Enough with the sad news, and on to the good stuff...Great Euro Trip 2013 kicks off on Thursday!!! Munchkin, MA and I leaving for Paris for about five days, and then Nice for the rest of the following week, returning on Sunday. I doubt I'll blog, but I will have my laptop, so maybe I will...

Until then, though,

Au Revoir!

Embarrassing motherhood admissions

I've never totally felt like I am entirely, 100% comfortable as a mother. I suppose I am not sure that anyone is, but it seems to come much more naturally to a lot of women than it does to me. Which, I suppose, is sort of odd, since I have more experience at it than just about all first-time Moms do...even if that experience is more with teenagers than with toddlers.

Which brings me to kind of an off confession, and one that is frankly even a little hard for me to believe. The Boy has to travel for a couple of days, and with Munchkin at the beach and Smoking Hot Roommate also out of town...I think this is the first time I have ever been solely responsible for them for this long.

I know, right? Kind of ridiculous...but every time he's been away, either Munchkin or SHR or my mother-in-law have been with me. I think there was a day when I took them to the beach by myself, but The Boy probably joined us the next day (or maybe late that night...) but I am like 99% sure that I have never actually been alone in charge of them for two whole days and nights in a row.

[Which is also a gross misrepresentation since they will be in Day Care all day both days]

Obviously, this shouldn't bother me...I mean, they are over three years old, and I am perfectly capable of feeding, bathing and dressing them, getting them to bed and getting them to school. I do that pretty much every morning anyway. I've managed to get them to this point in their lives without any major hiccups, so clearly I can handle two days of single-motherhood. And saying that I was "scared" would be an overstatement, too. I'm not actually concerned that something will go wrong.

But...um...yea...I'm also not totally and completely un-nervous, either.

So, um, yea, that is my confession for the day. My kids are over three years old and I have never actually been alone with them for two days at a time.

I'm hoping you won't need to wish me luck.

OK, OK, no more Munchkin bragging...after this last one...

I am full aware that I have written nothing of late other than stories about how awesome my sister is, and how much everyone loves her, me included. And I absolutely promise to stop, as I am sure that it is not the least bit interesting for most of you.

After this one more:-) And I will warn you right up front, this is incredibly stupid, and largely reads like a bad subplot in a John Hughes movie. But, it's my blog, I will write whatever I want!

As mentioned, Munchkin has a good boy friend from Generic Suburb, and she went to the Generic Suburban High School Prom with one of his friends last Friday night. She probably has half a dozen "good friends" from this school through this friend and through a girl in her previous class that is also a good friend (and was also at the same prom with another boy from the same group of friends.)

Munchkin's date, who I will call Billy for absolutely no reason, is a cute, sort of shy boy that she has known for a few years. He also has something of a crush on another girl in his class, who I will call Rachel for similar non-reasons. Billy wanted to ask Rachel to the prom, but he chickened out, waited too long and didn't ask her before another boy did...a boy who has been described to me only as "a douche."

During the prom, Munchkin was talking to Rachel, who she also knows through all of these kids, and was asked if she and Billy were dating at all. Munchkin told her that no, and that Billy probably would have much rather come with her. Rachel admitted that she was hoping Billy would ask her, and was disappointed that he never did...but didn't really know if that was because he really wanted to go with and had already asked Munchkin, or if it was something else.

So, Munchkin, playing Matchmaker, told Billy that he should ask Rachel to dance, and that he should tell her that he really wanted to ask her, and that he feels like an idiot because he waited so long. And not to be afraid to tell her that it was because he was nervous because he really likes her. And then maybe to kiss her, too:-).

Which he did, which led to Rachel ditching her douche of a date and heading out for the weekend with Billy and Munchkin and friends. And explains why Munchkin was so happy about her date leaving her for another girl:-)

Yea, I know that's a stupid story, but I found it cute!

Who do I want to be?

Oh, well Hi there, blog. It's been a while, no?

It has been a busy couple of weeks, and I haven't had anything that was dying to get out of my head and onto (virtual) paper, which means I haven't been here in a while. This could be why I am getting so many emails and comments from people offering to provide content for me;-)

So, let's see...where were we?

We have been doing a little bit of house hunting, but not making much progress at all. If you need any reason why, you can take a quick look at this brand new listing that is kind of indicative of what we would be looking for: a good-sized (but quite vertical) four-bedroom townhouse.  It has, obviously, one pretty obvious flaw. Or, 2.4 million of them, I suppose. I'm also pretty sure that it does not have any parking, either...

