Ner Vous

I was incredibly busy all day, which kept my mind off of the hospital, but now I am home alone and really, really getting nervous. I don't like hospitals, too many bad things happen in them...

Munchkin is off and has landed safely. Her brother has most of the week off, and his girlfriend does, too...they have a major announcement that is sort of related to a recent topic of discussion here, but I will hold off on telling. Seems wrong to tell all of you before Munchkin hears it from them...but I will let you know soon.

Big Sis and The Brain Surgeon are on day two of their European Honeymoon extravaganza...Paris first. But they called to wish me well, which was nice of them:-)

And that is about it...back in a couple days!!!

My Big (kinda) Sister's Wedding:-)

Normally I don't post at night, but I am feeling kinda skippy and am not sure I will be able to write tomorrow, so I am gonna write some stuff down now. Two subjects, both of which I have a lot to say about.

First, the wedding was absolutely phenomenal, and the whole weekend was just about perfect. We spent the day at the beach (mostly) on Friday. A lot of both his and her family was in town already, and a lot more arrived during the day. So it was a lot of fun to be able to just relax, see some people I know and haven't seen in a while, and to meet a lot of people I didn't know before this. Everyone is obviously in a pretty good mood, since it is a wedding and a vacation for a lot of people.

The rehearsal dinner was totally low-key, but TONS of fun. The original plan, way back when, was to do a pretty traditional dinner at a restaurant...but that got nixed. Instead, they did a clambake on the front lawn at the house, and it was awesome! The caterer came with huge boiling vats, and grills and cooked just a massive mountain of lobsters and steamers and corn on the cob, as well as chicken and steak for the non-seafood lovers. It was a really great way to see people in a really relaxed environment again. Plus, The Boy arrived ahead of schedule, which was an awfully nice surprise for me:-) It is possible that we had sex in the three minutes that we took to "bring his bag upstairs"...but I will never tell...:-)

Saturday was actually not nearly as hectic as I had thought it would be. Part of that is because Big Sis was totally cool the whole time, and not at all spazzed out over the whole thing. Truth be told, she was never a "bride" during this whole process. She really cut out tons of the bullshit that girls get encouraged to spend tons of time on that ends up driving them crazy. Seriously...no one cares about the fucking invitations. If you spent more than 20 minutes ordering them, you wasted a lot of time. OK, I am digressing...

So, she didn't really sweat any of the details, and that relaxes everyone else. The ceremony started at 5:00, and we were actually sitting on the beach until almost noon. Then it was upstairs to get ready...which meant to shower, then to eat lunch, and then to have our hair done. Big Sis had the hairdressers come to us, which was really nice:-) There was a lot of craziness in the house while the caterers got all the tables and chairs set up and started cooking and whatnot, but we avoided all of that. Basically, the seven of us in the bridal party showered and dressed at our leisure, chatted, ate, and drank a lot of champagne.

Munchkin was gorgeous...like really breathtaking. She looked so grown up, and like such a little lady. I knew I would cry when I saw her all dressed and made up, but both Smoking Hot Roommate and Big Sis did some crying, too. It is just the sort of moment that makes me think about a lot, and to see her look so beautiful, and so happy...well, it is just a lot to take. Yes, I am welling up again...moving on...

The ceremony was stunning. It was a gorgeous night, so they did the ceremony out on the side of the house, looking out over the ocean. I managed to fulfill my bridesmaid duties without a hitch (walk slow, smile, hold flowers, file out in order...). Munchkin thought the idea of walking down the aisle on the arm of a really good looking guy in a tuxedo (The Brain Surgeon's friend from medical school) and then getting to dance with him at the reception was just about the coolest thing ever, so she thoroughly enjoyed the experience.

I might have possibly cried a bit during the ceremony, too:-) Big Sis was absolutely beaming, as brides usually do. He dress was amazing...simple and elegant and really flattering... she looked gorgeous and so incredibly happy, and that made me cry a bit, too:-) Yeah, I cry easily, what's your point?

After that, we took pictures on the beach, and over in the garden, which wasn't too painful. I haven't seen them yet, and the photographer said it would be a couple weeks before they were all online, so don't hold your breath on those...lol. Remind me in a month... We had plenty of time to mingle during the cocktail hour, which was on the lawn, as the sun was starting to go down and was, well, just about perfect. Appetizers and cocktails are my favorite part of weddings:-)

And the reception was great as well:-) Great food, great music, fun people...I danced for like the whole time. I ditched my shoes almost right away (it is nice to be taller, but it is even nicer to not be in hideous pain...) but my feet and back and legs are still killing me from dancing for like five straight hours. I feel like I drank a ton...but I was barely tipsy, so I must have done OK. I let Munchkin have a half of glass of champagne during the toast, which the caterer yelled at me about...my bad:-D The Boy got kinda wasted, and was a really cute drunk...right up to the point that I didn't get laid because he passed out...(boo!!!)

I realize that this is kind of the cliff notes version, but it is hard to get a whole weekend wedding extravaganza into one post. You can email if you have specific questions;-) I do, however, want to highlight Smoking Hot Roommate's incredibly touching toast, which reduced her father (and a lot of other people) to a blubbering mess for a minute. She talked briefly about losing their mom, and about how much Big Sis had meant to her after that. And then, to close, she said "Brain Surgeon, I really wish our mother could have been here, because she really would have liked you." Waterworks...

So that made me cry for like the fourth time, although that was the last one, I think;-)

We saw everyone again this morning for a final brunch, which was a nice way to say goodbye to everyone. Then we packed up this afternoon and drove home only to find that it is brutally hot and humid in the city...and I guess it was all weekend. It was pretty darn nice at the beach;-)

Now, on to issue #2, which is that I am getting really nervous. I am taking Munchkin to the airport in the morning so she can go to Chicago for a week to visit her brother. She is really excited, even though she is so exhausted from the weekend that she fell asleep at 7:30. I'll pack her bag for her so she doesn't have to do it in the morning...she needs her rest.

