Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Bridal showers

Is there anything worse than bridal showers? I don't know anyone under the age of 50 who enjoys them at all. They are invariably scheduled at the most inconvenient times (Saturday afternoons in the spring and summer) and they are, in a word, BORING. Who, throughout the course of history, decided that it would be a really good time to watch someone open presents?

And, of all of the asinine "traditions" of a wedding, would you like to know what could easily be the asinine-est? How about making a fake bouquet out of ribbons from presents to use during the rehearsal. Are we kidding? What one earth does that accomplish, and how did it become a normal practice? First of all, you can probably get through the rehearsal without a stand-in for the bouquet. And second of all, that stuff is trash...throw it out, already! Or, save the environment and do without the ribbons in the first place.

Anyway, bridal showers suck. So, you can see my conundrum when my aunts in Chicago insisted on having one for me. I don't want to be a totally negative party pooper, and it seems really ungrateful to put off people that want to have a party for me. Just because I don't like bridal showers doesn't mean that I have to be the bitch who won't let others do something that they want to on my behalf.

So, I think I have reached a happy medium. First, I don't think it is unfair to ask that my mother's sisters and my father's sisters coordinate so that there is only one. There won't be that many people even if they are all together. They don't really know each other (and therefore don't hate each other yet;-)), so it will also be a nice chance for them to meet.

Second, absolutely no presents. Beyond not being registered, the present opening is my least favorite part of a shower, and is honestly something that I have always found kind of tacky. If there are any presents, I am leaving!!!

So, basically, I would like to have a ladies cocktail hour. If I had my druthers, I would like them all to get fancied up and meet at a snooty downtown bar for drastically overpriced drinks. That is something that my aunts would never do on their own, and I think it would be fun. Provided, of course, that the bar has room for two children:-)

Maybe the invitation should read "In lieu of gifts, the bride has requested that you buy yourself at least one $14 martini".

I am most interested to see who exactly shows up. As I have documented, there are some members of my mother's family that I am not on real good terms with. There are a couple that I don't really speak with, and there is at least one that I wouldn't be around for any reason. So, I imagine that they would stay away, but you never know. Same for my step-family...there are a few that I would love to have there, some that I wouldn't care either way, and one or two that I would be really surprised if they came.

Anyway, am I being a total bitch by nixing a bridal shower?


Kari said...

Nope...think a lot of people hate them! My BFF didn't want to have I got all her friends, aunts etc to send me their favourite recipes. I made her a book called "A shower of recipes", and there were no toilet paper games involved!


Jenny said...

I don't think you're being a bitch at all -- quite the opposite in fact! You want the people you love to get together and CELEBRATE. THAT'S what a wedding is all about.

Showers and the gifts that go along with them is a tradition that started so long ago when the couples getting married had nothing to start with. The point was to help them out and start building their home. Today things are much different and that need exists less and less.

I think your request is adorable and actually more well thought out!

Don't get me wrong, I don't think there's anything wrong with excited friends and family giving gifts to the couples they love, I just don't like that their such a big part of the process and people seem to forget WHY they're all together in the first place (and it has nothing to do with gifts!).

I think you have the right idea :)

Anonymous said...

you know what's funny? it's kind of like a funeral. it's for the other people, not the guest of honor.

anne said...

I went to this exact kind of bridal shower this weekend and it was hella fun!

Katie said...

I wouldn't say that you are being a bitch by any stretch. However, I do have mixed emotions on this one.

On one hand, I think that you should let them throw you a shower if they are so inclined. On the other, it is stressful opening gifts in front of a bunch of people so I understand your reticence.

dellie said...

Its your wedding and therefore your choice. You could also use the global recession as an excuse to cull the present giving and party!

Ally said...

This post makes me happy!

Why do we pretend that some of this crap is fun? I hate when everyone sits in a circle, and they pass each gift around and people ooh and ah over plates, bowls, diapers, or whatever...and yes, maybe worse than a bridal shower is a baby shower with games. My great-aunt's church banned games at baby showers in their annex. Seriously. Even really old people hate them.

Don't get me wrong...I like the idea of baby showers b/c people often do need help with all of that initial expense, and it's a way to celebrate their child. And bridal showers are ok too, but it seems like more and more people are getting out of control with all of this sort of stuff and are just plain rude. So in short,I like your idea a lot!

A said...

Girl, it is your wedding - do what you want! I pretty much find your idea of a shower to be f'ing awesome. (I have a shower to attend in a few weeks and dread is not strong enough a word to describe how I feel about it.)

A girl I work with had a shower and asked that everyone bring their gifts unwrapped so that they could just put them out and the old ladies could look at what she was getting without making a big deal out of the whole present opening. It was two years ago and I still can't decide if that was smart or even more tacky than the usual bridal shower.

I'm Not Carrie Bradshaw said...

Okay, I feel really strongly about this so warning that this will be a long comment. Considering the amount of bridal and baby showers I have been forced to endure, I am a FULL believer of doing exactly what you want for a shower AND forgoing it if you choose to do so. Both my step-mother and friend refused to let me throw showers for them and I was totally okay with it. To be honest if I ever tie the knot I will likely not have a shower or do something I enjoy more like a wine-tasting and pedicures or something. I also had to endure sometimes 2-3 showers for each person, not to mention bachelorette party and actual wedding (and more costs if I was IN the wedding)so I would appreciate it if someone just had a fabulous cocktail party, which is what my cousin ended up doing (although with presents) and it was lovely. The worst shower I ever had to endure was girls-only and lasted 3 hours (actually it might have lasted longer but I sent an SOS text from the bathroom for my bf to come pick me up). 2 full hours consisted of games (including a painful one that involved spelling out words for each letter of the baby's name--which was long-- and then reading each word for each person--which was like 40 people. You do the math.)and 1 full hour or present opening. Then we had to fill out our OWN thank you card and envelopes! I wish I was joking on this.

So, bottom-line I say: do whatever the hell you want! I know I will!

Lori S-C said...

nope...hate them. Beverages will make the gathering much more tolerable. well wishes only is great....

Ys said...


I do not and have not ever understood all this faff (real word I swear ;D) that goes on around weddings. I really think the reason for a marriage gets lost.

Aaron said...

Better yet: Should men be required to attend these?