I am taking a brief break from the Sam Story, but I will post the next part today...I just have to edit it and make sure it is in good form;-) Yes...I am a blog dork.
I got a message from Tinkerbelle's mom last night, and I have to call her back (for those unfamiliar with 'Belle...read this and this). The gist of the message was this: "Listen, I have been thinking a lot and I wanted your input on something. I am wondering if I should bring Tinkerbelle to meet her father while she still has the chance. Anyway, give me a call so we can chat."
So I will call her back and we can talk about it today. My first thought is that I am glad she called...obviously it is flattering that she would want my input. I still don't know exactly how I am gonna fit in to her life, but I am certainly glad thather Mom seems to want me.
My next thought is that I really don't know what to tell her. It is almost certain to be the only chance she gets to meet her father, and there is a chance that she will always regret not meeting him. On the other hand, so what if she never meets him? One visit in a state prison doesn't really do someone much good in the grand scheme of things. And, she is still only 7 years old...should she be anywhere near the inside of a prison?
I am pretty sure I know what I think on this, but I would be interested to hear some opinions from the crowd here, so pipe up if you have one;-)
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Quick break...
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12 comments:
Let's think about dad for a moment, even though you, at a minimum, don't like him.
I think HE deserves to see her. I think she should see him. Prison or no prison, he is her father and she his daughter. Forgiveness and closure comes in many ways, and maybe this is one way.
I believe in people. Despite having been around some hardened criminals, I still believe that as long as you are breathing you can ask forgiveness and get it.
I have learned not to judge. Lest I be judged. God works in strange ways, and maybe he is at work here. Who am I to Question?
To me, it just feels like they should meet.
Just my opinion. Worth what you paid for it.
billy - Did you read the whole story? He doesn't even "know" that he has a daughter. He has kind of suspected that he might for seven years now, and even then, he never bothered to find out on his own, he just told me in case I wanted to.
So no, he gets no vote in this, and his interests are not worth shit.
Well here is my imput, as I also have had an asshole father. Though he was never in jail, he just decided he wanted the pussy of his new wife over having a daughter (she made him choose between her and me and he picked her over me his 11 year old...definitely still bitter over it)
Anyway, my dad and her got a divorce and he wanted to get back in touch with me. I refused and blah blah blah. My mom and step dad never wanted me to talk to him ever again and at 18 I didn't want to either.
But his girlfriend when I was 21 got in touch with me and said I should make the choice.
So my input to all this is, though Belle may be 7 years old, I think you and her mother should ask her if she wants to see him. If she wants to then you should let her meet him, if not then it's not a big deal and it's nothing anyone has to stress over.
Seven years old is pretty young to be exposing her to all of that. Would "belle" be better off meeting the sperm donar who never bothered to "check" to see if she had been born? I think not. I would not ask the childs opinion because she will probably want to meet "daddy" even though he is not worth the effort. If Belle was older, (say 10 or 12 )I would allow her to make her own decision.
Although I see that he is not a good guy, he didn't make the child on his own. At some point a mother has to figure out who donated the sperm and in my opinion might just want to let their child know. And if the donor is that bad, then their choice of people they screw might need to be called into question as well.
No one person in a child's life is solely responsible for everything involved.
I feel in this situation, mom is definitely the majority stock holder here. Her vote should count the most.
Finally, if you hate him so much, why waste anytime thinking about him?
Dimple and Bob - I agree with Bob...you can't ask a 7 year old what she wants. She has no idea...sometimes you have to make a judgement on what is best for them.
Billy - I don't spend any time thinking about him. Like I said, what he may want or think is irrelevant, the only relevant question is what would be right or best for the little one.
Also, he STILL hasn't asked me or any of his brothers or sisters whether or not he has another child...
I think that no matter how much a person is an asshole or has done wrong, they are still intitled to atleast meet their offling. Mr. ESPN has no idea who his real father is. His dad took off before he was born and his mom would never let him meet him after that. So now 27 years later he has no idea who his father is and it's not fair to him.
Just so it is clear...my father has not aksed to meet his daughter. In fact, he has not asked me if I found out for sure whether he has another daughter or not. He never made any effort to contact Tinkerbelle's mother after he got out of prison (that time). And yes, he knew where she lived...she never moved.
I didn't know you have spoken to him since the day you found out you had another sister. It's obvious you have made up your mind and don't want her to meet him. That is your for you to choose. Everyone is going to have different opinions on this subject.
I definitely think you should ask Belle if she'd like to meet him, but at the same time you need to explain to her about his situation so she can understand it (as much as a 7 year old can).
I also think that if Dad doesn't even make an attempt to even find out if he has more children, then it wouldn't help such a young child to meet him. The only thing she'll remember is that she went and saw her biological Daddy while he was in jail and then never saw him again. That's such an awful memory for a child to have of her father.
Hard call... would it be better to just tell her about her father (that has shown no interest in knowing of her) or should she meet him in jail and form an opinion of him herself?
As much as this sounds bad (just my opinion)... I hate the fact that he had more children after proving he could not be a good father NOR a good member of society. But my views on this are very skewed... so I won't get started on that!
Hmmmm....this is a tough call. However, I think that one day Tinkerbelle might regret never meeting her father, asshole or not.
Did Blogger eat my comment?
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