And yes, I am fully aware that this is an entirely self-imposed problem...we could buy ourselves a giant, lovely home in any one of a number of lovely suburbs. Suburbs that have some of the country's best public schools and rank as some of the most desirable places in the country for families. But you know what? I don't want to!!! (This could be where my daughters learned to have tantrums:-))

The Boy's friends (who seems to be drawn back to his hometown...which is one of those very lovely suburbs) and some of my friends all seem to be giving us the hard sell on the 'burbs. On lovely places like Belmont and Wellesley and Needham. And on slightly less 'burby-feeling places like Newton or Brookline. Or even more 'burby ones like Concord and Weston and Lexington and Andover. All of which make me want to gag just a little bit.

[That's not totally true...I could live in at least a small part of Brookline. Long-time readers may remember that my original plan when Munchkin was coming here was to move to Brookline because of it's close proximity to the city but excellent public schools. It also happens to be Smoking Hot Roommate's hometown. I will grant that anyone who lives in Coolidge Corner or inbound can still reasonably claim to live "in the city". But that's it.]

I am not sure that my disinterest in living outside of the city makes a lot of sense. It certainly doesn't make any sense to most parents of small children;-). I get a lot of really strange look from friends with little kids, or parents of the girls' friends. The most common question is usually something along the lines of  "But don't you want a house?" And no, I don't want a house, and it's not just because I can't stand the idea of doing yard work (although that is a big part of it!).

Most people will tell you that they wants some privacy and some space and the quiet that comes from having a buffer between you and your neighbors. But that's not who I am...I like being surrounded by people and noise and commotion. I like having people above and below me, or next to me. I like having people walk by our front door at all hours or the day. I'm a city kid, and I always have been and I always will be. I like the noise and commotion. The smells of restaurants (yea, I know, there are other smells, too). I hate...HATE...having to drive places.

Maybe I should say that again. I DESPISE having to get in the car for anything other than a long trip. I abhor it. Loathe it. Despise it. I wish I had a bigger vocabulary to get this point across;-)


The second question is always "But what about school?" and that one is a lot more reasonable. School is a problem, and living here almost certainly means private school. There are some good elementary schools, and some charter schools as well, but Boston has an absolutely absurd method of allocating seats in its schools (it's a long story....there were riots) that makes it an almost unworkable solution in many cases. Most reasonable best-case would be private school through sixth grade and then hope they can get into Boston Latin School. Or shell out the much larger dollars for private high school. Or, finally make the dreaded move to the 'burbs:-)

But we're willing to live with that. I'm not sure that The Boy is as adamantly opposed to leaving the city as I am, but he isn't in any kind of hurry, either. And he has a little more complete experience to speak from than I do...

Am I irrational? Of course I am...there are towns that would cost less to live in, and be quieter and safer and more kid-friendly, and where the girls would go to the same excellent schools with the same group of kids from ages 5-18. And they would play soccer and little league with those same kids. But I also feel like they'd be missing out on a lot. There is a lot to be said for raising your kids in a sheltered place with a lot of people just like them.

But, there is also a lot to be said for raising hip city kids, too.  Kids who may go to school in a bubble, but learn to make friends and build relationships with people from all kinds of places literal and figurative. Kids who simply can't ignore the world around them with all of its wonders and, yes, all of its tragedy.

Which usually leads to a thought that I keep to myself. "Don't you worry about raising your kids in a city environment?"

You know, as if I haven't done this before:-)

Snowbound

We have a HUGE storm coming, apparently, with the possibility of multiple FEET of snow dropping on us tomorrow into Saturday. Conveniently, The Boy is headed to New York tonight to help his brother with some light construction all weekend, and Munchkin is leaving for a ski weekend with her friends. That leaves me with the kids, and with a high likelihood of being snowbound all weekend.

Day Care is closing at 1:00 tomorrow, which means that I will either take the whole day off, or half the day (probably the whole thing.) I have also recruited Smoking Hot Roommate to bunker down with me, and she is not going to work a whole day, either.

There shall be pizza. There shall be cookies and ice cream. There shall be Reese's Peanut Butter cups, and potentially other candy as well. There will likely be other bad food. There shall also be (likely) multiple viewings of Cars.

What do we think...best weekend ever? Universal hatred by Saturday afternoon?

Both?

Solo Parenting

I was home yesterday with the girls, because day care was closed for MLK day. The Boy was working, and Munchkin was out all day...which meant a kind-of rare entire day with the girls by myself. When they were younger, that thought was actually a little bit scary...but now it is just kind of exhausting.

