Thursday, July 19, 2007

Did I mention that The Boy proposed?

The title is a complete Sorry, I couldn't resist...

Excellent, well-thought out comments yesterday! Thanks to everyone who put some thought into it. And special thanks to my super favorite Big Sis, who kinda made me cry a little bit;-) If any of you didn't get a chance, please still feel free to chime in! Especially anyone who is actually married now...since I didn't get any comments from anyone like that;-)

I'd say that the clearest difference in responses was between the people who have been married and have kids versus those that haven't. I guess this is not at all surprising, and probably leads to some snickers and sarcastic "No shit" comments from my more life-experienced readers. Both AllBilly and Still Just Me basically said similar versions of "it is what it is, there is no use going back and wishing it over again". Both have been married and divorced (SJM is re-married) and consider it a necessary part of making them who they are today (I am paraphrasing). I did like SJM's comment about wishing the kids were closer in can love your kids but still wish you had them at different times;-) We are in fantasy land

Airam, Scotty (via his blog), EAJ and OC all chimed in from the perspective of people who are single, and not involved with anyone seriously. All had some derivative of the same idea..."Looking forward to it, but it can't be forced, and better it doesn't happen then happens for the wrong reasons." I would pretty much concur with all of this.

Ella W just wanted to know if I was either engaged or pregnant. (I'm not:-)

Then there were a couple of people who fit into the "Single but attached" category, including 2xa+r0n, e.b., ys (and I guess me and Big Sis, too:-)). All expressed a similar form of "I'll know when it is right" but no massive rush to the altar. Well, except maybe for Aaron:-P (kidding!!!)

And finally there is Kristin B, who is only 22, but seems moderately concerned that everyone her age is getting married (and by that, she means every girl her age, since this stuff doesn't come down on men the same way.) e.b. already addressed that in much the same way I would have, but since this is my blog, I get to add. Honestly, I think it is probably usually a mistake to get married that young (not always, don't kill me over this).

No one knows who they are at 20 or 21, and if you don't know who you are, then whoever you marry won't really know you either. I don't see what the rush that age, there is loads of time to grow up, start working, and get a better idea of who you are and what you are gonna be. Only then can you really recognize if someone is right for you or not. As for not being able to commit and being overly critical of men...I don't think that is possible. You should be picky...absurdly picky.

Now that we have gotten past that, time to get to what I am thinking about all of this...

The Boy is ready. He is in no huge rush, but he let me know a little while ago that he is ready whenever I am. We have been very good about talking these things out since we have known each other, and I think we have done a good job of keeping each other up to speed on this. He is ready to get married, but not necessarily under any sort of scheduling pressure;-) He wants to know that I feel like we are headed there, even if I don't want to get married right now. And I do feel that way, and try to let him know that regularly:-)

[Incidentally, he has been drinking like a rock star for five days in Las Vegas and this is the first blog post he will see when he gets can be kinda cruel:-)]

Timeframe? I have one for getting engaged, moving in and for getting married, but I am not committing it to a public forum. Let's call it "sooner rather than later". And I reserve the right to change my mind;-) I guess the key takeaway is that I want to marry him, I am sure in every fiber of my body that it is right for me, but I just am not ready to do it at this moment. Unless he bought me a REALLY big ring:-D (another joke!!!)

Now, as for children...this gets a little trickier. Like most people, I conceptually want to have children. I think I will be a good Mother, and I look forward to it. My problem is, I just don't know when...and I can pretty easily foresee not ever really wanting to go through with it. I will be 25 next week, and Munchkin is 12. I may not have given birth to her, and she may be a super-easy kid, but the day-to-day of it all certainly takes a lot.

If I were to get married in a couple of years and then start to think about kids some time after I really going to want to go through with it? I think I probably will, but I can certainly imagine there will be a day that I stop and think "I have one that is going to college next year, do I really want to go back and start at newborn?"

This is all obviously really way, way down the road, but I would be lying if I said that I hadn't ever thought about it. I have talked about this with The Boy, too, and he admitted that he would be really, really disappointed if I never wanted to have any. That on its own would likely make me want to have one, even if I was kind of on the fence on my own...seeing him that excited about it would probably encourage me. Truth be told, unless I was really, really, really sickened by the idea, I would want to have one because I love him and it means so much to him. I am not really sure I am articulating this very well (it sounds kinda weird as I write it) so I may have to take another crack at it tomorrow if it doesn't make sense....

Until then, that is my very long post...


Ally said...

Bravo on thinking the decision to have children out. It seems like everyone wants to have them, but when I ask them why the reasons range from "I want someone to take care of me when I am old" (which I think is a lame reason) to "I love children, etc." I guess I just think consciously thinking through any big decision is a great idea.

Has it occurred to you that Munchkin is a built in baby-sitter? You should probably get started on a baby right about now to get the most time out of her before she goes off to college:)

Scotty said...

Your title was good, I was like... THATS why she posted her last post! And, I am sure that the Boy will see it and think..."I did?!" Too funny.

Good to hear that you two are talking about it and such, sounds like you're thinking just about everything through.. which is super, of course!

And yep, everyone should be picky. We are, looking for a partner.

ella w. said...

I almost fell out of my chair when I read the title of your post!

We've IM'd about the idea that Munchkin would be going off to college while you had a new born...but Ally is right. You will have a built in babysitter! Especially if she ends up at one of the Boston area schools.

Accidentally Me said...

Ally and Ella - Oh, I have definitely thought about It would be great if I was dying to have a baby now, Munchkin would be around for the hardest parts!

Ella and Scotty - That was a joke that was just dying to be made, I couldn't help it!

e.b. said...

oh he is just going to die - i love it!

The Boy said...

Oh Christ. This is what I come back to? My head already hurts without thinking about all of this.

Ally and Ella W have a really good point. We gotta put Munchkin to work as much as possible.

allbilly said...

A free babysitter is almost as bad a reason to have a baby as using the "tax deduction" reason.

Ys said...

Hehehe, like everyone else I thought the title was real for a second ;)

I love hearing people think this through - I'm such a big thinker myself that I'm exactly the same. I kind of envy those people who can just get married without thinking it through in reality terms.