Friday, May 18, 2007

A Kept Woman

Interesting comments from everyone yesterday. I intentionally did not approve any of them until really late in the day because I didn't want people's opinions to sway each other. Opinions were all over the place, and focused on totally different things...which was sort of expected, there is a lot going on.

First, there is the question of moving in after 9 months, which some people have an issue with (GLB, Double-A, Ally), and some think is plenty of time (Povosgirl, Kate, Brookem, Ruby). Really, I think it depends on how big a deal you think moving in together is. I don't really think it's a huge, earth-shattering thing, so I feel like 9 months is enough for the right people. If it doesn't work out, well...you just move.

And then there is the age difference. A couple of people felt like it might be a real issue (Scott, GLB), most felt like it is a factor, but not a deal-breaker (k.d., Brookem, Ruby). I am in the latter camp...it is hard to be that far apart, but it is not something that can't be overcome. He is something of a young 40, and she is an old 24, so I really don't think that the age difference, on its own, is something to be overly concerned with.

And I don't question their affection for each other. I don't think she likes him only because he makes a lot of money, and I don't think he likes her just because she looks great in a sun dress. They genuinely have a great time together. And some people speculated that maybe deep down I didn't like him or question his motives (ella, Trixie, Scott, GLB) or hers (Jordan)...but that is not the case, I like him very much, and I like them together.

So what's the issue? Well...in truth it is a combination of the above. My problem, the more I think about it, is that they are at completely different life stages, and she is really "exposing" herself by moving in. What do I mean by this? Well, I don't think she is in it for the great apartment, the beach house and the Lexus SUV, but it is also impossible to separate those things out.

She is really adapting her life to his much more than the other way around. The only problem is that if things don't work out...she immediately has to "leave" that world. A break-up would be compounded for her because she lives in his house(s), drives his car, etc. (Part of this is her personality...which I can't really explain for some reason...)

So, I don't think this is a dysfunctional or ill-conceived relationship. I feel like it is fundamentally sound and is built for the long haul. But...we all know that shit happens, and she is putting herself in the position of being a "kept" woman. Now, if things start to sour, how much would she be willing to suffer before she totally tore up her life and moved on?

Anyway, that is my two cents worth...the next question is...do I say anything? I think it is basically none of my business, so I will likely keep my mouth shut...

[And yes, I get the irony of this entire post, no need to point it out]

Other than that, not much going on. Thursday Chicken Fingers were delicious as always:-) I may be going away this weekend, so I may not be blogging...kind of up in the air...Enjoy!

7 comments:

allbilly said...

Opinions are like assholes. Everybody's got one and they all stink.

Accidentally Me said...

Billy - Thanks, you have really added to the discussion...

Kate said...

no, i wouldn't say anything. she's gonna do what she wants to do. just let her know that you'll be there for her no matter what.

Scott said...

I am in the latter camp...it is hard to be that far apart, but it is not something that can't be overcome. [speaking of age]

But then you said, that they are at completely different life stages

That's exactly what I think, when I think age difference... people in different stages of life are looking for different things.

I wouldn't say anything. I wouldn't encourage/discourage but would definitely let her know that I would be there for her.

Accidentally Me said...

Kate - Yea, I agree. She is not really someone I would call a "best friend" so it's not my place.

Scott - We are probably arguing semantics, but being in different stages is not entirely about age. And I am not really worried about whether they are a match made in heaven...they can figure that out on their own. I am concerned with what happens if they are NOT.

Trixie said...

she's happy, they're in love. unless she's being abused, hurt or cheated on, i would keep mum UNLESS she asks for your opinion. even then, tread lightly.

i think you just care about your friend dearly and you are afraid she may get hurt somehow down the road and that's why it's bothering you a bit. you're just watching out for her.

Princess Extraordinaire said...

I wouldn't say aything...if they're in love and want to move forward then let them - they are both adults and regardless of what you say your input will be taken with a grain of salt unless it agrees with what they decide.