And then Tuesday morning I have to go in for my surgery. There is a part of me saying "Why am I doing this if I don't really have to?" but the lump continues to freak me out and irritate me, so I will go nuts if I don't get it removed. I also kinda wish Munchkin was gonna be around. I am doing it this week specifically because she won't be, which will make it easier, but I also know that I would feel better if she were there when I got home. Yes, I am a dork...I know.

I will be in the hospital all day, but don't have to stay over. I don't need general anesthesia, which is good...I don't like the idea of that. But the doctor said it will not be a totally minor procedure, and that I will be in quite a bit of pain for a couple days, and then discomfort for a while. So that part doesn't sound fun. But I will live:-) And I will feel better when the lump is gone, that's for sure.

So that is about it...wedding was great, Munchkin is off on another vacation, and I am getting nervous;-) Wish me luck!

Peace and Quiet

Two days and counting until the Wedding of the Century. Some of you have tried to talk me into pictures, and I guess I will say "maybe" to the idea of cropped photos. I will see what comes out of the wedding and see what I can come up with. I am not carrying a camera around, so I will have to rely on others and see what works.

In the meantime, I am enjoying a totally peaceful, relaxed couple of days with The Boy, and without any other real commitments. It is really, really nice to have a couple of days to just hang out, walk around, eat long meals and enjoy the peace. It reminds me of how little time we seem to have to do things like that. I couldn't tell you the last time we were really free to come home from work and do whatever we please for a few days in a row. And it is really refreshing:-) Not gonna lie...the unrushed, two and three hour marathon sex romps are a real bonus:-D

Last night he came over here after work, we had a drink on the deck with Smoking Hot Roommate, then we all walked over and met The Rocket Scientist and a couple of his friends for a couple drinks and some food (on of Munchkin's two favorite bars...I missed her...lol). Finally we wandered over to the North End for a canoli and just to kinda do nothing. I'd say we got back to my place at maybe 9:30 or so, just in time to catch the end of Footballer's Wives...(anyone? anyone? we need to discuss this show!!!)

SHR stayed at The Rocket Scientist's place (or, more specifically, her place...lol) and The Boy and I took full advantage of all the peace and quiet. The flavored lotion most definitely made a return appearance. There were also a whole lot of dirty text messages back and forth all day yesterday (and hopefully again today;-). I think the virtues of the x-rated text have been pretty well documented, but I will re-iterate my approval...

Anyway, that is about it. I will be out until Monday, back for a day and then out for at least a day, maybe more. Hope everyone has a good weekend!!!

But, that is over with for the time being... I am leaving right after work tonight. As of now, it looks like The Boy has to work tomorrow, which means I have to drive down by myself, and he has to drive down by himself whenever he gets out tomorrow. I think I would probably just leave my car down there and ride back with him, though...not sure.

I am also starting to get a little nervous about my surgery. I am trying to kind of ignore it until at least Sunday, but I found myself fretting a bit this morning. I'll just try and think of other things!

Wedding plans (no, not mine!)

Thanks for all of the kind birthday wishes, even if they were a touch on the late side:-) It's like my birthday lasted three days!!! Not one comment on the Tinkerbelle window decal though, which I thought was just the cutest thing ever. And now if you see someone driving around Boston with a tan Jeep and a Tinkerbelle decal, you will know to stop and say 'Hi'. Although I never drive, so I wouldn't spend a of time working on that.

Anywho...

On to Big Sis' wedding! I am officially excited beyond belief. And for many reasons. One, I am gonna look super hot:-) We all have great black dresses, and I am just gonna be the sexiest little kitten you have ever seen (but won't, since none of you will see:-P) It is hard to look too hot standing next to Smoking Hot Roommate, but I will do my best. I will likely cry when I see Munchkin looking all grown up with her hair done and everything, but that is ok...I will make sure to have makeup done afterwards:-)

Two, it is gonna be a really fun wedding. The crowd won't be huge (I think about 175...so not small, but not enormous) and is mostly family and close friends. Since I think of a lot of these people as kinda "family", it will be a lot of fun to see them all. And I know some of the Brain Surgeon's family, too...but now I get to meet the rest:-) Hopefully The Boy won't be jealous if I get a super hot doctor to walk down the aisle with:-)

Three, it means another long weekend...lol. The wedding is going to be at the oft-mentioned beach house (which is a great place for a wedding!!!) which means there will be very little running around necessary. Assorted family and friends have been arriving all week, which has given Big Sis the chance to really see some people outside of the hubbub of a wedding. Munchkin, too:-)

Four, I am just really happy for Big Sis. She is smart and fantastic and she is my hero and she deserves to be really, really happy. She has become an incredibly important part of my life as a sister, mentor, friend, advisor and sometime Mom and I couldn't be happier for anyone else in the world to have found her Prince Charming. And for him, too...he is also smart and funny and extremely nice and tremendously giving and, most importantly, he treats my Big Sis like a total princess. He deserves everything she can give to him:-)

So that is my brief rundown of the wedding:-) I am headed down Thursday night after work...hopefully with The Boy. If he can't take Friday off, then he will have to come down on his own, and will miss the rehearsal dinner:-P Any questions?

25 and counting

Back to work today...for a three day week:-) Such a tough life these days! Next week is a short week, too (but that is surgery-related, so don't get too jealous). The weekend was awesome, partly because it was my birthday:-D Twenty-five years sounds like a long time, and I think leads to some natural introspection. Nothing new there, I am kind of an introspective person sometimes.

Truth be told, it was a very happy birthday. I am basically happy with who I am and what I have done and what I continue to do, and there isn't a lot that I would change if given the chance. So "sit and take stock" moments are not all that scary, especially when I am surrounded by so many of my favorite people:-)

I am not real sure who wins the "first person to tell me Happy Birthday" prize. Which is good, because I don't really know what the prize was...I have a picture of Smoking Hot Roommate's boobs, that could have been a good one...hee hee. The Boy's Twin Sister was technically the winner, but since I had already talked to her that day, she doesn't count. Scotty was the first blog-person to say so, but he got the date wrong by a day. Brandy was the first one to correctly identify the day, but she said so a day late...so I don't know that we had an actual winner.

