Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Let's Embarrass The Boy's Twin Sister:-)

I didn't really give you a Father's Day recap during yesterday's rundown of the upcoming family visit, but it is part of a story I wanna tell today, so here goes. We left the beach house sort of early and made it back home at about 3:00. The Boy and I were heading out to his parents' house for a little barbecue, and then I was gonna come back to meet up with Papa Bear and family.

Papa Bear, bless his heart, had no interest in going out for dinner. Both of his (actual) daughters figured that he would probably like to have a really nice dinner at a really nice restaurant...but what he really wanted to do was watch golf all afternoon:-) He jumped at the suggestion that everyone come over to our place and we fire up the grill! (Don't tell the fire department...we have a grill on the deck:-))

Anyway, The Boy and I went out to his parents' house. His older brother and sister were both up with their families for the weekend, which ensured that his parents were both on cloud nine. They were a little disappointed that Munchkin was too tired to come (what, I am chopped liver?) but basically glad to have all four of their kids and their four (plus one!) grand kids in the same place.

And now I am going to totally embarrass one of my new readers:-) This is what you get for asking me to read my blog! I actually sat down and talked with The Boy's older sister, which I have never really done before. I have met her a few times, but never really talked at length...and she had quite a story for me!

I brought up how she and his older brother are quite close (they live really close to each other and see each other all the time) and how The Boy and Twin Sister (oh yea...from now on, they are Older Sister and Twin Sister) are super close. And she casually mentioned about how she and Twin Sister had gone a long time without speaking. I don't know what happened...she says "It was silly and it was my fault, I should have been a better sister"...but they went about five years without speaking.

The rest of this story is from Older Sister's perspective, as she told it to me...

When they were younger, they were actually pretty close...culminating in Twin Sister being the Maid of Honor at Older Sister's wedding. But, from the time The Boy and Twin Sister were about 20 until about 25, the two sisters never really spoke. There was a falling out, and the timing of it implies a lot about its content. That's not important. What is important is that Older Sister and her husband spent several years trying to have a baby, and had a terribly time getting pregnant. About four years ago, she had a relatively late miscarriage that devastated her. She became really depressed, lost her job, stopped eating well, and sort of withdrew from her friends.

This was also at a particularly stressful time for her husband, who was losing his father to cancer as all of this was going on. The loss of the baby hit him hard as well, and the emotional strain was wearing on their marriage. Twin Sister heard all of this through their Mother, who was feeling terrible and helpless and was crushed that her offer to come down and stay for a while was rebuffed.

So Twin Sister did what any really great sister might do...she showed up unannounced on her Big Sister's doorstep to take her out for a cup of coffee. She took her out to tell her that she loved her, that she wanted to help her, that she didn't want to fight anymore, and that life was too short to go on being mad and stubborn about stupid things.

And she drove for seven hours by herself in a borrowed car in the middle of the night to do it:-)

She ended up staying for about a week...begging her graduate school professors to make up exams later on. They talked the whole time, caught up on what they had missed and what they hoped would come from the future. They healed wounds...including the ones between each other, and just basically went back to being sisters again.

The two of them are still not terribly close. I don't know how much of it is a result of losing five years with each other, or whether or not there is still some animosity, but they are not as close as a lot of sisters are. They talk occasionally, send pictures and cards and basically stay in touch enough to know what is going on in their lives. It was important to Twin Sister that Older Sister be the Matron of Honor in her wedding last summer, and she got a very early phone call telling her that Twin Sister was expecting. Maybe Motherhood will give them more to talk about... One thing is for sure, Older Sister considers that week that Twin Sister came to visit as one of the seminal moments of her life, and she will always remember the face that showed up on her doorstep when she was at her absolute lowest...

One final note: about a year and a half after this episode, Older Sister and her Husband had their first child, a beautiful, healthy baby girl that they named after her Mother's Dearest Little Sister.


"Twin" Sister said...

Great. Now I need to explain to my co-workers why I am openly bawling at my desk. I wasn't really expecting to read this at lunch today, and it brings back a whole lot of stuff. And I am sorry that I never told you. I should have.

I'm glad she didn't tell you the real reason we were fighting. It is not exactly what you are guessing. I'm not real proud of what caused the fight or of either of our decisions to keep ignoring each other. And you are right that it is hard for two people to get past that time period and be back to normal. But things are pretty good. She is my sister and I love her and I am a better person because she has been my sister.

Accidentally Me said...

I don't care why you were fighting...I think it was a gesture that showed incredibly love and support for your family. And I can tell that your sister holds the whole thing close to her heart.

That said, once you have this baby, I am getting you drunk and getting this story out of you;-) You can't keep it a secret from me forever!

nicole d. said...

AWWWW! This is a nice story. I always wished I had a sister, but unfortunately was given only two brothers. Oh well. I also thought it would be really cool to have been a twin...nothing I could do about that though, my mom swears I'm not a twin.

socal sweetie said...

Aww, it was really nice to read this story! I love to read about people throwing away grudges and doing things from the kindness of their heart, thanks for making me smile with this post =]

Accidentally Me said...

Nicole - Twins scare me. They really do. These two especially...it is kinda weird!

Socal - Don't thank me, thank the girl that did all the driving!

Lisa said...

ehm, that one got me a bit teary-eyed :) That's really a nice family anecdote