Interesting discussion over at Cate's Show my Face the last couple of days about good and bad parenting and the rights of others to make judgements on it. Let's ignore that most of the debate centers around bringing kids to bars...lol...
[For the record, I don't think that my bringing Munchkin to bars is the same as the example she is citing...those kids are MUCH younger, and out later, and in a much different kind of place than I ever take Munchkin to. I just don't want anyone to think that I disagree with all of the people over there who think this was wrong on account of me doing the same thing.]
Kind of on the same subject of responsible parenting, I have this gem for you:
Message received at about 3:30 yesterday from Smoking Hot Roommate (it had been left an hour before): "Hey, I'm going to get Munchkin out of school early so we can go watch the soccer game. Call me if it's an issue." Of course, an hour later, it would have been a little too late for me to have an issue with it...lol.
First off, I had to have Laurwilk clear up a few things for me. Like...this was a soccer game on TV, not one they were going to in person (that was my first question). Fortunately, she is apparently up on the international soccer schedule and could tell me that Chelsea (which, we all know, is officially Munchkin's favorite team) had a big game against Barcelona yesterday.
So, what do we think...totally appropriate reason to skip out of school? I'd say so... (sarcasm aside, she missed an art class and lacrosse practice.)
I actually had a much longer post written about how this is the sort of thing that people sometimes feel entitled to make judgements on...but I don't feel like posting it. I am not sure that I can get my thoughts together coherently, and I am not sure that I have settled on my main thesis for the argument yet. Maybe tomorrow if someone incites me;-)
By the way, my sources tell me that the refereeing was exceedingly bad and cost Chelsea the game. Tragic...
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Parenting Judgements
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15 comments:
I have no kids and cannot relate to the responsibilities of being a parent. Thus, I will be judgmental for a second (even though I’m not entitled). Couldn’t the game have been recorded for her to watch after school? And I remember from the sports I participated in when I was in school, it was a real let down to the rest of the team if you missed even one practice (unless you were sick or hurt).
My thoughts...
Without knowing -- actually KNOWING -- you, Munchkin, the exact situation, etc..., nobody is "entitled" to make judgements.
No, scratch that. Nobody is EVER "entitled" to make judgements. They may have their opinions, but without being in the situation -- really IN, as one of the participants, one of the "family" -- one should not pass judgements.
You're raising Munchkin well (it's so freaking obvious). That's far more than most parents... or "parents."
Becky - Could the game have been taped? Absolutely...lol. As for missing the practice, it is not that big a deal. She is still only in seventh grade, so the sports are not very serious, and they do a lot more practicing than playing (they only play a couple of games against other schools). It is basically gym class, only once in a while they have gym class against another school...:-) Once they get to the high school level, it is more of a real commitment.
p.s. - I miss trivia!
Due to your anonymity and the details that are, at times, left out, I think it's really difficult for most people to fully understand your situation.
The word bar, for example, means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Some people think of Buffalo Wild Wings, others think of smokey hole in the walls or a wild club, while others might picture a hotel bar.
And the same goes with the school situation. I assume most readers think of Munchkin's school as what they experienced. But Munchkin's school is quite different than most middle schools throughout the country. Therefore, I think it's hard for people not to make some sort of judgement. But I think it's rare that they are making the RIGHT judgement. Only you can do that.
And I can relate. As the 'big sis' to little sibs, you just do things a bit differently. My siblings have been to bars in the summer at 3 AM. It was a quick in and out, but we ordered some cheese balls and chicken strips to go and they're curious to see what it's like inside. It opens up a lot of conversations that would never be relevant otherwise and really helps keep communicatin open.
Why is every single one of my comments a gosh darn book?
Lauren - 3AM?!?! What the Christ are they doing out at 3AM?!?!
Hey! I'm not a parent - I'm just a sister! :) Haha.
There's not much else open at 3AM during sibling slumber parties - and we live only seven houses down from the 'strip' of bars/restaurants. But only bars are open at 3! It's summer! What do they have to go to bed early for?!
I think relatively isolated incidents of taking children out of school for travel, family events, ball games, plays, concerts, etc. is just not a big deal, assuming the child is on task academically, etc. Given what I know about Munchkin, I think something like this is great. I suspect quality time with an adult she admires is more important than art class/lacrosse.
i'm pretty sure they had a barricade up at my school to prevent people from being signed out. i mean, seriously, my mom had to step foot in there in person and all but show my birth certificate and her driver's license to be able to get me out.
i also don't think you should listen to anyone that would ever judge your situation or the way you deal with your sister. i would argue that y'all are unlike any other situation that exists and you can do as you please and are old enough to make good judgment calls.
talk soon! xo
Uh-oh, am I in trouble?
Don't get me started on the officiating. Chelsea should have had THREE PENALTY SHOTS!!! THREE!!!
Coming from the non-parent here ... I guess for me, the game would be way low on the priority scale. When parents pull kids out of school, they not only disrupt their own children's learning, but they disrupt the classroom as a whole. But, as others have suggested, it's not my place to say what's right or not for your Munchkin. Seems to me like she's a very well-balanced girl whose grades likely will not suffer as a result of leaving school a little early.
I think it depends on the person and the situation. Obviously Big Sis adores you and Munchkin. She also seems like a logical girl who would have weighed the cost of missing an art class and lacrosse practice. I don't think it's a big deal in the grand scheme of life, but I'm not a parent.
I think if you want to lay down some ground rules about pulling her out of school, best to do it now.
We make a point of having at least one "skip out" day every school year. I take the day off of work, and I let Logan stay home. We do all kinds of girly stuff.
I only do this of her grades are up, and she hasn't missed any school prior to that!
Everyone loves to haul in on parenting issues don't they? I'm quite guilty of it myself. Although I do know from experience that it totally depends on the situation and the circumstances, and no one outside of the family ever really knows what's going on. My parents raised me in this great way that I really hope to raise my children in the same way. In that you feel your way through the parenting, doing what feels right to you and your family and not what comes out of a textbook or from some panel on the TV. We're all different and all need different things. If more people realised that I think the world would be a much better place :)
To me, the issue wasn't letting Munchkin leave school early - that is entirely your call... But that is the issue. If you wanted to let her leave early, that should be your decision, not someone else's. I know that SHR is like another "parent" to her, but ultimately, it should be on you to determine whether missing school is ok or not (and any other parenting type decisions).
Your beliefs should be shared with those around you as well - The Boy, SHR, etc. when it comes to her and they should be respected.
Just my 2 cents...
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