Monday, February 19, 2007

Sleepovers

Posting early because I am not gonna get the chance tomorrow, I don't think. Everyone returning from the weekend now has a lot of reading (and not much actual content) to catch up on;-)

I was gonna write a post about Britney Spears and her horribly desperate cries for attention, but that is too easy. Seriously...we get it, Brit. Justin and Christina have better careers and your marriage was a sham and you are white trash. Shaving your head doesn't change that. By the way, who watched the kids during her one-day rehab stay? I hate to say it, but K-Fed may be the more responsible parent.

OK, as mentioned, I am officially lifting the "no sleepovers" rule. For the uninitiated, I have been reluctant to let The Boy spend nights with me if Munchkin is home, and I have been shy about spending too many nights at his place as well. He stayed at our place once when his heat was broken, and maybe three other times, total. The reason? Well, maybe I am being a bit of a prude (I know, I know...) but I am concerned about the things she sees.

I think actions speak louder than words do, and I am therefore cognisant of the way I act around her. I never introduced her to boys that I dated until I felt it was a "serious" relationship (of which there has been exactly one since she moved here), and I never felt like it was appropriate for her to see boys spending the night with any regularity.

By now, anyone who reads realizes that I enjoy talking about and writing about sex. I also really enjoy having it;-). I also think that sex is an important part of a relationship...physical compatibility is a big part of overall compatibility. I am comfortable with my sexuality, and I would like for her to be as comfortable as she can, as well.

However, I want her to be a little bit scared of it as well. Sex is not something to be treated as a "small thing"...deciding to do it should be a really big deal. It is not going to be too long before she reaches the age where she is thinking about becoming sexually active (fucking shit, I can't believe I just wrote that sentence...) and I wanna help her put the whole thing into a framework that lets her make good decisions.

I don't know of any better way to teach her to treat sex with the reverence that I would like her to than by showing it some deference of my own. She is not dumb...she knows what is going on when he stays over, and my avoiding that says to her (I hope) that it is not something that should be taken lightly.

I am not sure that really explains it, nor am I sure that my rationale really makes sense. But that is what I think on the subject.

So, why the change of policy? A couple things. First, Munchkin understands that The Boy and I have a serious and loving relationship. She has seen that relationship first hand for nearly a year now (she goes on lots of dates with us:-)) and I am comfortable with her thinking that this level of commitment is now appropriate.

Second, I have already talked with her about the physical nature of our relationship...she asked, and I told her that we do have sex. No real dirty details;-) but I can't lie to her, so I told her the truth. And finally, The Boy has demonstrated beyond any question his commitment to me and his view of this as a permanent relationship. I feel the same way, and I feel like it would be moderately disingenuous to maintain the charade.

Anyway, that is it, pretty much. This doesn't mean that he is moving in...most likely it means that one night every weekend is an "I get super-laid" night...hee hee. And yes, I will sit Munchkin down and explain all of this to her, because I am a dork:-P

13 comments:

k.d. said...

yea, it makes totally sense now - after one year of being together and that level of commitment. great. =)

so please explain where "laid" ends and "super-laid" begins! haha! LOL

Still just me said...

I do not think you are doing anything wrong at all. It is good for a child to see affection between adults. To be able to witness love. On that note, you are not going to be having sex right in front of her, you are a responsible adult, in a commited relationship.

Munchkin is lucky to have such a special person in her life that takes the time to talk to her about the important things in life. I too tell my children the truth on anything that they ask me. Keep the lines of communication wide open.

This also shows a step up in your commitment to the Boy.

allbilly said...

I like that you have proceeded with caution. By getting it out in the open you probably make less of a deal out of it and therefore she is more likely to see your example than speculate about your reasoning. I trust you will weave safe sex, condoms, foams, the pill and every form of birth control available in there. Eventually she's gonna do it and although you make a great mom, I don't think you are ready for Grandma for quite some time.

Kate said...

i think you handle raising munchkin beautifully. good job. being honest always works best because kids are way more in tune with things then we give them credit.

as for brit, the girl is out of her mind.

nicole D. said...

I am dying to know how the boy "demonstrated beyond any question his commitment to me and his view of this as a permanent relationship". Do tell AM.

brookem said...

Sounds like a good plan.

Britney is out of control. Completely agree.

Aaron said...

Munchkin begins reading the blog in . . .

ella w. said...

Maybe you need to put a ribbon on your door when you and The Boy are getting busy so that Munchkin doesn't walk in on you. :p

Major props for letting Munchkin know that sex should not be taken lightly. But we've all have had experiences where we just needed to get laid. Maybe you should save that talk until later. haha.

e.b. said...

It sounds like a good idea to show Munchkin a loving solid relationship. Afterall in a "typical" family setting the parents would display that (hopefully) and it would be presumed there was sexual activity.

Jordan said...

I've said it before... you are so the best sister!

I too, think it's ok now for the boy to spend the night... she knows you're in a long term relationship and not picking up strangers at bars and bringing them home for one nighters.

swatts said...

Sounds like to me that you've got a god handle on things. Enjoy the sleep overs!

Accidentally Me said...

C'mon...not one of you has a "You should be teaching her to wait until she is married?" Not one!!!

k.d. - Hmm...good question, you know it when you see it:-)

SJM - This is where it is easier to be a sister than a Mom...I think it is easier for me to talk to her, and vice versa, than it is for a parent.

Billy - Well said...

Kate - So true, they pick up things you don't think they would. It is hard to keep secrets from them.

Nicole - Maybe offline...but not in the blog for now.

brookem - Seriously, she is nuts.

Aaron - The same day I delete it;-)

Ella - If she is at all like her big sister, she will figure out the "urges" part pretty quickly...

e.b. - That is a good point that I hadn't really thought of.

Jordan - I am, aren't I?:-P As for the strangers, what if he is really, really hot?

Swatts - No problem there;-)

Jordan said...

that's fine by me... but he'll have to sneak in and out :-)