Monday, January 28, 2008

And another question

Florida was awesome...although we landed in a bit of a snow squall yesterday, which made for a pretty rocky approach. I have had a really good run of flying luck lately, so I guess I was due for a rough flight. Ahh one got sick, so it was all good.

We really did pretty much nothing. Sat on the beach, and on the deck at the house. We ate tons of bad food and drank a lot and just basically hung out. Munchkin caught up with a girl that she is friendly with from down there (she met her one of the other times we have been down there), so she and the friend she brought kinda disappeared with that girl and her friends for a while, which was good. And really, that was kind of about it...great to get out of the cold for a bit!

Lots of good input from Thursday's bridesmaid questions, and some really good ideas. The one thing I think I was most surprised with was the response to the idea of his sisters. First off, I love Jenica' idea of ignoring gender lines and letting people stand up for whoever they fit best with. We had actually discussed that, and while I don't know if we are really going to go forward with it, that might actually accomplish a couple of things...more on this tomorrow maybe.

I was surprised that there were so many people who felt like I should leave them out, though. Especially Twin Sister...because truthfully, I would feel really weird if she wasn't in the wedding somehow. It would be totally inappropriate to leave her out.

But I am totally on board with the idea of giving people other things to do. I doubt we will get married in a church (I think we are going to talk to his Mom about it...neither he not I particularly care, but it may be something that is important to her, and I would gladly do it if it really matters that much to her) so there won't really be scripture, but there will be something. I don't know exactly yet. There is also a thing you are allowed to do in Massachusetts that I think is kind of neat and may take advantage of (and now, it's not the right to marry someone of the same sex:-P)

So, I am pretty sure that we have worked all of this out. But...I am not going to tell you until later this week:-P The Boy and I have to make sure we are set on what we want to do, and then I have a couple of phone calls to make, and then I will tell you all:-) Should be a couple of days.

However, I have one more question... And this, if I am going to be perfectly honest, is something that I first wondered about right after I learned what a wedding was. In other words, for like 20 years. The question is...who am I going to walk down the aisle with? I gave up any hope that it would be my own father by...oh, I dunno, maybe age 10 or so...and have sort of though about this at various times throughout my life. I know, kinda random, but whatever.

And again, there are a couple of people that I can think of. I have written at length about my issues with my family growing up, but there is actually someone that I have always held in the highest regard, and who was as much of a male influence as I ever had as a little kid: my mother's oldest brother. He is still pretty much my favorite family member, and while I wouldn't say that we are super-duper close, he is family and is someone that I have always counted on to be the reasonable and responsible member of the family.

Second would be Papa Bear. He is not my father, but he has certainly treated me like a daughter. This might be one small way to convey exactly how appreciative I am to him and his two daughters for all that they do for me and for Munchkin.

Third would be Munchkin:-) No rules against that! And that is kind of appropriate on a couple of levels.

Fourth...BFFb. As I have mentioned a bunch of times, he holds a really special place in my heart. For a variety of reasons and due to a bunch of different things, I have a bond with him that I just don't think I could have with anyone else (and no, we never hooked up:-P). We have been through a lot of shit and I give him a bulk of the credit for getting us through it.

And finally, I don't have to walk down the aisle with anyone. If the role is traditionally reserved for a parent and caretaker who is "giving his daughter away", well then there is really no one more appropriate than myself to do that.

So there is one more question to chew on... And to be honest, once I decide these things...I am pretty much all set. Well, I have to get a dress, too. But the rest if pretty much decided:-) I told you...I am not gonna fret over this stuff!


Lpeg said...

Before I got to who you were thinking, my first thought was Papa Bear. I don't know much about your mom's older brother and your relationship with him though, but it seems like from everything you've told us about Papa Bear that he is a father figure to you, and I think that would be a way in which you can show him how much that's meant to you. Just a thought.

Can't wait to hear what you've decided!

Accidentally Me said...