The rest of you, however, are clearly losers!!! (I'm kidding, of course:-))

Except for Nicole D., who gets a super-special shout out for being the most observant reader of all. She correctly guessed what my gossip was gonna be (or, at least she got really close) based on a little note I wrote a long while back. BFFb (who The Boy has long accepted will always be my favorite boy in the world) and The Mouth (one of my best friends from college, who now lives in Los Angeles) have always had kind of an electricity between them. As well they should...they would be great together. But, they obviously never really spent a ton of time together, and even when they got the chance, one of them always had some kind of a complication.

But there was always a really clear chemistry, and they did hook up a couple of times, but nothing ever really serious. However, I knew they were both coming out for a couple of days, both are totally and completely single, and I was just guessing that something might happen. And it did:-) I'm so good! I really wish they lived closer together ( and closer to me!) because I think they would make a great pair. But alas...ships passing in the night... [Nicole had guessed him and The Body, which was a really good guess]

Best "blog-related birthday gift" came from Smoking Hot Roommate, and went right onto the back window of my car. I got some other gifts, but the best gift was just having most of my special people around me for the whole weekend for some good times. I also got a couple nice phone call wishes, including one very early in the morning from Tinkerbelle:-) That was a nice way to start the day!

And now the wedding excitement has begun! Big Sis is cooler than ice cream, but even she is starting to get a little bit excited. I will give some more details tomorrow, but basically the wedding is at their beach house, and lots of family is coming in this week to spend a couple days. So it is part family reunion, part wedding, part big fat beach party. Munchkin is part of the welcome committee, so she is down there all week, breaking the hearts of more little boys...lol.

Me, well, I gotta get a little bit or work done, I suppose. Contrary to popular belief, I do not get paid simply to look cute. Too bad...

Oh Yea, One More Thing...

I can't believe that I wrote that whole post yesterday and left out this one, relevant fact: I have been proposed to four times. By three different boys. I don't know if there is a record for that, but I feel like I am way above average... I have had a couple other emotional "I wanna be with you forever" confessions, but none was technically a proposal, and none had a ring with him. So, serious offers, complete with hardware: 4.

I already told you about one of them...the one that proposed twice. It was a long story, it started here, and I am too lazy to link to all six posts, but they are pretty much sequential, so it you click on the January archive and scroll down, it is in the first week or so of the month). The other two were in college, and I will maybe tell you about them someday, but not today. One of them was really heart-breaking to say no to.

Anyway, this is gonna be a really fun weekend! The BFF's are coming in this afternoon, followed shortly thereafter by The Mouth, and then The Body and her boyfriend. I am very much looking forward to seeing them, as they haven't been out to visit in a long time. I saw The Body and The Mouth in January, and the BFF's the last time I was in Chicago, but I am due for a visit with all of them!

Also, I am like 99% certain that some good gossip is gonna come out of this weekend (gossip relevant to no one but me...lol) but I don't wanna jinx it, so it will have to wait until next week! if you have maniacally pored over the details of this blog since I started writing it, you may know, but for all of the people with lives, I will let you know if it happens...;-)

We are headed to the beach for the weekend tonight (hopefully this afternoon...depends on how early we can get going). I think the weather is gonna be pretty good...the forecast has been improving all week. We are gonna stay until Monday (anyone else notice I have been burning through vacation pretty fast these last bunch of weeks?) and Munchkin is staying down all week with Big Sis. As far as I know, the wedding prep is pretty much all done, with just some minor details remaining...and the out of town guests are arriving over the course of the week. I'll be ready...I am really excited!

That means next week will be a three day week for me:-) I think I can handle that!!! That leads to a random question...how much vacation time do you get? Do you get separate sick time, or just "days off"? And do you like to take it all at once, or a day or two at a time all year...?

Did I mention that The Boy proposed?

The title is a complete lie...lol. Sorry, I couldn't resist...

Excellent, well-thought out comments yesterday! Thanks to everyone who put some thought into it. And special thanks to my super favorite Big Sis, who kinda made me cry a little bit;-) If any of you didn't get a chance, please still feel free to chime in! Especially anyone who is actually married now...since I didn't get any comments from anyone like that;-)

I'd say that the clearest difference in responses was between the people who have been married and have kids versus those that haven't. I guess this is not at all surprising, and probably leads to some snickers and sarcastic "No shit" comments from my more life-experienced readers. Both AllBilly and Still Just Me basically said similar versions of "it is what it is, there is no use going back and wishing it over again". Both have been married and divorced (SJM is re-married) and consider it a necessary part of making them who they are today (I am paraphrasing). I did like SJM's comment about wishing the kids were closer in age...you can love your kids but still wish you had them at different times;-) We are in fantasy land here...lol.

Airam, Scotty (via his blog), EAJ and OC all chimed in from the perspective of people who are single, and not involved with anyone seriously. All had some derivative of the same idea..."Looking forward to it, but it can't be forced, and better it doesn't happen then happens for the wrong reasons." I would pretty much concur with all of this.

Ella W just wanted to know if I was either engaged or pregnant. (I'm not:-)

Then there were a couple of people who fit into the "Single but attached" category, including 2xa+r0n, e.b., ys (and I guess me and Big Sis, too:-)). All expressed a similar form of "I'll know when it is right" but no massive rush to the altar. Well, except maybe for Aaron:-P (kidding!!!)

And finally there is Kristin B, who is only 22, but seems moderately concerned that everyone her age is getting married (and by that, she means every girl her age, since this stuff doesn't come down on men the same way.) e.b. already addressed that in much the same way I would have, but since this is my blog, I get to add. Honestly, I think it is probably usually a mistake to get married that young (not always, don't kill me over this).

