Thursday, September 22, 2011

This is 999 posts, which means that whatever I write next will be the 1,000th (math lesson, eh?). That is kind of a lot of pressure, especially for someone who has struggled a lot recently to blog at all, let alone write anything worthwhile. I sort of feel like I have been wasting Internet space for a while now, and now I am faced with the desire to write something important and deep and reflective and full of meaning to commemorate the occasion.

But really, I am having trouble finding time or desire to blog lately, and that may be a sign in itself. I think of all the things that this blog has meant to me, and all of the things that I (used to?) love about it...and I am not sure that I still feel the same way. This stands as a (somewhat scrubbed) account of a very important part of my life, recounting a whole lot of day-to-day activity, a whole lot of thoughts and feelings and a whole lot of me that would probably be lost if I hadn't written it down. Do I risk losing those things going forward because I don't write them anymore?

I actively chose not to make this into a "baby" blog, and to leave out the minor details about what they ate and how long they slept for and how many times I changed their diapers. Largely, I did that because no one cares. Unfortunately, I don't have a whole lot else to write about...that takes up all of my time. And beyond worrying whether others care, maybe I have to ask myself whether I care? I don't know the answer to that...right now I don't, but will I someday regret not having a day-to-day account of their first years? I don't have an answer to that.

Normally, people give advice like "write about whatever you want," or "write about whatever you are thinking." If I am being totally honest with you, I don't know what I want to write about, and I don't really care to document what I am thinking. I may change my mind later, but I don't really care to go back and re-read forty straight posts about how I can't get them to sleep all night in their cribs.

I also have a confession to make...I have decided how I am going to "end" this blog. That doesn't mean I am thinking strongly about actually doing it, or that I have any desire to, but I have already written the last post. While I don't know when I may decide to post it, should I be worried that I have even thought about it? I dunno.

But I do know that I feel like I owe you a doozy of a post next, and I am not feeling terribly confident that I am up to it.

9 comments:

Thisisme said...

um, ending the blog?!?! that was enough of a doozy!!!

laurwilk said...

Maybe 1,000 should be your last post? (I feel like you were almost asking permission to do that.) As you well know, I don't blog anymore either. I read blogs, though with not near the devotion I used to. It's really not as fun for me anymore. And if it is, it's just a rare occurrence. I write nothing to really be proud of.

Write if you want. Write privately if you want. But don't be fearful that you won't remember 'parts of you' if you stop blogging. Maybe part of it is that you now have a lot of people around you to share "remember whens" with (The Boy, Twinlets, Munchkin, SHR) and you don't so much need to document it all.

Susan said...

As a long-time reader but non-commenter, it's high time to weigh in by stating the obvious: it's all up to you! It was what you enjoyed doing for quite a while and now you don't and this is life in all its confounding and wonderful complexity. When marriage and babies roll in like a great big tide, other things get washed away. It's organic and real, just like your writing was for a good long run. Wishing you much happiness and all-night sleepers somewhere along the road!

Katie said...

Awww, I'll be sad to see you end the blog but yeah totally understand how blogging has its lost its luster lately

Jane226 said...

I will be so sad to see the end of this blog! I love hearing about all your adventures with SHR and Munchkin, and your amazing husband. I realize your life has changed, and can understand taking a break from writing. But I'll keep this in my blogroll forever in the hopes that a new post from you pops up with an update!

A said...

You're pretty darn smart and awesome. I've got a feeling you'll know when to end. And what, if anything, to do with #1,000. And pretty much everything -- blogging and otherwise. You kind of really really have your shit together. Go with it, girlie.

Lori S-C said...

it's been a great run, but perhaps you need a hiatus...
your life is very full and busy right now.
I've enjoyed every minute I've visited here...

steffi2282 said...

Phu, end your Blog?
I will miss you if you really do that. But it's all up to you and your decision.
As long as you don't disappear completely. ;-)

Lisa said...

Of course I'll be sad if you don't blog anymore, but in the end you just have to do what feels right to you, don't you? Perhaps you'd even like to switch to another format, one that isn't anonymous and the adress of which you'll only share with family? I think both your little sisters would appreciate that, and your aunts and uncles (the nice ones) too. Munchkin especially, once she's old enough to be off to college (and we know that day will come, don't we? ;) ).
This is sad for non-members of your family, like me, but it would give you the opportunity to still write, and a new format to inspirate you.

And please don't stress about the 1000th.. it's only a number, isn't it? I for one would be content with a no-text entry, but maybe a pic of the twins? (Not so subtle hint :D )