Tuesday, January 09, 2007

I see London...

[This is part five of a long story. Read part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4 and part 5 first.]

So, after the bad summer, I didn’t see, hear from or talk to Sam for a very long time…over four years. I still knew where he was because BFFg kept tabs on him though his mom. The total sum fallout of our relationship’s dissolution was substantial: the close bond between me, him, the two BFFs and all of our families was gone forever, and Sam’s life deteriorated significantly. He stopped returning BFFg’s calls and lost tough with her, too.

I never really stopped thinking about him. Not in a longingly romantic way, but just out of curiosity…and guilt, too. But the memories faded over time, which was good…it let me ignore the bad and remember him only for the good. I like it that way better.

BFFg called in October of 2005. Nothing unique about that…I talk to her a couple of times a week, at least. What was unique was what she had to say "AM, I will give you one guess who called me today. And who I am meeting for lunch tomorrow." Sam had called her because, well…I think because he missed her, he missed us and he missed how things used to be. He was fresh out of a second court-ordered drying out period and was looking to get himself back on track.

So BFFg met him, and all went well. He had just started taking classes, had moved back in with his mom so he could concentrate a little more on that, and was working as well. So, at the end of their lunch, he asked a predictable question and delivered the answer I had told her to. Yes, I did want to see him. [Actually, I told her to use her judgment…to kind of decide whether I would want to see him or not…I trust her.] So she gave him my number and he called me the next day.

Seeing him again was extremely difficult. I met him for dinner when I was home one weekend, and I literally burst into tears when I got to the restaurant. It was really good to see him again, and to see him well again. Years and years of stuff came back to me…all of the emotion, all of the memories, and it was just too much for me. I was shaking when I left the restaurant…just too much emotion.

It was good, though, and things are pretty good now. He is still doing well, we talk occasionally and I have seen him a couple of times since then. That includes an extremely emotional day that I brought Munchkin over to see him and his Mom, who I think is finally forgiving me. I don’t think we can ever be that close again…too much water under the bridge…but I am happy to call him a friend.

So that, everyone, is pretty much it. It is a long story, but I hope you have enjoyed it. I thank you all for reading it, because it has been really helpful for me to write it down. It is a HUGE part of me and of my history, and intertwines a lot with some other important parts of my life. Sam was an invaluable friend, a really good boyfriend, my first real true love and someone who made me a much better person. He also put me through some of the worst times of my life and cost me immeasurable amounts of worry. But…he carries a piece of me, and me of him.

[The End…finally…]

9 comments:

Ally said...

I think a lof of us feel that way about our first loves, although there isn't usually a story quite so dramatic as yours. I am so glad that Sam is doing better now and that you guys can be friendly. Good story; thanks for sharing.

allbilly said...

That was really good. A very nice series. It is amazing how people move in and out of our lives and how they help shape our journeys.

e.b. said...

We all have coming of age stories, high school memories and first loves. Yours was just a little bit more dramatic and intense - but told wonderfully. Thank you for sharing.

cat said...

thanks for sharing your story with us.

nicole d. said...

I really enjoyed this story. I agree with Ally about first loves holding a special place. I am back in touch with mine. Although we both know that its not ever going to happen again, we know each other pretty well, and being single right now, I am loving it.

swatts said...

are you sure that you're only 24? looks like you have lived a few life times already

k.d. said...

thank you for sharing. :)

how long did it take to write everything down from pt. 1 to 5?

Jordan said...

I totally typed out a comment lastnight right here and the damn thing didn't go through! I was like, I am so NOT typing that again... it was all heartfelt n stuff. But anyway, I loved the story and glad things worked out. They tend to, you know.. work out.
People come into your life for a reason... sometimes you never know what the reason was for, until years later. I believe you do take a piece of someone with you as they take from you....

laurwilk said...

Very well written. I enjoyed reading all of them. Brought me back to some experiences with my own high school...almost love.