No one knows who they are at 20 or 21, and if you don't know who you are, then whoever you marry won't really know you either. I don't see what the rush is...at that age, there is loads of time to grow up, start working, and get a better idea of who you are and what you are gonna be. Only then can you really recognize if someone is right for you or not. As for not being able to commit and being overly critical of men...I don't think that is possible. You should be picky...absurdly picky.

Now that we have gotten past that, time to get to what I am thinking about all of this...

The Boy is ready. He is in no huge rush, but he let me know a little while ago that he is ready whenever I am. We have been very good about talking these things out since we have known each other, and I think we have done a good job of keeping each other up to speed on this. He is ready to get married, but not necessarily under any sort of scheduling pressure;-) He wants to know that I feel like we are headed there, even if I don't want to get married right now. And I do feel that way, and try to let him know that regularly:-)

[Incidentally, he has been drinking like a rock star for five days in Las Vegas and this is the first blog post he will see when he gets back...lol...I can be kinda cruel:-)]

Timeframe? I have one for getting engaged, moving in and for getting married, but I am not committing it to a public forum. Let's call it "sooner rather than later". And I reserve the right to change my mind;-) I guess the key takeaway is that I want to marry him, I am sure in every fiber of my body that it is right for me, but I just am not ready to do it at this moment. Unless he bought me a REALLY big ring:-D (another joke!!!)

Now, as for children...this gets a little trickier. Like most people, I conceptually want to have children. I think I will be a good Mother, and I look forward to it. My problem is, I just don't know when...and I can pretty easily foresee not ever really wanting to go through with it. I will be 25 next week, and Munchkin is 12. I may not have given birth to her, and she may be a super-easy kid, but the day-to-day of it all certainly takes a lot.

If I were to get married in a couple of years and then start to think about kids some time after that...am I really going to want to go through with it? I think I probably will, but I can certainly imagine there will be a day that I stop and think "I have one that is going to college next year, do I really want to go back and start at newborn?"

This is all obviously really way, way down the road, but I would be lying if I said that I hadn't ever thought about it. I have talked about this with The Boy, too, and he admitted that he would be really, really disappointed if I never wanted to have any. That on its own would likely make me want to have one, even if I was kind of on the fence on my own...seeing him that excited about it would probably encourage me. Truth be told, unless I was really, really, really sickened by the idea, I would want to have one because I love him and it means so much to him. I am not really sure I am articulating this very well (it sounds kinda weird as I write it) so I may have to take another crack at it tomorrow if it doesn't make sense....

Until then, that is my very long post...

Marriage and Babies and Other Serious Things

For the last week now, every post I have written has been about me being drunk or tired, or some derivative or combination of the two. And I have been promising a more serious post, so that is what I have in store today. I am feeling more well rested, and ready to get some work done, and altogether more responsible and serious, so it seems like a good time;-) As with a lot of things I do...this is gonna get stretched over at least two days, and involves some homework on your part:-D

As a background, we need to hop into the Way Back Machine and go back to last Sunday. I thought I had cancer, and couldn't sleep and was probably not all that much fun to be around. I woke up really early and The Boy's Mother and I went down to the dock to have a little "talk". She actually thought that she maybe knew why I was so upset. She asked me if I was uncomfortable because so many members of his family were making off-handed marriage cracks (as in..."When are you gonna get married and have babies").

That made me laugh pretty hard for the first time in a while. And I assured her that all of that was fine. I don't have my own family to get on me about it, so I don't mind if his does...and it was all pretty good-natured. Beyond that, The Boy and I have talked about all of this, so it is not really an uncomfortable discussion.

He has also talked with his Mom about it, I am sure, but this was really the first time I ever talked with her about it. And since I was in kind of a philosophical kinda mood, we ended up talking about it for a while (after we talked about my impending death, of course...). Is it weird to have deep discussions with your boyfriend's Mother about marriage and babies? Probably. But I am weird, so I don't really know what to tell you... He and his mom have a really good relationship, so she knows all of this stuff already anyway. [This is also the context in which she said just the sweetest thing ever, but I am still holding that one as a secret...Na ni na ni boo boo!]

Anyway, that gets us back to the larger "life issues" discussion, and I have an open question for readers. Or, rather, a series of them. You can feel free to respond via comment, email, IM or any other means you can think of...(carrier pigeons work...)

The questions are:
1) How old were you when you got married, how old was your spouse, and how long had you been together before you got engaged, and how long before you got married? If you are not married, how close are you, and what will make you finally want to do it?

2) Be totally honest, do you wish you had done it differently? Either waited longer, not waited as long (not done it at all:-P)?

3) How many kids do you have, when in the course of your relationship did you decide to have kids (or if it was a mistake), and when did you actually have them? If you don't have any, how many do you what, boys/girls, years apart, etc?

4) Again, totally honestly, if you could go back, how would you do it differently? (More, fewer, older, younger, closer, whatever)

I have a pretty diverse group of readers, and the more answers I can get, the better...I am looking for a "collective wisdom" thing. And this is not to be limited to women, either! I want the opinion of my male readers, too. Feel free to give me specific advice, which I will feel free to ignore, but will at least read:-D

Tomorrow I will write my own thoughts on this, at least partially based on what you all have to say.

Recovering...

The weekend was awesome! Mostly, it was just a lot of drinking, sunning, dancing and laughing. I gambled a little bit on Friday and actually won a few dollars, but not a whole lot. It was really nice to get to spend a few uninterrupted days with a couple of Big Sis' friends that I didn't know terribly well.

Golf on Friday was really fun. I beat Munchkin and Big Sis:-) And all the boys instantly fell completely in love with Smoking Hot Roommate (if they weren't before) when they realized that she is way better than all of them. Looking that hot in little golf shorts probably helps, too... The cookout was really fun, too. There were a lot more people there than I expected...it was actually kind of a pre-wedding family get together. Lots of both of their families stopped by for a little bit or for the whole night.

