Monday, March 19, 2012

More on the Love birds

I love you guys:-) Really, really, I do...I still get excited every time I log in and see that there is a new comment to read. Because I am a dork like that!

But mostly, I love you guys because you are all totally different and have different perspectives on things and think about things differently than I do. So, sometimes, things that seem so obvious to me are, in fact, not at all obvious to you guys...(in fact, I wish that people would call bullshit more often, because I know there are times you disagree with some of my nonsense and keep quiet about it!)

We seem to have found one of those instances: on Wednesday (yikes, blog much?) I mentioned that I don't love the idea of Frenchie coming to school in Boston (or Cambridge) in a year. Honestly, that seemed sort of self-explanatory to me, but I guess it really isn't. And when I think about it...I have a hard time really explaining what bothers be about it, which is maybe a sign that I should rethink it.

First off, responses to some of your specific comments: Munchkin already knows exactly where she is going to college, regardless of whether it is in one year or two. It is the only place she has wanted to go since she really found out what college is...and she may or may not have also been the recipient of a lot of lobbying from a pretend sister and a pretend father/grandfather that are proud alums. It also may or may not be a school that The Boy and/or I attended during our undergraduate or graduate educations. But it is very local, which I am happy about. And frankly, she has NO interest in going far away from me, which could well be a lingering psychological effect from having so much upheaval during the earlier years of her life.

So I know where she will be, and both she and Frenchie know where she will be. The variable is, therefore, where he chooses to go...and I am fairly certain that he will come to college somewhere in the States, although the final location remains to be determined (he is also an excellent student, so he will presumably have his pick of schools as well.)

As a basic rule, anything that makes my sister happy makes me happy. And she would be very excited if he took up residence a mile or two away...or, possibly even closer if he ended up at the same exact school. So why then, does the idea bother me?

So here goes. I guess what I don't like is the idea that he is coming all the way for the specific reason of being near her. As weird as their relationship is, that brings with it a whole lever of pressure that I would rather she not be under. What happens if, after a month of seeing each other four days a week, she wants to break up with him? Is she going to be buried with guilt over him making such a huge life decision for her?

I think about what would happen if the roles were reversed...what if she decided to go to Paris. It is a little different because she would be doing that only to be near him, and he may well have come to the States anyway. But still...I don't like the idea of 18 year old kids making those huge decisions to chase a relationship that, statistically, has little chance of lasting.

I would also rather not deal with a sudden overdosing on each other...if she is a senior in High School still, I don't want her spending every waking hour across the river where he has his own room that comes with a lock and key.

I will acknowledge that this last one is a totally irrational fear: she is going to be in college really soon, at which point she will be able to do whatever she wants with whoever she wants. And there is no way on earth that she will do even half of the the stuff that I did;-) But she is my little baby still, and I reserve the right to be irrational.

Were I to pick an actual outcome, I would love for him to end up in New York or DC...close enough that she could see him much more often, but not so close that she is his primary reason for being there. I would feel like he is making a much more balanced decision if he chose a school a little further away (which is stupid of me...what if his ideal school just happens to be in Cambridge? For lots of people it is.) Fortunately for me, I think his parents feel the same way...I think they would be hesitant to sign off on him coming to Boston. So, this may turn out how I want it too regardless of my input:-)

And, as long as I am making wishes...if his little sister came to school in Boston? I would do a happy dance:-)


Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

I get with and agree (in theory) with your thinking. In real life, though? Sometimes we have to learn by our own mistakes. To this outsider, it seems like Munchkin's beau needs to make the decision that is best for him and they (and you) will navigate the waters accordingly. Telling him not to come (not that you would ever do that) might make him want to come to Boston that much more. =)

Dawn said...

That makes complete sense.

lisa said...

I get where you're coming from.
I guess you'll just have to put some trust into your sister.

She sounds like she's be able to handle any outcome.
And even if he came, and she'd want to break up, you think she wouldn't because of guilt?
I think it might make it harder, but she's still do it, if her heart wasn't in it anymore..

But in the end it's all moot, because you will just have to wait and see :)

Lori S-C said...

Got to agree with you on this one. They will figure it out if he ends up in the same town as she does for college. One other thought is that if he does come to Boston and things don't work out in the relationship, she would still have the opportunity to apply to other schools that are not so far away... like Rhode Island, new hampshire, etc. where there are also colleges with the same level of prestige as the ones that just might happen to be across the river from you...
Good mommying, btw. But know that even with your worrying about this situ, things will happen that you don't anticipate. Along the way, that amazing girl of yours will make a lot of choices, some you agree with, and some that you won''s how she picks up the pieces when things fall apart that will show the strength and maturity she has.

Phoenix said...

Maybe you shouldn't worry too much for them. Im sure they take their relationship, and future, serious enough to not want to put any (more) pressure on it. Yes it's tempting to just do it and move closer together but they're both, i think cause you made it sound like, are smart enough to make the right choice (as right as 17-18 year old could manage i guess). I had to think abt me when i had to decide which college to go to, was having a long distance with my then bf aka first love and the excellent school for the major that i wanted to choose happened to be a lot nearer to him too. It sounds like convinient but i almost didnot take that school because i didnt want him to think i was "following" him, how silly i know. Needless to say we broke up a few years later but i never regreted my decision then. The shool in fact didnt disappoint me and it wasnt why my relationship ended either. Guess when you're that young you should just go for it and live, for me it means to listen more to the guts feeling and less overthink