Wednesday, January 18, 2012

One and done...d'oh!!!

Nilsa has a post today that seems timely in my world, and merits some commentary. I feel like I have been getting a lot of question lately about having more children. Which I guess seems logical would be a pretty normal time to think about having another baby. People I know who had kids within about six months of me seem to be pregnant again in pretty large numbers.

In fact, The Boy raised the issue not two weeks ago, asking if I wanted to think about it. I know he would love to have another one (and not because it might be a boy) and maybe even one more beyond that.

Unfortunately, my laughter was probably not the nicest response.

Honestly, I can't really even describe how ridiculous I think the idea is! We could work out the space issues (we are likely going to move anyway) and we could afford the added those aren't the problem. Mostly, I just don't want any more of them, and I am not going to try and justify that with reason! It is a good thing he knocked me up twice at once, because there is almost no chance that I would have signed on for a second pregnancy.

At virtually every milestone, I am thankful to not have to go through whatever that was again...when they sat up, when they started eating solids, when they stopped drinking formula and breast milk, when they started walking and talking and all of that. And soon...potty training! There is simply no way that I am voluntarily going to go back to changing diapers after we move the girls out of them.

I love my little people...but I don't love having kids, if that makes any sense at all. I definitely know women who genuinely love the stages where babies are helpless and need their mother all the time. I get that...and I definitely know women who genuinely love the babbling toddler stage and every other stage between birth and adulthood. Another Mother from day care told me once that she just loves "being a Mom"...and as I think about it, I don't think that I do. I love my daughters so much that I don't mind being a Mom to them, but I don't think that is the same thing.

I am not sure that this comes across the way I mean probably sounds a little bit weird. I guess what I am saying is that I don't take any enjoyment from being needed...I had plenty of experience with that before I had my own kid. I am all set with being needed;-)

This may get me sent straight to if you need me, I will be there:-)


Carin said...

Amen, sister.

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

I think there's another post brewing in here, because you've hit on a point I'm guessing many women feel, but are afraid to discuss. You're not the only person I *know* who defines her love for motherhood the way you do. I think it's totally normal to think shit smells like, well, shit. So, while some moms may think their baby's poo don't smell, that's not the case for everyone. =)

Ashley said...

totally with you on this one, and you said it perfectly. While I LOVE my son, I don't actually care for being his mother. I tolerate it. But if I had known before I had kids, what it would ACTUALLY be like... I wouldn't have done it. Which to many mothers/people, may sound calous, but it's not. I adore my child, and couldn't imagine life without him...but I don't particularly like motherhood... so yup, one and done!

sab said...

The ONLY reason I have two kids is that I am a sibling and it broke my heart to deprive my son of his built in, life long best friend (or frenemy, I suppose). I look at folks with 3 kids and do not understand what they were thinking? I love my boys...they are without a DOUBT the best thing that ever happened to life is so much better because they are in it. But now that I am passed the baby stage, out of diapers and past potty training.....there is no way I would go back. I cannot stand being needed that much. Constant neediness. Cannot even go to the bathroom alone (during those dark days of babyhood once of the bright spots of being at work, droopy eyed, was that I could excuse myself to go to the bathroom without someone clinging to my leg on the way there!) Even now, my goal is to make my boys as self-sufficient as possible as soon as possible. Is 6 years old too young to do your own laundry? I look forward to many wonderful years of just living life with my boys, cheering them on at sporting events, participating in sports WITH them (for a few more years anyway), sharing inside jokes, cheering them up when the tears come. That is the "being a Mom" part I relish. But the actual administrative duties and "taking care of" part (that quite honestly many women sub-contract out to a nanny)? Yeah, I can definitely do without that!

Anonymous said...

I do not have kids, but I can see myself going through this in the event I were to have a kid. I want to have a kid because as the others have undoubtedly mention, it is the best thing that can happen in a woman's life. As a result, part of me wants to experience that...however, aside from that...I definitely would not be able to wait until that child reached adulthood...I see myself wanting to instill an insane drive for independence...this kind of thinking have left me on the fence about wanting kids but with no one to talk to about these feelings...I am left looking like the weirdo among my friends for not having started already. I am in my mid to late 20's and they already have at least 1...thanks for this post...this might be the only time I can voice these thoughts...

Anonymous said...

Sorry, but I have to agree with you too.
I know young moms who say they are glad for someone doing their shopping that they can just look after their baby's.
I think I would be glad for someone looking after the baby's while I do my shopping on my own. Ha!

I never wanted kids, now I think I want kids. But I am no sure if I will h e more then one. I guess that depends in the first pregnancy, birth and the first year with child No. 1.