We briefly thought about bringing Munchkin with us to the casino, but decided against it (probably a good idea.) I may be a "cool Mom", but even I have standards;-) She and Papa Bear went to Red Sox games on Saturday and Sunday and went out on one of his friend's boats one day, too, so she had a fine weekend without being around the drunk kids. And yes, I managed to NOT talk to her when I was wasted:-)

The casino was kind of uneventful. The table minimums were like $25, so I didn't play much...two other girls and I pooled $100 each and played blackjack for a while. We ended up winning about $125, and then I lost a bit playing War. Overall, I think I won maybe $20, and drank free drinks worth a lot more than that:-D I think Big Sis kinda took a bath at the blackjack tables, but she wasn't saying how bad the damage was...lol. Maybe now she is finally willing to tell us all how bad it was:-)

We got up pretty early, all things considered, on Saturday and made it to Newport pretty early. We were on the beach by 1:00, which was better than I expected. Good thing we had drivers, because none of us was sober enough yet on Saturday morning to drive...lol. Both Saturday and Sunday we just basically hung out on the beach, drank fruity drinks, made fun of people that were...um..."Not in the kinda shape necessary to wear that bathing suit" and laughed a lot. Pretty low key, really. We went out both nights, and got a little crazy on Saturday, but not too bad. No one brought any strange boys home with them...lol. So that is kind of a victory.

Now I am just really tired. Sorry I don't have any more details than that, but there was nothing worth blogging about...no fights, no hookups, no sketchy men...just a basic good time. Boring, eh? Maybe we really are getting old...:-)

I would like to pretend that I have to get back to work, but this is not going to be a real productive day...I can tell. Maybe I will see if any of the boys feel like a long lunch...

More serious blog tomorrow, promise.

Half a Friday:-)

Happy Friday, everyone. I am a moderately superstitious person, but Friday the 13th doesn't really get to me. Nothing bad has ever happened to me, so I somehow think that I am not on the magic list of "people that bad things happen to on Friday the 13th." Plus I am in a good mood because today is a short day with golf in the afternoon and a cookout tonight.

I still have some more substantial blog topics floating around in my head, but those are not really Friday kinda topics, so I will hold them until next week.

I may be out on Monday. The guys are - kinda last minute - going to Las Vegas tomorrow morning until Wednesday, and we feel like that entitles us to extend our weekend by an extra day. That makes sense, right? Makes sense to me, and that is all that counts:-P A surprisingly large number of girls at the bachelorette party (like 6) have attachments at the bachelor party, so it should be a pretty easy sell. If I am not around Monday, it is because I am hanging out on the beach with a frozen drink in Newport;-)

For those that asked, my actual birthday is July 22nd, which is a week from Sunday, and for which I will be accepting good wishes up to and past that date:-) Feel free to set your Outlook reminders, first person to say Happy Birthday that day wins a prize:-) I think there is some fun stuff in store, but I will let you know more when I know more.

Papa Bear reminded me this morning that it was almost exactly two years ago that he yelled at me for the only time...lol. (It is towards the end of the very long "Introducing Smoking Hot Roommate" post.) Good thing I listened to him...it has worked out pretty darn well;-)

Anyway, today is a half day for me and I intend on doing virtually nothing all day:-) So if you have any emails of IM's for me, I will be most appreciated:-D

New Loves (again)

I am sort of swimming in blog-topics this morning...I have a lot I feel like writing about. However, I am also basically pretty lazy, so I am taking the easy road and picking the two simplest topics to write about.

First, the fun one: Munchkin had a date last night. Yes, there is a new boyfriend in the picture, and I was a little nervous because I hadn't met him (until last night). Remember yesterday when I was all fired up because motherhood was so easy? Well, scratch that...teenagerism scares me something fierce.

I am not 100% sure how I feel about this one...he is a very nice boy, but he is older than her (only by about a year and a half, but he is two grades ahead of her) and he doesn't go to school with her, so I don't really know him. Her previous admirers were both kids from school that I sort of knew, and more importantly knew of. I imagine this is something I will have to deal with going forward...

Anyway, he lives in Wellesley, which is a really nice town west of Boston. His family has a house in the same general area as the Papa Bear Family Beach Retreat, and she met him through some of their mutual summer-friends. Big Sis was technically in charge when all of this happened, so I blame her mostly:-) Smoking Hot Roommate was in charge during the second half of the week, so she shares some of this blame, too...

Long story short, the two lovebirds had to choose between chaperones for their first date: either on or both of his parents, or me. Apparently I am the cooler choice, so I got a text yesterday that said "If CuteBoy's Mom calls you, can you go with us tonight?" Incidentally, I am having a hard time thinking of new nicknames for all of her boyfriends...I am gonna start recycling soon. So I said sure, and a little while later I got a call from the Mother in question verifying that I would indeed be around with them.

/Rant starting

To go off on a tangent, this is why I never want to live in the suburbs...because you get very old and frumpy almost immediately. Seriously, Wellesley is like 10 miles from here, and the train ride into Boston is like 20 minutes long and is MUCH safer than driving a car. But she might as well have been sending him on a trip to the moon. I am surprised she didn't send him with a First Aid kit. And I have seen this in other people who move to the suburbs...one day they are hip city people, and a week later they are shopping for snow blowers, wearing running clothes everywhere and exchanging excited gossip because a new Panera Bread is opening nearby.

/Rant done

Sorry about that. So, I promised that we would meet him at the train, which we did, and then we went for pizza. I sort of had my own date...The Boy had a softball game, and I owed a friend of mine a drink, so I had him meet me for dinner so that I wasn't totally hovering over Munchkin. Then he had to run, and the kids wanted ice cream (and yes, I am definitely one of the kids) so we did that next. After that, he came over to our place for a little bit while his father drove in to pick him up...because being on the train after dark wasn't safe. (groan...)

