Monday, April 14, 2008

The Things I Think About During Sex

I am going to warn Twin Sister ahead of time, you probably don't want to read this. I mean, obviously your brother is pretty hot, but that doesn't mean you wanna hear some of this about

I think the sugar overdose (I am not kidding, I ate 12 cupcakes, at least) may have led my mind to race a bit, but I had quite the stream of conscious during sex on Saturday night. Now, I didn't actually take notes, so I can't promise that this is exactly what I was thinking, but as much as I can remember, this is pretty much how it went.


My boobs look big. If I get fatter, will they keep getting bigger?

Mmm...he smells good. His shaving cream smells great. I'm gonna kiss his neck even though it makes him laugh. Yea, sorry, I couldn't resist.

The Office was funny on Thursday but really depressing. Jan's boobs are hilarious. I guess mine don't look so big after all.

Oh...the gentle back scratch, god that feels good. I seriously would have married any guy who consistently scratched my back during sex. I could sleep here. But oh fuck does he feel good. Maybe I will just rest for a second.

His eyes are closed. I wonder what he's thinking about? Maybe Jessica Biel. That's acceptable. Is she still dating Justin Timberlake? They would have beautiful kids. Who knocked up Jessica Alba? I took my pill this morning, right?

Wow am I ever wet. I must be well hydrated. I did drink a lot of water today. Well, tonic water. Mixed with vodka. But still, it is water, right? I don't want to come yet. I will sit up a bit...give him more of the visual. Of my huge new boobs.

I should go to the gym. Seriously, this is the only excercise I get, really. Well, I do walk a lot. And I never take the elevator at home, I always climb the stairs. Says the girl who ate 12 cupcakes and half a plate of nachos. Yea, how is that for weak justification?

He really is hot. He is getting hotter, too...he has gotten bigger through the chest and shoulders since I have known him. I guess that is what happens when you go to that "gym" place. And holy shit does he feel really good right now. Fuck it, I don't wanna fight it any more. Damn that shaving cream smells good.

There it is...first the tingle behind my neck, then the goosebumps, then the lightheadedness....ahhh....heaven. He knows just where to touch. Did I ever tell him how much I love when he scratches my head after I come? I don't think I does he know? Although my hair is gross right now. That's ok, I have an appointment this week to have it done. Maybe I will change the color. One of these days I should go back to blond, I suppose. Not this week, though.

Did Munchkin's brother call her today? That fucknut, I don't think he did.'s not her actual birthday, you idiot. Shit...did I remember her presents at the restaurant? I think so. Mental note to check on that.

Meanwhile, back to the task at hand. I know how much he loves talking dirty, so I am gonna tell him exactly what I want from him right now. I could have been a porn star! Well, no, I couldn't, but I could have been a coach. Or maybe a writer.

How funny was that old lady in the bathroom trying to wave her hand in front of the paper towel dispenser like it had an electric eye on it? I mean...the crank was like three inches from where she was waving her hand. I should blog about that. Actually, I should blog all of this stuff. Should I be thinking about something else? Like the beautiful sight that I happen to be straddling right now? So my mind wanders a bit...big deal.

Not like I can't think about two things at once. Or four. He certainly looks to be enjoying himself. And he sounds like it, too. Of course, I have already guessed that he is thinking about Jessica Biel. Who am I kidding, he is probably thinking about golf.

I can't wait to go golfing! It was so warm today it really got me itching to try it again. So, I suck...big deal. It's fun and Big Sis and Munchkin suck with me. But we are super cute golfers, no doubt. I gotta get some adorable golf shoes. That will really make me better. Maybe if next weekend is nice...I have to take my car out anyway, it hasn't been driven in a while. I think I need an oil change, too.

He really is beautiful:-). I should tell him how lucky I am more often. Well, with words, not just this fantastic hip action. Yea...he likes that. OK, he is close now...I will just tell him that one thing to push him over the edge. Ahh...and there it is. Is it slutty of me to love the feeling of him coming in me? Probably, but what is wrong with being slutty? I kinda like it.

I can hear his heart beating. Boy, this sure is a comfortable spot, here listening to his heartbeat, wrapped in his arms. "I love you".

Oh, and I wanna get a dog. A big one.



Lpeg said...

This post had me cracking up!

It is amazing the things you think about during sex... some things shouldn't even cross your mind.

I really hate it when I think of something funny, then I start laughing. "Ooops. No, I'm not laughing at you! I was just thinking of... hmm.. nevermind.."

Loved it. Thanks for the laugh :)

Anonymous said...

Hilarious!! Thanks for the morning laugh.

We all have some of those times when our minds just wander....


Rachel said...

This is one of the funniest posts that I've ever read! I guess it's easy for your mind to wander during sex especially when you have so much going on, and I'm sure that all that sugar will do it to you. Haha!

Ys said...

hehehe how the hell do you manage to think so much during sex? i can't get my mind to think about anything else when i'm at it!

ella said...

Love this post! Sometimes I tend to do the same thing. HAHA.

I'm Not Carrie Bradshaw said...

That's amazing! I can't remember ANYTHING I think about during sex. I know my mind wanders but afterwards I don't even remember things I said, let alone thought about.

Clearlykels said...

You seriously cracked me up. Hilarious!

cindy said...

I'm late to this post!

Now I'm curious...what WAS The Boy thinking during all this? Probably "Gawd, her boobs look great. Ooh, that feels -- Uh-oh, I may have finished too early." =)

Andrea McKay said...

Just found your blog and have been looking around and enjoying it -- had to comment on this one! I now will consider keeping a notebook by the bed for writing purposes like this. However the stream of consciousness would be much shorter in my case. We've been married for a long time. ;)