Found:-)

Much, much to talk about today...most of it good:-) First off, the BFF's are the best...that is just a general observation:-) We had a really nice visit and it made me wish even more that they lived out here. I sort of had them decided to move out here last year, but that seems to have been back-burnered...I have to get back to work on that.

Now, on to my cryptic and depressed posts from a couple weeks ago. A couple of you figured out what I was talking about, but I didn't really feel up to broadcasting the specifics, so I didn't publish your comments (Sorry about that Nicole D, Ys and EAW, I usually don't do that, and don't like to). Some of you may have also noticed that there has been one person conspicuously absent from the proceedings here for the last two weeks.

The truth is that The Boy has not really been the biggest fan of yours truly lately. And I can't really blame him...I fucked up and it was really my fault. Without going into the specific details, I changed my mind on something that I know is important to him, and that I knew he would be unhappy about. And rather than tell him in a prepared, rational manner, I let it slip in a random conversation as kind of a throwaway. (I am not withholding details for any reason other than the interest of brevity; it is not all that exciting. If you are that interested, email me and I will give you the whole story.)

So, that really irritated him, and it turned into a larger discussion about priorities and there was some "You take me for granted" stuff involved. The net result was him questioning whether or not we wanted the same things, and really whether or not he wanted to be with me anymore. And us both taking some time away from each other to think about what it was that we really each wanted.

I was kind of a mess over that. Part of it was because I don't blame him for thinking that I take him for granted...the truth is that I probably don't say or show him how much I appreciate him nearly as much as I should. And I can understand why he thought that I was, once again, re-assigning him further down my priority list. And not talking to him for a bit didn't help, although in hindsight it was a very good idea (memo to everyone: taking some time to get some distance, formulate your thoughts and calm down can be really helpful.)

The good news was that he sent me an email a couple of days later saying basically that he was really pissed, and he wanted both of us to take some time, but that he really did want to try and work this out. Which made me feel a million times better because I was kind of thinking the exact same thing. But I still didn't see or talk to him for almost two weeks, which was really no fun.

He called me on Saturday afternoon suggesting that I come over on Sunday after the BFF's left for the airport. Which means I was kinda nervous and on edge all day on Sunday...even though I felt pretty good about it, I was still really worried that we just wouldn't get anything resolved and that would be the end of it. I really wanted to call his Twin Sister to find out what he was thinking, but I really didn't want her to get in the middle of it, so I didn't.

When I finally got to his place, it was actually a little bit weird and maybe kind of awkward. And he definitely had to say all of the things that were bothering him again. Which hurt, partially because some of it was unfair, but partially because some of it is very true and I know that it is true. The good news was that I had re-re-thought about the source of the original argument (I had some help from Smoking Hot Roommate, who kindly pointed out the things that I was being a big giant baby about;-)).

That really wasn't the whole thing, though. More than any individual event, it just had to do with basic priorities and wants. I really needed to tell him how much he means to me, and how much I want to be with him, and how willing I am to start making very long term plans with him (like, permanent ones). And I was willing, I just never really told him or showed him that, and he deserved some affirmation of it.

So, we talked for a long time, and I feel really, really good about it. We talked about what we want out of each other and ourselves, about moving in together, about marriage, about school and really just about us and about life. There was plenty of middle ground for us to meet in, and I think we are both really happy with where things are now. I know I am.

And that doesn't even start to cover the makeup sex!!! Don't think the two weeks without him was easy on that level, either;-)

Anyway, that is my story for today. The upshot is that I have had some Boy issues, but after some trauma, things are likely on better footing than they were before. And hopefully this is a building block for bigger and better things.