Anyway, he seems like a nice boy. He is really cute and polite and is very nice to her. And despite being a little paranoid, his parents seem pretty nice, too. His father is a doctor at the same hospital as The Brain Surgeon and knows him pretty well and just thought it was the funniest thing in the world that Munchkin was gonna be in his wedding in two weeks (small world, and random that they never crossed paths when they were at the beach last week).

So that's that. Munchkin seems to like him, although I don't get the impression that she is quite as smitten as she was with the first boy last winter. Maybe she is just getting old and jaded already;-) I don't know how practical it is for two kids that age to see each other that often, but we'll see. I just like to see her happy:-)

The other news is that I am turning 25 in a week and a half and I am a little apprehensive about it. I don't really know why...I just feel like 25 sounds much older than 24...it is like solidly in the mid-twenties. And it is closer to 30 than 20.... But seriously, I go to Parent-teacher conferences and Little League games, what youth am I worried about losing...lol?

Role Reversals

This requires a bit of a flashback...(cue the hazy screen wipe...)

Munchkin moved in almost two years ago. When she did, she was pretty obviously scared and worried and uncomfortable and all of that stuff. I think for the first week she slept in my bed every night, and then gradually slept in her own room a little bit more and more. After a couple of months, she was completely settled, although she still sleeps with me sometimes, which I really like:-)

I do, however, remember a lot of nights where I would tuck her into my bed and then cuddle up with her when I went to bed later on. Or sometimes I would read in bed until she fell asleep...until the really peaceful nose-breathing that she does when she has just fallen asleep. One of my favorite sounds:-) A lot of times she would roll over in her sleep and wrap an arm around me, or bury her face in my side while I sat there. I doubt she even knew what she was doing, but those were the moments when I stopped to think that maybe, just maybe, I had this motherhood thing figured out just a little bit.

Back in present-day AM-world, I was still exhausted last night. The Boy was out with some friends (or work people, I kinda forget, maybe both) and Smoking Hot Roommate was out with The Rocket Scientist. So it was just me, Munchkin, a giant bowl of pasta and a loaf of Italian bread. After dinner, the baseball All-Star game was on, and Munchkin really wanted to watch it. I was bound to fall asleep no matter what was on, and baseball wasn't going to change that, so I suggested we get some ice cream and go into my room to watch the game.

So we did. We got our pajamas on, got two bowls of ice cream and tucked ourselves in to watch the game. And sure enough, before the first inning was even over, yours truly had already given up, curled up in a ball and gone to sleep. This time, it was Munchkin who sat quietly with her sister sleeping soundly next to her, and it was me who unknowingly snuggled myself as closely to her as I could. I think I woke up briefly when she turned all of the lights off and climbed back into bed, but I am not real sure. I slept pretty soundly:-)

Sweet Dreams

I slept like I was dead last night...and it was awesome! Munchkin and Smoking Hot Roommate were watching baseball, so I went to be at about 8:30. Being kind of tired, I asked The Boy if he would give his very sleepy and super adorable girlfriend a back rub:-) Yes, this is one of my very favorite forms of foreplay, and yes, that is fully what I had in mind at the time.

So I got undressed and stretched out in bed. Then he started rubbing my shoulders. Then it was 7:15 and The Boy was telling me I had to wake up to go to work...lol. I think I was awake for less than 60 seconds after my head hit the pillow. And I didn't wake up when he came to bed, or when he got up at about 6:30...(seriously, falling asleep before sex? I am not sure that has ever happened before.)

Wait a minute...maybe he never even came to bed!!! Maybe him and Smoking Hot Roommate are having an affair behind my back!!! Sorry...the paranoia needs a new outlet this week:-)

As a result, I feel much better today, although I am still kinda looking forward to going back to sleep tonight:-) In addition, I need to rest up, because this weekend is gonna be one heck of a bender, and I can't wait!

As I have mentioned, my very dear Big Sis (my pretend older sister, not to be confused with my pretend younger sister, or my two real younger half-sisters) is getting married on Saturday, July 28. She is one of my very favorite people on Earth, one of my heroes, and someone I would very much like to be more like if I could. I am happy beyond words that she has found a wonderful, loving guy that makes her laugh, challenges her and just basically makes her happy. Also, he is kinda easy on the eyes;-)

But that doesn't mean that we can't tear some shit up on one of her last weekends as a single girl:-) The basic plan goes something like this...golf on Friday afternoon with all of the boys from the bachelor party. This is kind of a late addition to the agenda...the guys were already golfing, but since Big Sis, Munchkin and I took the game up last month, we (and two other girls) are playing with them. Yes, it is likely that SHR will take all of their money before they realize that she is WAY better than any of them. And they won't even care because she is just so ridiculously hot...lol.

After golf, we are having a barbecue at Big Sis and SHR's cousin's house (which happens to be the house they grew up in, which their cousin bought from Papa Bear...get it?) This, too, is a boys and girls affair and will allow all sorts of various parents and relatives to attend some part of the festivities that aren't completely debaucherous. Mostly, Big Sis wanted to do it so that the littlest bridesmaid didn't feel too left out:-) (She already got ticked that we didn't bring her to London:-P)

From there we are splitting up with the boys. I have no idea what they are doing, and I feel like I don't wanna know...lol. As for us, we are hoping to blow outta town by about 9:00 on Friday and head to one of the casinos in Connecticut for the night. Since the bride and her maid of honor are both compulsive gamblers (I kid...sort of) we have to get some casino time in. We will probably also drink a lot:-) Just a hunch.

On Saturday we are going to Newport, which should be awesome. Hopefully, we can get everyone up and moving at a decent hour so that I can get some time on the beach! Or at least by a pool:-) Then we are just gonna go out, drink, dance, tease boys and just basically have fun. I make jokes about debauchery, but it will most certainly be pretty innocent. Or maybe not;-)

Anyway, that is enough for today:-) Hope everyone has a good Tuesday.