OMG! I forgot one...shit...I have to republish this...

Accidentally Me said...


EAJ said...

From what we know, I would also choose Papa Bear. He seems to have been most like a father to you over the past few years. Especially during your years with The Boy. It would be a sweet and sincere gesture.

I would probably eliminate your mom's older brother since you said you aren't super close. It should be someone with whom you are really close, and just because he's reasonable and responsible, doesn't make him THE candidate.

I went to a wedding where the brides two daughters walked her down the aisle - one on each side. It was one of the sweetest things ever.

If you want to break tradition, you could always walk down the aisle with The Boy. However, I like the idea of him watching you walk down the aisle. But, it has been done.

I've been a big help, I know.

ella said...

I think Papa Bear should walk you down the aisle. Just from what you've written, he's really treated you just like his own daughter.

Still just me said...

I also go with Papa Bear. It appears that he has done so much for you, and welcomed you into his family with open arms. What a wonderful way to tell him thank you.

Jessie said...

I love Jenica - she is wise! She's also one of my wedding photographers. She's also getting married on Friday. I like to brag about her, sorry :)

I ditto the idea of Papa Bear. Especially if Munchkin is your MOH. It sounds like he's been a huge part of your life, and then Munchkin will be right there next to you during the ceremony.

This is a topic that I've had on my mind too. Since I'm almost 30 years old, I've been on my own for a long time, and this isn't my first marriage, I've decided to walk alone.

Jenica said...

I keep mulling this over.

Knowing only what I know about you from this blog, what impresses me about you is YOU. You are one hell of an impressive lady. You've gotten where you are, seemingly against a lot of odds, because you were determined and persistent and weren't about to let life hold you back. Because of that, I love the idea of you walking alone. The people who have supported and loved you will still be there around you, but you come across as a strong, self assured person who deserves to shine on her own.

This was a big question for me too. We're having a very small ceremony, and it seemed odd to have my dad walk me down the aisle for something so intimate, where the people have all supported us in a very equal ways. When discussing it with Scott, he seemed surprised that we weren't walking in together. He explained that he saw us starting this fantastic, lifelong journey together, and in his mind, he had never pictured anything other than us walking into that ceremony to start our marriage to each other, hand in hand. When he explained his feelings, I knew that was the right thing for us. Of course, we'll miss out on that hugely emotional moment when my groom first sees me, but I'm sure we'll have our own hugely emotional moments, and this is what is most "us."

And... I'm babbling again. Sorry!

Kyla Bea said...

I don't like the idea of someone ushering me down towards my groom and 'giving' me to him, so I've been thinking about this too...

I guess, I would ask at every step of the way 'does this part of the ritual of marriage have personal meaning for us?'. If being given away isn't important to you as a gesture, why not walk down the aisle together or on your own?

I don't think it's about being non-traditional, but if you have a bunch of people you would consider having give you away maybe consider having them stand with you instead of giving you away. But if you would consider letting them give you away I vote have the important ones stand with you, it's not 1910 here = )

The best book I've found on wedding planning that I would recommend to someone like who I think you are from reading your blog (sorry, I've been lurking!) is the anti bride wedding planning guide ( It's not about being anti-wedding, it's just got a lot of really cool ideas and is based on the premise that weddings shouldn't cost $40000

Jessie said...

Aww Jenica that gave me warm fuzzies :)

That is going to be awesome.

I'm sorry I'm using Accidentally Me's blog to reply to you.

Ys said...

Ooh I love the idea of walking in together :) Cos I've always wanted to just run off with my man and get married without any fuss or anything, I've never really thought about bridesmaids, people giving me away, etc. So I really like the idea of walking in together.

If you did want someone to give you away, tho, I think you probably already know who you want, deep down. Go with your heart :)

AaroN said...

I'm surprised you considered anyone BUT Papa Bear!

OC said...

I'm a little late here, but I'd go with Papa Bear as well... once you first started with the question, that was my first thought.

Let us know!