Wake me up, before you Go-Go

I will assume from the lack of comments that you all think I am an evil bitch...I guess the truth had to come out at some point;-) And if you had any doubts, how is that for a horribly tasteless Blog Post Title?

Today I am going to talk about the wake, which was Tuesday night, because it was really weird. But, after this, tomorrow you get a really fun post, I promise!

First things first, there was a brief memorial service, which was really just a designated quiet time for my Aunts and Uncles to meet, share some thoughts, and read some things that they felt appropriate for the occasion. To be honest, I felt really out of place... They all knew him, loved him, will mourn him, and feel a sense of loss over his passing. I felt like I was infringing on their time together to say goodbye to their brother.

After that, all my cousins (including Tinkerbelle and her Mom) joined us for dinner. That was actually really nice...nothing fancy, but a good chance to see everyone and say 'Hi'. One of my cousins is a senior in college, and he has two interviews in Boston next week...I think it would be really neat if he moved out here. I am single-handedly trying to relocate the entire Chicago metropolitan area to be closer to me...Lol.

My expectations of the wake were not remotely close to the reality. Honestly, I didn't thin it would be that big a deal. I figured that the people who came would largely be friends of my Aunts and Uncles coming to show support and pass along good wishes. I didn't think I would know many people at all, and outside of the BFFs, I didn't really expect that anyone would come just because they knew me.

The weirdness was really in two parts. First, it is really hard to explain that you didn't have a relationship with someone in a very short time. Typical example: A seemingly nice middle-aged woman approached and said "Hi, I am Sally Smileyface, I am Sweet Aunt #2's neighbor. I am so sorry for your loss." Now, Sally Smileyface obviously knows my aunt, and they have been crying briefly...likely because she has a brother the same age and it made her think of him and yada, yada, yada.

Well, it is really hard to say "I appreciate it, but I didn't really lose anything. Please, spend time with Sweet Aunt, she needs you attention more than I do." The alternative is to either feign sadness (I am not a good actress) or look like a cold-hearted bitch. Now, repeat that scenario like 70 times. So, I ended up with a whole bunch of awkward "Thank you for coming," moments.

This is why I think it is a really good idea that Tinkerbelle didn't come. It was weird enough for me, and I can't imagine how confusing it would be for a seven-year-old who never met her father. It would have been a lot of conflicting emotions.

A surprising number of people who identified themselves as my father's friends showed up as well, and none of them were as shady as I would have imagined. I guess it is sort of a self-filtering process...only people who are moderately respectable think to show up at a wake anyway. I guess I was surprised that he knew that many normal people. I had a really, really interesting conversation with a guy that was one of his best friends in high school and who he had remained in touch with, if not really close. I guess it was nice to see him from a little different, less-useless side.

What really surprised and sort of overwhelmed me was the number of people who showed up just to see me. A lot of old friends from High School came, and it was really great to see them. I don't really know how they found out (my father's name is spelled differently than mine, so you would have to read pretty deep into the obituary to get to "He leaves behind a daughter, AM, of Boston, MA") but word must have gotten around somehow.

The Judge came with his wife, an old boss that I still talk to came, some old neighbors, some of my Mom's family, two teachers. Again, I don't really know how they all found out (do people really read the obituaries that much?) but it was good to see them all. As the night went on, and I saw more and more people that I didn't expect to, I started to get a little more emotional about the whole thing. Not about my father, but about all the people who can do really, really nice things that you don't expect them to. And about how important it is to just show up and be present sometimes.

I know people often feel like they don't know what to say at wakes and funerals. Really, just showing up is 95% of the good gesture, and everything else is just a detail.