They are easy in the sense that they play together, they don't have huge tantrums, are completely potty trained and ask when they need stuff. They are difficult in the sense that they never, ever stop moving, or talking, and can make a mess roughly equivalent to a small tornado moving through the living room. I would estimate that something like 45% of the actual time spent with them is consumed by picking up toys, asking them to picking up toys, cleaning up spills, wiping noses, putting dishes in the dishwasher, vacuuming and other kinds of cleaning. They are a pair of walking messes.

One thing that was true when they were newborns, and true when they were infants and is still true now...getting them out of the house is much easier than keeping them in the house. Unfortunately, yesterday was really, really cold. Much to cold to take them to the park, which is basically my go-to parenting move.

A more ambitious mother would have filled the day with a variety of arts and crafts projects intended to engage and entertain the children. I decided that I should take the to the mall and let them walk around for a while to wear themselves out.

I will say, it worked like a charm...we drove to Cambridge, rode the escalators, visited a toy store, ate some lunch and headed home, all within about an hour and a half, and by the time we got home they were so tired that they crawled into bed and fell asleep in about 10 minutes, and slept for over two hours (normal naps these days are about an hour).

Best mother ever? Yea, probably...

The Very Best Secret

Tough week around here...maybe more on that later.  But...I have some very, very good news that I just have to share because I have to keep it a secret all day long.

Munchkin, as we have covered, applied early to the school that she has always known she wanted to go to. After applying, she did an interview on campus with someone from the admissions office. Said admissions person (who just may be a pretend family friend...) called me about a half an hour ago to give me the good news and ask if she could come by in person tonight to deliver the big envelope:-)

On the short list of "best things I will ever get to see", this is going to go really close to the top...

Missing her already

I am leaving early tomorrow because Munchkin has a soccer game and I want to go watch it. She has...gasp...a grand total of about three weeks left in her high school soccer career. That is a little misleading because she is technically only doing three years of high school, but it is still a pretty monumental realization for me.

It seems like every couple of weeks she goes through another "This is the last time I..." thing. The last time she picks her spring semester schedule. The last parent-teacher night. The last back-to-school night with the other parents. The last Halloween. The last "Fall Festival" at school. Her first application (and hopefully the only one) has been delivered, which means she may very well be entirely done with the college admissions process already. Yesterday, we talked about dress shopping for her last winter formal (also misleading..."dress shopping" is generally done in the closets of her pretend sisters.)

Now, if all goes well, she will be about three miles from me in a straight line next year. And a grand total of four stops on the red line. I am not exactly shipping her off to another corner of the world. There will be no end to chicken finger Thursdays (because I will force her to go with me if I have to!) and I will likely see her all the time. But... I probably don't really need to explain this. It's just not the same.

There will be a lot of these moments between now and next Labor Day, when I pack her up and drop her at her freshman dorm. I can promise to be a blubbering mess at least three times over the course of the year. Maybe more.

Frankly, I am not really in the best emotional state to handle this these days, but I am sure I will manage. This is supposed to be fun, right?

If you look closely, I really tried to not rant and rave here

Seems that I have done some political ranting lately, but nothing else...so I probably owe you some updates. That said, I don't really feel like I have that much to update you about:-) I feel like I have been busy with a lot of random stuff lately, but nothing of note. This weekend, for example, we have a two year old's birthday party to go to - there will be a bouncie house - and another party after that, and then some random errands that need to get done on Sunday. Throw in a soccer game for Munchkin on Friday that I want to get to, and the whole weekend is pretty full.

The girls have decided that they have no interest in sleeping in their beds all night. LK usually gets up at sometime around 3:30 and comes into our room, demanding that Daddy sleep in the living room with her. She falls right back to sleep, she just wants to sleep on the couch with Daddy:-) I probably find that cuter than he does!

In more humorous news...he started P90X this week, which has led to four days of grunting, moaning and overall achy-ness that is, honestly, kind of amusing. On Wednesday, he stood at the sink trying to shave, only he couldn't reach his hands all the way up to his face without help. Watching him try to sit up in bed is also hilarious...it turns into a kind or groaning, half-roll lurch. It's sexy.

Thankfully, he is lucky to have a willing (and slightly mischievous) masseuse as a wife.

I never wrote about it last week (partially because I have been involved in something at work that is dynamically not all that different), but the teacher's strike in Chicago was a pretty big deal. Big because it involved a lot of teachers and a lot of students, because it involved a Mayor who should be a friend of labor (former Obama chief of staff Rahm Emanuel), and because it covered the key issues facing most school systems.

Of course, I have opinions:-) - teachers shouldn't expect bigger raises than taxpayers are getting; asking people to work more and not expecting them to want to get paid more is kind of silly; teachers should be held more accountable than they generally are, but standardized test scores are not a good way to do it; ...and plenty of others.

