Meet The Mouth

I never got the chance to tell you about The Mouth yesterday, so I will now. The Mouth is awesome…and that is all there is to it! And even though she called me dirty names for naming her The Mouth (if only that were the first time she ever called me names…), I still think that she is super cool.

The Mouth reminds me a Big Sis in a lot of ways. Starting with her being mega-smart like both Smoking Hot Roommate and Big Sis, and she also has the sort of inherent toughness that Big Sis has, too. Neither is shy about looking a big tough dude in the eye, telling him to fuck off and making him cower in fear. The Mouth also has the advantage of this great, super-sexy, gravelly voice that makes her seem like she is longshoreman-tough. Which she sort of is.

The Mouth lived on the same floor as me, The Body and Smoking Hot Roommate when were freshmen. How weird is that? Just totally randomly, the four of us were like right next to each other right from the start. The thing I always admired about Mouth was that she knew exactly what she wanted and what she needed to do to get it. She was a finance major from day 1 (how many 18 year old girl say “I want to be a Finance Major”? Not enough, if I get on my soap box for a second…seriously, give your little girls aspiration, you will be amazed at what they can do. Ok, done.) And from the beginning she was trying to make contacts at investment banks for internships and jobs down the road. I always wished I had that kind of focus, that there was something I knew I wanted that much.

Mouth actually lived at home sophomore year…she was from pretty nearby, and was saving money. So she lived in the dorm as a freshman, and then rejoined us in our apartment when we were juniors. She left us for a while during Junior year because she did a semester abroad in Spain, but other than that, she was with us for those two years and the summer before.

The best part about Mouth is that she absolutely terrifies boys. Guys will see her and think “Wow, check out the good looking broad with the great ass,” right up until they get a loud “What the fuck are you looking at?” Then they sort of cry a little and sit at the other end of the bar. Not that she can’t be very good to boys, who often seem to get a little too attached to her, in a kind of stalker way. We don’t need to go into that, though.

Anyway, Mouth lives in Los Angeles and she works for a hedge fund and lives with The Body. The hedge fund thing is a function of Papa Bear as well. He knew Mouth, and knew that she was hyper-smart and wanted to work in finance. He also has a lot of contacts in a lot of places, so during a conversation with a colleague who worked out there he mentioned that he knew a super capable girl that might work out well. She went out for an interview and was supposed to meet with like five people. She met the Managing Director first, who was supposed to talk with her for an hour, but hired her 20 minutes into the interview…true story. She can be pretty impressive when she puts her mind to it. [Note: she wants me to make sure that I add the fact that there are almost no women in the industry, so when she came to them personally approved by Papa Bear, she had the job before she even said a word and it was not a function of her brilliant interview. That is just her being self-depreciating, though…I like my 20 minute story better.]

Some basics…she is an only child, and the only one of my friends anywhere whose parents are still married (although Smoking Hot Roommate and Big Sis’s parents never separated, nor did Munchkin’s). And she and The Body are both currently single, and I am willing to put in a good word for any boys that are particularly nice to me…

Start groveling.