Thursday, February 08, 2007

Thinking about Mom

So, looks like Queen Raina wins my little poll, although there weren't a ton of votes. She is my choice as well, followed by the First Lady of Syria. I think Ella hit the nail on the head...Princes pull all sorts of tail (or Presidents, in the case of Syria). And it was unanimous that Barbara Bush (the brunette who went to Yale) is hotter than her sister Jenna (the blonde who went to the University of Texas).

Anyway, that is about all on that, and Ally beat me to the "Cheating" discussion:-P I don't have a lot to offer that wasn't said over there already.

I am not sure why, but I have been thinking about my Mother a lot this week. If you have started reading recently, my Mother died about a year and a half ago from a series of liver and kidney problems that resulted from her being a heavy drinker for much of her (and my) life. Her husband (Munchkin's father, but not mine) had died several years before that, which is how I ended up with Munchkin.

I wish I was closer to my Mother...I am extremely jealous of people who count their Mom as a close friend. At the same time, there is so much about her that I intensely disliked that I sort of wish I didn't know her as well as I did. The year and a half that she didn't speak to me or allow me home probably just saved 18 months worth of shit that she would have done to annoy me otherwise.

I guess my biggest complaint is that I don't think she taught me to have dreams. She never encouraged me to have aspirations, and even went so far as to discourage them when I did. Is that because she was a drunk, single mother at 2o? I dunno, it could be...and her own mother was not exactly a great example for positive mothering. Maybe she just never knew that she was supposed to encourage me. After all...there is no motherhood manual, you learn it from your parents.

Munchkin thinks much more highly of her than I ever did, and I have to be careful not to spoil that impression. The truth is that my Mother was a much better parent to Munchkin than she was to me. She was older and wiser...and most importantly sober. In fact, despite being the same woman, Munchkin and I had two totally separate people as mothers. She also had a Father, which is a whole other story...

I am not really sure that I can sum up my feelings for my Mother in a brief statement; they are relatively complicated. I certainly didn't have the worst mother in the world (read this...I wanted to write a whole post in it, but I almost got nauseous because I was so mad when I started it.) I guess all I can really do is accept her and all her faults and do my best to learn from her and be the best parent I can...both to my pretend children and any real ones that I ever have.

7 comments:

k.d. said...

the last sentence is the most important. great post. :-)

Aaron said...

Your mother taught by example. It just so happens, that in your case, it's an example you don't want to repeat with your children. (Cute little Muchkin included.) :)

swatts said...

I'm surpised that Muchkin's father didn't want custody of her.

Accidentally Me said...

Swatts - Munchkin's father died five years ago. He was my Mother's husband.

ella w. said...

Maybe in some way your mother was jealous of you. You had to initiative to make opportunities that she never did. But your mother did right by Munchkin.

brookem said...

Hope you are feeling happier as the day goes on.
That story is indeed nasty- it's all over the news. That and the damn astronaut.

Still just me said...

I understand you completely. Three years ago my mother "divorced" me and told me I was no longer allowed in her home. I have stuck to her request and haven't seen or spoke to her although she only lives an hour away.

My life is better for it, but I do think about her sometimes.