But that isn't really my big question. My big question is: why are there public sector unions? I understand all of the economic arguments against labor unions, and some of them are valid, but by and large, I don't see industrial labor unions as inherently evil or anti-competitive. But unions of civil workers...? Whole other story.

Unions, as always, exist to represent workers in the ongoing battle between labor and capital. Capital tends to be concentrated in a few hands, so unions provide a means of concentrating the other great economic input and level the negotiating field.

So where, exactly, do police and fire and teacher's unions fit into this? Specifically, in the ongoing battle of labor and capital, who in this equation is "capital"? If no one profits from the operation of the school, and no one owns the school systems as a commercial enterprise, how can anyone be representing the capital half of that dynamic? And the only thing approximating management are elected officials...officials that the labor interests have the right to hire and fire (just like every other voter.)

Well look there...I am already back to ranting about politics...that was fast...

Comparisons

I sort of teased the other day that I would write a "Your kids aren't that smart" post...and rather than be known as a tease, I figured I should write it. I can't be known as a tease:-)

There is an unadvertised benefit of having twins...it helps to keep you from obsessing over development. From the time a woman gets pregnant, there is a mountain of literature (most of it not worth reading) that tells you exactly how you should be growing and feeling and then how the kid should be growing and developing.

The problem being, of course, that children don't develop according to a set schedule. And more importantly...kids who do one thing or another behind schedule are not doing so because their parents have failed. The corollary to that, of course, is that you are not a morally superior parent because your baby can hold his head up a week before the books say he should be able to.

Honestly, it would be very hard for me to make an assessment of which of the girls is developing faster. LK walked first, got teeth first, slept through the night first, used the potty first and is generally better at it. MA ate solids first, grew faster, stood up first, sleeps better and communicates better.

Just to site two examples...MA learned to talk a year ago and hasn't stopped since. She yabbers all day long, makes whole sentences, asks questions and verbalizes her feelings really clearly. Verbally, she is far ahead of what would be considered normal development. But she still gets frustrated and occasionally hits or bites.

LK, on the other hand, doesn't talk nearly as much. She can, and her vocabulary is close to her sisters, but she doesn't enunciate nearly as well, and doesn't form the same kinds of multi-phrase thoughts that MA does. But, put a puzzle in front of her, and suddenly she becomes a genius. She has a couple of 20-24 piece wooden puzzles that she can take apart and put together without any help. Her sister? She talks a good game..."Momma, this one goes here?"...but basically she just shoves any two random pieces together without paying much attention to the picture.

So who is smarter? Beats me...it is pretty clear that their brains work in very different ways...but they are both working. And, to take this a step further...MA is not a better speaker and LK a better puzzle maker because of the superior parenting she has received;-)

Parents love to take credit for their kids; development, and they really love to overstate their kids' development;-) Because there are million ways to measure development, and just about every kid will be ahead of the curve on some and behind the curve on others. It is much to easy to note the one thing he or she does really well, and then use that as a justification of your parenting skills.

And really, I get it...bragging about our kids is fun. I am not at all above it. Seeing them develop is an affirmation that we haven't broken them. Christ, at least 40% of this blog is unabashed bragging of a kid who isn't really even my kid!!!

But it still drives me a little crazy (and frankly, I kind of live in a place where the parenting competition is heavier than most). If I were more passive aggressive, I may well have said some things over the past two years like "Wow, I think I read where knowing colors by 12 months has a really high correlation to your likelihood of being on the Supreme Court"...

A guy that I work with showed me a hilarious Facebook post earlier this week because he knows I appreciate these things. A girl he had gone to High School with, in a blatant attempt to fish for compliments, had posted "Wow, is it normal for a 17 month old to know the alphabet and count to 12?" What she was really saying was "Please, everyone tell me that my kid is special, and that we are doing a great job raising him!"

Instead, the comments were largely stuff like "Yea, that is about right," and "That seems pretty normal...I think my kids were about that age." {Never mind that 17 months is probably a little early to be doing that stuff;-)}

Also, he showed me no fewer than six people in his circle of friends who had entered their kid in the Gerber Cutest Baby contest...because, you know, every one of their kids is absolutely adorable.

OK...so I have no idea what my point is. Certainly, I have no interest in people loving their kids less or thinking them less special. And by all means, you are welcome to find your own kids to be the cutest ones in the class...I know I do:-).

But maybe it doesn't hurt to remember that, when judged by others, exactly one half of kids are dumber than average, and one half are uglier.

