I have this friend...I am going to call her "Sally" for absolutely no reason at all, other than I need a name for her. Sally is 24, works as a Financial Advisor for an insurance company, and is overall a pretty a regular girl. Last fall, Sally met and started dating "Doug". Again, no significance to the name.
I like Doug a lot. He is nice and smart and funny and adores her and treats her really well. He is also 40 and divorced (no kids.) Doug works in real estate (I don't know exactly what he does...I think he is a commercial broker, but don't quote me on that) and makes a pretty good living. He has a really nice apartment in the North End and a house on Cape Cod...I don't mean to imply that she is "after him for his money", because she isn't, but I know that Sally likes that he buys her nice things.
Well, last night, Sally informed me and Smoking Hot Roommate that she is moving in with Doug and she expects to be engaged by the end of the summer. I have to be honest, I think this is a bad idea...although I am not sure that I could put my finger on the reason right away. I don't necessarily think it is a bad idea for people to move in after dating for nine months. And I don't think that an age difference like that is insurmountable. I think they are genuinely in love, and id I had to guess, I would say that I think they will get married pretty soon.
But still, there is something about it that doesn't sit right. She mentioned that her father was really upset by it, and I think I kind of agree with him. But...before I ramble on about this, I wanted to get a random sampling of opinions from the peanut gallery;-)
Just on the facts, does it seem strange to you guys? If so, why? I actually think I have figured out what it is that bothers me, but I wanna get some unbiased opinions first. For the record, Smoking Hot Roommate is not at all bothered by their moving in together...
So, don't be shy...make with the opinions...
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Let's Gossip:-)
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13 comments:
nothing sounds off to me. 9 months is a pretty respectable time to be dating. they sound serious. who cares that he's way older and divorced? more power to them.
Hmm..
I think you can't choose who you fall in love with.
I think I'd think it was a bit funky if one of my friends (who are a little older, but still) said they were moving in with someone who was 40.
I don't think the age difference is insurmountable either.
And my dad would also have an issue.
But then again... if she's happy, he's happy, they're in love, and want to see where this can go, then I think moving in together for them, seems appropriate.
I am the baby of 6 kids and my brothers and sisters are all married now. Some of them lived together before thinking about marraige and others didn't. So since I was the baby my mom really wanted me and my boyfriend to live together before we thought about marraige.
So needless to say a year later we are still living together and we are still happy. NO talks about marraige yet which is still OK with both of us! We want to enjoy living together and having fun!
I think the age difference is pretty big, and moving in together after 9 months is kinda quick. The only way I could see that moving in together would make sense is if they lived far from each other, one of them had a lease up, or something along those lines.
Maybe its the both of them together that make it more strange. Or, maybe its just something about him you can't put your finger on.
Hey if it works for her, good luck to them both!
That's a toughie...
I would think the first thing that people would be weary about is the age thing but then nowadays its prevalent.
It is because you don't click with him? Is he possesive of her? Has she changed since dating him?
Well, I could give a lot of reasons why I don't think it's a good idea but they don't amount to much if you don't know the people. I think moving in is a bad idea because it's almost a half commitment. It says "I'm committed to you, but not that committed." But that applies to everyone.
I'd be more concerned with the age thing. She could be his mid-life crisis. Guys, no matter how old they are, are always 21 in their heads. So they always want the 20 something girl. I think guys who go for girls that are a lot younger are more thinking about what fun they can have with them (meaning sex) and not so much thought goes into what they have to offer the girl.
Just my opinion and it's pretty meaningless when you don't know either of them. But from the sound of it, it sounds like your friend might be easily swayed by some kind words. I'd challenger her to talk about getting engaged before they move in together. It would be interesting to see how he plays that. If you have concerns you should trust them.
i can't see anything wrong - 5, 10, 15 years difference, so what?
Hmm....(1) They haven't been dating that long. (2) She's moving in with expectations, i.e. that this will move them closer to engagement. (3) Why move in? Why not just wait for the engagement? And gosh, why not date someone a year (especially when you're just 24) before planning an engagement timeline? (4) She better be smart about this financially...and given your financial background, perhaps you're worried about this aspect?
Personally I think living together isn't a wise plan for a ton of reasons.
hmmm...any obvious red flags?
Dating only 9 months? No current commitment? (not that engagement OR marriage is much of a commitment these days)
I don't see it as a good idea, either.
Maybe because subconsciously you *do* think she's in it for the money? You said he's a terrific guy, so I'm not sure if it's *him* that you're worried about. Maybe it is the age difference and you'd feel more comfortable if it they weren't 16 years apart... or is it because he's divorced and you want her to start fresh with someone who's basically in the same shoes she's in?
I'm not really the hugest fan of living together before marriage after dating for less than a year, but I guess I'm a bit like Ruby and saying, whatever works!
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