Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Love at First Sight

I have been a terrible Blogger of late, I am aware of this. And I apologize profusely and in the most reverential and sincere manner possible. I promise to do better for at least the rest of this week...

Seems like there is a lot of love-doings in the Blog world lately, and it has got me to thinking. LPEG had a date last Friday, and so did KT. Freeandflawed seems to have realized that a relationship is just not going to be the one, as has Brookem, and (a while back) So Midwestern. Meanwhile, Ally seems to have found someone she really likes, and OC is completely smitten. The Overeducated Nympho has herself two boyfriends...although in classic fashion, one of them is so big she is gonna need to do some Pilates in preparation and the other one shot her in the eye...

I was actually thinking about KT's date recap, and some related conversations about first impressions and, to use the word that comes up a lot, "Sparks". Quite simply, it is the electric feeling you get from some people the first time you meet them. A tingle in your spine and a strong, inexplicable desire to be around that person more and more. It's the perfect guy who takes your breath away the very first moment you see him, makes you melt with a smile and causes you to forget what you were saying and ignore everyone else in the room. It is a staple of every movie or book love story, and it is the kind of thing that every little girl waits her whole life for.

It is also complete bullshit.

I don't believe in sparks. At least I don't believe that they are useful. They certainly exist, but it is a ridiculous fantasy to think that you can have some magical connection with a person the first time you lay eyes on someone. So no, I do not believe in love at first sight.

I don't think you can love someone without knowing them. "Sparks" aren't some kind of mystical fairy-tale love...they are physical attraction. Ever had a tingle the first time you met an ugly person? OF COURSE NOT!!! You don't look at someone the first time and feel a deep spiritual connection, you look at someone and feel like they are hot!

Lifelong happiness doesn't come from falling in love at first sight. It comes from falling in love over an entire relationship.

Soulmates aren't people that make you tingle when you meet them the first time. They are the people that make you tingle when you meet them the 100th time.

9 comments:

anne said...

So well said!

They are the person who gives you that tingle when they change your oil, or empty the dishwasher. They are more than just a good looking person.

ella said...

You left out "kissy-face" Aaron!

And I 100% agree with the "sparks" issue. I once had a guy break up with me because he no longer felt butterflies when he saw me. Super immature.

kristin b said...

amen!

i call it lust at first sight.

and i want the foot pop.. after a lifetime together.

Lpeg said...

I was just going to say I didn't 100% agree with this... but I'd have to take that back. I fell in love with someone whom I was absolutely repulsed by the first time I saw him (it wasn't really his looks, but his attitude!.. and he wasn't super cute)

But eventually we became friends and I fell head over heels for this guy, because I learned that it was more of an act than the way he truly was, and he would do anything for those he loved.

But part of me still hopes that there is something I am attracted to when I go out with someone on the first date, whether it be his smile, his eyes, or his personality, and I consider that the 'spark' or equivalent.

Nilsa S. said...

I think there are physical sparks and emotional sparks. It's very easy for the physical sparks to be present. However, as you said, the emotional sparks take time to develop.

Ally said...

I think sometimes those "sparks" are actually a bad thing...at least for me. That initial consuming lust distracts me, helps me overlook more important long-lasting aspects of a person, and has resulted in me dating people who I wouldn't otherwise. There's something to be said for attraction developing over time--as you actually know the person (and not just that they are super hot).

Jenn said...

Thanks for the link love :)

I've been trying to think of something that's not bitter to say in reply to this post. But I can't. I gotta start bottling the bitterness!

OC said...

Great post. I agree - I don't believe in love at first sight. I don't believe in an "instant connection." I believe in getting to know someone and the more you get to know, the more you like. And people get more attractive (or less attractive) based on their personality.

Still just me said...

At 14, I had that spark with a 16 year old boy at school. We dated for awhile, and during that time, I had a dream that we were married at a much older age. Then we broke up.....

20 years later I recieved an email from this very same boy, only now he was a man. The dream I had over 20 years ago has now come true, and we are married.

Weired huh?