And now, I am going to hell:-)

{Update: Big Sis read this right after I posted it, and her response is "That is so true, which is why I find it so amazing that all of our kids are so incredibly smart and cute!"}

Catching up

So, I really intended to blog several times since I last wrote, but then I got sidetracked with awesome weather and random fun stuff and never got around to it...

As such, I never recapped the President's speech, which I thought was kind of mediocre. I just feel like we have heard all of that before...I was hoping that he would be less hopey-changey and more executive. He started out great, with a sobering call for "shared sacrifice", but as far as I can tell, the only sacrifice he is really calling for is a 3% increase in the tax rate on something like 100,000 people... Everyone else gets everything they want and gives up nothing!!! Yay!!!

Then he devolved into exactly what the GOP did the week before...a tirade of half-truths about how evil the other guys are. I certainly understand that this is how the game is played...and he should have little trouble winning re-election without any major new policy announcements, but it was still disappointing.

And honest to God, if he keeps up with this "We saved the auto industry!" shit, I may reconsider my (already tepid) commitment to voting for him in November. Sorry, buddy, but you didn't save the "American auto industry" and it is hard to argue that you saved a single net job. Also, Romney is right about the folly of Treasury continuing to hold shares of GM. Waiting for the stock to rebound is terrible policy - the government should not be in the business of speculating on common stocks.

That, however, all seems like old news. We have already had four days worth of terrible economic news and more partisan campaign bickering. I kind of feel bad for the people in Ohio, Florida and the other swing states...all of whom will shortly be absolutely barraged with the most ridiculous advertising you can imagine. By mid-October, Obama will be socialist Iran-sympathizer who personally laid off something like 4 million workers, and Romney will be a top-hatted robber baron whose entire fortune was built by stealing arthritis medication money from old ladies.

In other news...Munchkin has settled into her senior year of high school. Allow me to say that again...her SENIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL!!! She is applying for early admission into That School That We All Know She Is Going To, so she has sort of begun that process. The deadline is November 1, but she is incapable of not having the whole thing done well before then. I think she is going to go ahead and prepare applications to three other places in case she doesn't get in, but should hopefully get an answer before she has to submit them.

The girls are becoming potty training experts! LK managed to stay dry all day on Friday, and most of the weekend as well. MA is catching on, too...although they both need a little bit of work in giving me a little bit more warning on their bathroom activities before I put them into underwear... Getting close, though:-)

MA has entered a "why?" phase, where she asks questions about everything..."Momma, why you doing that?" "Daddy, why you go running? You get sweaty? You take a shower?" I should write more about the differences in their personalities...which are really substantial...and maybe I will this week. I may also write about "parental measurement", but I may also keep that one to myself;-) Short version...every parent I know is convinced that their kid is incredibly smart. Also, they think it reflects on their basic greatness as a parent.  Mathematically speaking, I can assure you that half of them are dumber than average...

Anyway, this is enough scatter-shot for one day...I gotta get some work done!

Tales from the highway

I'm back...from four days on the road, one day of work, and then a couple more days at the beach:-) All in all, it's not a bad way to live!!!

I can't begin to tell you how much fun Munchkin and I had. We left Monday morning, drove to Providence and then to New Haven (what, you need me to spell out the schools for you? C'mon...you are all better than that...) and spent the night in New York city. We saw two places in New York on Tuesday, stayed there again that night and then headed further south to Northern New Jersey on Wednesday morning, Philadelphia Wednesday afternoon and then stayed in DC that night, saw one school there and drove back on Thursday.

Along the way, we ate an enormous amount of junk food (although we didn't eat at any Chick-fil-A's...honestly, we were afraid of making a political statement and didn't really know which political statement we would be making by eating there. Thankfully, McDonald's has remained silent on all major social issues...) We also listened to a huge amount of terrible music, and sang entirely too much of it out loud. We almost certainly went over on the Demi Lovato allowance...

And we talked a lot, of course, about a million things...some silly and some serious. Frenchie is here for a week now, so she was thinking about that leading up to his visit. Her feelings about him are as deep as they have ever been, but I think they are getting more complicated as they both get a little bit older. It still breaks my heart just a little bit that she sees him as little as she does...she deserves to have a simpler boyfriend situation.

She didn't see anything that changed her mind about her college plans, although she definitely liked some of the schools more than others. I am not sure she really went in with an "open mind" in the normal sense, but she listened and asked questions and looked around with interest. I am glad she did it, and I think she is, too...I will feel better about her decision knowing that she at least sampled some alternatives. Bottom line, she couldn't stand to be that far away from me...and I kinda feel the same way:-)

And now, unfortunately, I am back at work...FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK WITH NO DAYS OFF!!! What the fuck?!?!