Long weekend and good news from the doctor

I should apologize ahead of time...this post is going to be long, and I think kind of rambly. Even though the weekend was really nice and very relaxing, I didn't sleep much, so I am kinda skippy. But...I am feeling a million times better now than I was last week, so everything is good:-)

First, the back story: I have a lump. A really scary, suspicious, dangerously placed one. It is just off the outside edge of my left breast, and it appeared out of nowhere and it is pretty big...like there is an M&M under my skin (OK, one of the little baking M&M's). I found it last Sunday when I was taking a shower, and immediately went into a panic. I know I can be fatalistic and all, but girls get taught from a very young age that lumps are nothing to be trifled with, so I was pretty concerned. The fact that there was no one around made it worse.

So I started worrying. Because that is what I do, I worry. I called the doctor first thing and she asked me a couple of questions about it and said "It is likely just a regular old cyst and is nothing you need to worry about, but why don't you come in and I will take a look at it." I was sort of reassured, but not completely. And the first chance I could get there was this morning (a week later) which meant a whole week's worth of worrying.

I told Smoking Hot Roommate, and I told both of the BFFs, but that was it. It was good to talk about it, but I still didn't sleep on Monday. Tuesday was a little better because SHR was home and that made me feel better. The Boy and I left for New Hampshire on Wednesday, and I decided not to tell him. I probably should have, but he is a worry wart just like me, and there was nothing he could do, so I didn't see any percentages in telling him then. It could wait until we were back.

The spot in New Hampshire was really beautiful. They had rented three houses right next to each other on a little inlet on Lake Winnipesaukee and a large revolving cast of aunts, uncles and cousins were in and out all week. There was a lot of activity going on...fishing, swimming, etc...but I really just basically sat on the dock or the back porch and enjoyed the peace and quiet. Friday was the best...everyone was out of the house all morning, and I had the whole place to myself to catch up on some work (re: send emails and IM's) and some other random stuff.

But...I still couldn't sleep. And I tried everything...I tried having a few drinks before bed, masturbating, turning a fan on for some white noise...but none of it worked. I spent the night either staring at the ceiling or tossing fitfully. I had my own room, which was both good and bad...good because I didn't keep anyone awake, bad because I was all alone.

Well, not entirely alone:-) The Boy's uncle has a big, goofy adorable Rottweiler named Otto that kept me company. But, I was so paranoid that even that made me worry...LOL. From the second I got there, the dog just latched onto me and followed me everywhere. Which is totally fine, I love dogs, and the bigger and smellier the better. But then on Friday I remembered a thing about dogs that could smell cancer, and I became convinced that he was following me because he could tell I had a tumor.

I think by Saturday I was maybe worrying myself a little sick, and it was starting to show. Three straight nights spent worrying about what I would do if I really was sick...can I keep a 12 year old if I am going through chemotherapy? Would I have to quit my job? What if it was more serious than that?...was showing, I think. Then Saturday night was really bad...I couldn't sleep at all.

This despite the fact that I watched Nascar and my favorite driver did pretty well (bet you didn't know I have a favorite Nascar driver...I am full of surprises...)

At about 4:00, I decided that I should go for a walk, so I went out and walked up around the neighborhood towards the town a bit. It was really, really freakishly quiet. No streetlights, no cars, no planes...just some random insect noises. And the jingling of the dog's collar:-) (I certainly wasn't gonna walk around at night in a completely secluded strange place without something to protect me!!! Of course, since he weighs about 125 pounds, he was doing the walking and I was doing the following...)

Anyway, The Boy's mother gets up really early, and once I heard her at about 6:00, I got up with her. She knows me well enough by now to know that I don't get up at 6:00am voluntarily, so seeing me everyday that early had kinda tipped her off that I wasn't right. She asked me in her really super sweet motherly way what was bothering me, and then suggested we go and sit down on the dock and talk for a while.

So here I go stealing other people's parents again...lol (a psychiatrist would have a field day with me...) But in all seriousness, this is the kind of conversation that I always wish I could have had with my mother. I told her what was wrong, and she gave me a hug and told me that whatever happened, there would be lots of people in my corner. Which I know, but it was just better to hear her say it. And I may have possible cried a little bit (or a lot:-)). She told me some things that I never knew (and I am not sure her kids know...so take that:-P), including something about The Boy that was so cute I just get all warm and fuzzy feelings thinking about it.

By the time everyone else woke up...probably almost 9:00, I was feeling much better. Still scared, but I felt better. I managed to wash up a bit before anyone saw that I had been crying for like two hours...lol.

I told The Boy the whole story in the car on the way home. At first he was actually sort of pissed because I hadn't told him yet, and then I got mad at him for being mad at me. Seriously, who is the one dying of incredibly aggressive cancer here? (Yea, my mind may have used the week to think of progressively worse possible diagnoses...) But eventually he got back to being the super-sweet boyfriend that he always is. Also, he probably wanted to get laid when we got home...lol (Or...maybe that was me?)

Smoking Hot Roommate and Munchkin got home about an hour after we did, and it was awesome to see the little one! I hadn't seen her in a week and I really missed her...and can't believe how tan she got! Also, there is a new boyfriend, but that will have to wait until another day.

Back to my story...I was at the doctor's office at 8:30 this morning, and was completely terrified. I still didn't sleep much last night, so I was exhausted, too. The good news is that the doctor took one look and announced "Yup, nothing to worry about. It is just a little deposit of fatty tissue, people get them all the time." So I asked her if it needed to be removed, and she said "No, it is totally harmless. There is no reason to remove it unless it gets bigger or is in a place that gets irritated." So then I asked "What about if it is gonna make me go crazy with paranoid worry?" and she said that yes, maybe it would be a good idea to remove it...

