Proposal #3

Chicken Fingers last night:-) Me, Munchkin, Smoking Hot Roommate and a couple of our friends...a pretty good night in my book! They Boy joined us later, but he was at work kinda late so he missed dinner. He sure did enjoy his dessert, though (sexual innuendo completely intended:-D)...

Anyway, this is one of his favorite stories...(sarcasm completely intended;-)). As I have mentioned, I have been officially and formally proposed to four times. By this, I mean that four times in my life a boy has asked me to marry him and presented me with an engagement ring. There were a couple other "I love you and wanna be with you" moments, but they don't count.

I already told you about the first two...involving Sam (a six part story...but a really good one if you haven't read it yet part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6). That was difficult to decline just because there was so much pressure on me to say yes. Save for BFFb's timely intervention, I very well may have caved.

On to #3, and this one was really tough for different reasons. Right after the end of my freshman year in college, I got set up on a date. A friend of mine was friends with a kid on the football team and thought we might hit it off. So we went out one night and had a pretty good time, but maybe not great. We went on a second date, and again...he was really nice and I liked him, but I could tell there just wasn't a huge connection. He obviously sensed the same thing, because he called me right after that and said "Hey, I hope this doesn't sound too weird, but I really think you and one of my friends would be great together."

And that is how I met T (that is what I called him most of the time, and it makes for a good blog name, so there you go). He was also a football player and a good friend of the guy I had been set up with to start with. And in this case, the connection was immediate and it was really good (for those cross-referencing, yes, this is the guy I started dating the summer that Sam was out there). Despite weighing about 260 pounds (he is much bigger now!) he was a super sweet, really gentle guy. Plus, he was sort of from Chicago...an even worse part of the city than me...so we always had that in common.

We hit it off right away, and pretty soon I was very much in love with him. I guess in hindsight, we weren't really together all that long. We became serious really fast and were already "together" when the football season got going. I didn't know a thing about football before I started dating him...and still don't, really, but I do know the basics...but I did realized one thing really quickly: he was REALLY good. He was the best player on the team that year, got all kinds of awards and became something of a celebrity.

As an aside...his Mom had moved out to be nearer to him, and she constantly sent me food because she thought I was too skinny:-) That meant a supply of really great, home-cooked soul food. I maybe got a little sweet potatoed-out, but it was all really good:-)

Life is really busy for a college football player during the season, but things went pretty well for us. I always loved that he got along with my friends so well (He and Smoking Hot Roommate used to introduce each other as brother and sister at parties and ask if the other had talked to Mom or Dad recently. The obvious joke is that Smoking Hot Roommate is very clearly 100% white, and T is very clearly 100% black...that always led to some confused people...lol).

Then a funny thing happened...he got too good. By the time the season ended in December, he had a decision to make: stay in school for his senior season or leave early and go to the NFL. The coaches told him that he would likely be a first round draft pick. He was on the fence about it for a while, but I think I always knew he would go. It would have been foolish of him not to...football is a dangerous game, and playing another year in college would have meant risking an injury that could have ruined his career. I would have loved for him to stay, but I couldn't possibly tell him that I thought he should.

So he made the right decision...to leave school and go pro. We talked about it beforehand, and while I wasn't really sure what it meant for us, I knew that he had to do it. It was probably in about February of that year that he asked if I would have any interest in leaving school and moving with him. It as a tempting idea, and I didn't give him an answer.

It was later in March of that year that he asked for real. We had a really nice dinner, and then we drove out to a spot outside Phoenix to just look up at the stars and talk. I knew what I wanted to talk about...I wanted to tell him that I didn't want to leave school. I liked my friends too much, and I was too committed to finishing and I didn't want to leave for some unknown place where I would be alone and have to start over again.

But I didn't get a chance to say that, because he asked me to marry him. He didn't just want me to move with him, he wanted to get married and be together for good. This caused me to reassess my decision, although I didn't give him an answer on the spot. Also, it was a really nice ring and that may have clouded my judgement:-D

This was a much harder decision. I did love him, and I could envision myself marrying him. Further, the thought of just totally losing him was not a really good one either. It never really dawned on me that a long-distance relationship was even a possibility...and I don't think it would have worked, either. And I would have been able to do whatever I wanted...finish school, work, or just kinda do nothing. I could have been a full-time volunteer if I had wanted.

I just couldn't do it. I spent two days thinking about it, and it just wasn't gonna be right for me. School had become home for me, and I didn't want to leave it. I was comfortable there, I loved my friends and I was fully committed to finishing. No one in my family ever went to college, and I wasn't gonna leave one that I loved. And I wasn't ready to get married. I loved him, but we had been dating for less than a year, and at 20 I wasn't sure that I knew that I really was ready to say that he was the one.

So I said no. And I cried a lot and he did, too. It was really hard, it was hard on him, and it was sad. Plus it was weird, because it kind of meant that we were broken up. In truth, we never really broke up...it was sort of unspoken. He was drafted a month later, moved away and I only heard from him a few times after that. There was a very long and very tearful goodbye, but I won't go into it for fear of making myself cry at work.

Sometimes I think about what life would have been like, and honestly, it would have been good. I think I would have finished school somewhere else, although I don't know what I would be doing now. And I would still have Munchkin because we would have been in a good position to take her in. In some sense, it would have been easier, I guess...I would have been able to arrange more time to play Mom.

But I never spend too much time thinking about it...that serves no purpose.

T still plays in the NFL (no, I will not tell you which team!). I don't really watch much, but sometimes Smoking Hot Roommate tells me when his team is on and I watch for a bit. She reports that he is a very good player. I don't think he is married (I googled him to find out...LOL) but I don't really have a source on his personal life now. I could find out if I really put my mind on it, but there is no need. I hope he is well.

So, that is my story...kind of the abbreviated version. A story about a really great guy that I loved and was really sorry to let go. But sometimes...well, you just have to recognize when life is working against you...