I am a little surprised that I didn't get a little bit more of a reaction from the teen pregnancy pact story yesterday. Seriously...these girls sat down together at age 16, and planned to all get pregnant together. Who the fuck gets herself pregnant at 16 on purpose?! Also, it hasn't really come out, but there is absolutely no way on earth that there are 17 different fathers. There are a couple of 16 or 17 year old boys who now have 2-3 kids...good luck with that.
I know that some people have blamed it on the glamorization of teen pregnancy in things like Juno and some other stuff. There could well be some truth to that, but I don't know that I am willing to just blame it on Hollywood. A lot of this has to fall on the families. Teen pregnancy used to have a stigma, and to be honest, that is not totally unhealthy. And that stigma should come mostly from the overriding thought that "My mother will kill me if I do this."
Which is not to say that teen mothers should be branded with scarlet letters and shunned by society. The truth is that there are a lot of really good mothers who had babies long before they probably should have. But, VERY few people are emotionally, financially and otherwise prepared to really care for a baby. Scratch that...very few couples, and almost no individuals. My guess is that these 17 babies in Gloucester are not attached to any couples...I don't see a forthcoming wave of marriages to follow.
I know that shit happens, and kids make stupid mistakes. Me included. What is alarming about this is that it wasn't a mistake...this was a conscious decision made by children who are not equipped to make that kind of a decision. And there was not enough moral guidance around them that was able to input the correct decision-making framework into the situation.
Before anyone gets snippy...I am fully aware that I am not exactly June Cleaver. I have acquired the responsibility for a 13 year old, and I routinely break all kinds of parenting rules (she has no bedtime, she had very fuzzy "family" boundaries, she spends an inordinate number of nights every month sleeping in other places, she hangs out in bars...the list is pretty well documented.)
But you know what I do? I talk to her. A lot. About what she does all day, who she sees, what they talk about, etc. And we talk about all kinds of things that are at least a little uncomfortable for me to think about when they involve my baby sister. But if I don't talk to her about it, somebody else will. Mostly, I don't want her to ever think she needs to go somewhere else.
What's my point? My point is this...you don't have to be mother or father of the year to be able to convince your 16 year old not to get pregnant on purpose. Just take the time to impart some common sense.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Quick...what is the capital of Alaska?
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11 comments:
I totally hear ya on the parental guidance issue - as that is definitely the core. But I think this Hollywood thing does nothing to help an already precarious situation. Girls think it is cool to be pregnant. They think it is easy. They see others bounce right back from it and have no reprecussions. This is the model placed in front of them by the TV/movies/magazines.
Of course the families do make it easy for them to live out this fantasy. My mom works at a HS and said the rate of pregnancy has sky rocketed in the past 2-3 years. The girls are so non-chalant about it and just leave the babies with their moms or grandmothers. Making it possible to go on with their regular high school lives with no serious reprecussions - just like they see the movie stars do.
It is a horrible trendand I really don't get it. I mean I am pushing 30 and I still don't want a baby!!!
AM, I am a little surprised that you haven't taken this in a different direction. I have heard you speak so eloquently about the expectations that we give to girls, and about what girls are taught to aspire to.
To me, this reeks of a culture that never told these girls that they can be doctors or lawyers. They have no goals beyond turning out children, so they see nothing wrong in starting now when they can do it with their friends.
Just my two cents.
Anne - The movies and TV are definitely a factor...they don't show nearly enough 3 am screaming fits. Have you seen the promos for the new show The Baby Borrowers? They should have made these girls watch that!
Big Sis - I thought about it, but there is one issue that I couldn't resolve. Usually, the low expectations thing is that girls are taught that their value lies in "landing a man". These girls had no such aspirations...none of them did this to get boyfriends of husbands, it was just to have babies. But, I see your point...it is all sorta related.
when i read your blog yesterday i started googling left & right. i find it baffling. and disgusting. and then the couple that was on good morning america today and was refuting the idea of a pact just made me laugh because they, themselves, were unbelievable. you know what, though? you are totally right. the parents are totally absent. or something. my parents knew where i was 24-7 and if i lied? oh boy they would have found out.
I also saw the news programs and what was also said was that birth control was not available to these kids at school. While many adults will agree with this theory, my question is this to the parents of the pregnant teen-agers-- Would you rather buy diapers or birth control?
It has also been said that a pact was made after the girls found out they were pregnant, the pact was to help each other out so that they all could finish high school. At this point, pact or no pact, the girls now have babies to raise and those babies should come first, not all the news media surrounding it.
I almost left a remark to the; 'tv and movies are definitely a factor'. I ended up writing an 800 word essay on circumstance, parenting, and the role of media. I'm not really sure how it happened. Didn't think I should leave it here, it is posted elsewhere. Not really sure how this works...any offense in posting your comment with the my manifest?
damn straight. i totally agree with you on this one.
I think what bothers me with the 'blame Hollywood' mentality, specifically in this case "Juno" is that "Juno" didn't end with her taking her baby to prom and making a hundred new friends in her mom and me parenting class. She gave her baby away, and it was sad, and not glorified.
When people decide to be proactive- to talk to kids, like you talk to Munchkin, that's when positive changes can be made and stories like this avoided. It's the parents/people in places of authority who don't feel it's their place, or are uncomfortable, or too lazy to discuss these matters with their child that these heartbreaking situations occur.
You're doing a great job as a mother to her.
I was writing a comment but I felt too passionate about the subject matter and it seemed to have turned itself into a tome without me noticing.
No one answered...But it's Juneau.
Maria - Good job, and the segue right into my post similar to the movie Juno;-)
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