So that is where I am...super relieved and happy to be me:-) I know that maybe I was being overly paranoid and hysterical, but I can't help it...that is just who I am. Like I said last week, basically I have my shit together, but sometimes I reserve the right to be nuts for a couple days at a time:-)

This weekend is Big Sis' bachelorette party, which I will write about later on. Then her wedding is in two and a half weeks, and then I am having surgery the following week. And then there goes July...lol.

Leaving for some R&R

Happy Fourth of July everyone:-) This remains one of my favorite holidays, if only because it is an excuse for a long weekend and a party in the summer. And that is always a good thing in my book. I doubt anyone is reading today, but I have some time before I leave and won't write anything until at least Monday...so you will all have five days to read this. And, ahem...comment. I will probably be able to approve comments once or twice a day while I am gone, but I don't plan on writing.

Thanks for your kind words via comment and email and IM yesterday. Unfortunately, I am not in a general "Oh, woe is me" kinda funk...it is something specific. Something that I will go into when it is over, which will hopefully be soon. I don't feel a whole lot better today but at least I am more well rested. I really crashed last night and slept pretty well, so I am moderately refreshed. Smoking Hot Roommate came home around dinnertime, and we went out for some people-watching, appetizers and drinks. It was a beautiful night and the company was absolutely top notch. She always makes me feel better:-)

She just left a little while ago for the beach. Big Sis and the Brain Surgeon have been down there since Friday night and have had Munchkin, and now SHR and the Rocket Scientist are taking their own little vacation and will keep an eye on the little one. I am extraordinarily lucky to have such a big group of babysitters. But I miss her, too:-( I sent a hug down for her:-) I'm such a dork...

The Boy has been camping with a couple friends someplace south of Asscrack, VT and should be here shortly. Once he cleans up, we are gonna hit the road to see his parents. I don't even want to guess how bad he is gonna smell...lol. I'm willing to clean him up, though...hee hee.

I am going to have a much longer and more serious post on Monday (probably). But in the meantime, that's about it...I hope everyone has a good holiday and tries to get a little bit of time off. Enjoy the fireworks and the barbecues and the family and all the stuff that you like about life:-)

And if you see Munchkin, give her a hug from me:-)

Just lay off already, Big Guy

I am going to apologize ahead of time, this may be kinda depressing. But I am not having a real good morning, nor a good week. I didn't really sleep last night, which is complicating things. And I miss Munchkin but I also don't want her to come home. The Boy is away and totally out of touch from civilization until tomorrow morning. Smoking Hot Roommate is away, too, although I can at least talk to her and the BFFs.

I hate feeling like I have to rely on people, but I could really stand to not be alone today. The normally gorgeous apartment just seemed old, big, empty and scary last night. I guess the good news is that I know none of them will read this today, so I don't mind spilling a bit. And I asked The Boy's Sister not to read, and I don't think she will.

Mostly, I wish I had a Mom. Not just that I wish my mother were still alive, because that wouldn't do me much good. I mean that I really wish that I had someone that was my Mom that did all the things, and said all the things, and listened to all the things that Mom's are supposed to. Whatever, I am full of shit...I have never had a real Mom, so I don't even know what it feels like. It is probably not as good as I like to imagine it is.

Usually, I pretty much have my shit together. I think I have more responsibility than most people I know that are my age, but I get a lot of help from some really great people, and I manage OK. Truth be told, I kind of like feeling needed. And I am pretty tough. I may be little, and I may look fragile, but I am a pretty tough cookie.

But seriously...I don't want any more shit. No father? Fine, I will manage. Drunk for a mother? I'll get over it. Growing up surrounded by drugs, gangs and guns? I can keep my head down and get through it. Surprise children? Easy. Being sued and stolen from by various family members? Live and learn. Life threatening infectious diseases? I got the message.

But I feel like that's enough. I just wanna, I don't know...not have this kinda shit for a while. I think that would be nice. I don't need any more help, I don't want anyone's sympathy...I just want to be normal. I want shit to stop happening to me that shouldn't. I'm a good person, and I don't deserve it.

Anyway, sorry to be really vague and kind of a bummer the day before a holiday. Normally I would really be looking forward to going away (The Boy's parents and his father's brother and sister have rented houses on a lake in New Hampshire for the week and we are going up to stay with them), and I know it will be fun. And it will be good for me, but there is a part of me that wants to just sit in my living room, watch stupid TV, eat ice cream and sulk for a while.

Ironic: when you feel most alone, you just want to be left alone.

The Fam is Gone

I only have a little time to blog today, and it is sorta late in the day. And truth be told I am in kind of a shitty mood, but I am not gonna go into it. Maybe next week. The weekend was really nice, so I can tell you about that:-)

We had fun Friday, and then Saturday was absolutely beautiful, so the family got one last beach day in before we had to leave. I was really sad to see them go...it was great to see them, great to show them "my world" and really just a lot of fun to hang out with them as much as I got the chance to. Mostly I just miss my little Tinkerbelle:-( It is sort of frustrating to find a little sister you never knew about, and only get to see her a couple of days a year. I guess I am glad I get at least that much, but I wish I could see her more. Maybe as she gets older and can travel on her own...

Anyway, my aunts and uncles put together a sort-of Thank You package for Papa Bear and Smoking Hot Roommate and Big Sis for being so nice, and letting them use the house. I tried to tell them ahead of time that they are just that nice...but you sorta have to see it to really get the idea:-) I couldn't think of a better pretend family to have been quasi-adopted by:-)

Munchkin is still at the beach...she stayed down there with Big Sis and The Brain Surgeon, who are taking a little mini-vacation through Wednesday. So I have a couple more days to be off the leash a bit, which is kinda nice. But then I miss her, so I don't know what I want:-P

That's about it. Sorry for the short post, but no one is gonna be reading today anyway. Or tomorrow, but I am sure I will write tomorrow, too. Going away for a long weekend with The Boy and his family Wednesday to Sunday, which should be good, I will write more about that tomorrow.