Wednesday, November 17, 2010

On being a Mom

So, I see that you all hate seeing eye dogs. Noted;-)

I have been thinking a lot lately (wonder why?) about what it means to "be a Mom". Really, I think about how to answer the question "How do you like being a Mom?" which I understandably get a lot these days. And beyond that, how virtually every new mother feels the need to incessantly talk about how much they love it and how fantastic it is.

Here is the dirty little secret...I don't like being a Mom. Now, before you call DSS...I love my children. But that is not quite the same thing. I love seeing them every day, I love when they smile at me when I pick them up at day care, I love sleeping with them if they are being a little fussy, and basically I just love being around them (most of the time.)

But "being a Mom"? Spending every free moment (and a lot of not free ones) cleaning, changing, burping, pumping, feeding and repeating. Struggling to find moments to do such enormously fun stuff as doing the laundry...that is not really all that enjoyable. And that is what "being a Mom" is, really.

Anyone will play with them and tickle them to make them giggle...but being the parent means doing all of the stuff that is a huge pain, and provides no reward. Running to the grocery store to buy formula, or diapers, or to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription after they have gone to sleep? Not fun. Cleaning up their throw up at 3am after you discover the hard way that the acetaminophen that you give them for their teething makes one of them throw up on command? get the picture. am not really sure what my point is. I guess what I am saying is that I am not gonna give bullshit answers anymore. "How am I enjoying being a Mom?" is a good thing I like the two of them, because, to be honest, they are a complete pain in the ass;-)


laurwilk said...

I really like this.

Some days I think this is how I'm going to feel. Which is why I haven't 100% committed to children yet.

I don't think you're alone. Where you are different, though, is that 'mom' doesn't entirely define you. You're also still very engaged in your relationship, school, and work. Maybe the moms who have that sole identity really think they love it - because it's the only way they know how to define who they are. (Whoa, I'll stop with the psychobabble!)

Kari said...

I love your honesty and I think that's what makes you a great mom!

Lpeg said...

Ditto on the not 100% committed to having them myself yet.

And I think most women, if they are really honest, would say the same thing.

At least, that's the sort of answer I've been getting out of the mothers I babysit for...

Kathleen said...

AMEN SISTER FRIEND! I feel like there is some silent peer pressure to "love" it all and no sane person would. ;-)

And for the record you have been a "Mom" much longer than you've had babies.

Ys said...

It's so refreshing to hear someone say they don't enjoy it. I'd have to say I'm the complete opposite cos I sort of love doing all that stuff (not had a baby yet, but I've done raising a child, as we've already discussed ;D) and I miss it now it's gone. But it's nice to hear someone actually speak honestly about it. And I'm glad you didn't turn into one of those new mother's who's no longer a woman. It drives me bonkers when women do that! You can be a mother and still be a woman! ;)

A said...

I think this only makes sense. And I think that one day I will feel the exact same way. Like, no matter how much I like ANYONE, I'm never going to like their barf. End of story.

Anonymous said...

And again: Ditto on the not 100% committed to having a baby myself yet.
I have been at the point were I didn't want one at all - now I am already there to say one day I think I will have one.
The other thing is I don't want to be an "old" Mom. I don't want to be too far beyond 30 when I get a baby and that makes it though as time is running out. ;-)

pinksundrops said...

Hahaha, love this.