I am writing tonight since I won’t be around tomorrow, and I know you all need your daily dose of me;-) Judging by the series of tongue lashings that I took via comments, IM and email today, I feel like people didn’t like my ideas.
However, I don’t think I described what I was thinking very well...because despite not liking what I wrote, everyone agreed with me! I got a whole lot of “You are so cold and bitchy and non-romantic about this,” but virtually every message ended with “I would never buy a house with someone I wasn’t married to,” which was exactly my point.
So, a couple of clarifications, and then you can all have at me again afterwards.
1) I just assumed that any discussion about marriage, children and home ownership would be prefaced with you being in love with someone. I didn’t mean to leave out the romantic parts, I just figured that by the time you consider marrying someone, you ought to be pretty well committed to them.
2) I should have clarified that I didn’t simply mean “Joint ownership of real estate” I meant “Home ownership” as in “We are buying a house for the purpose of establishing a home together.” People co-own real estate all the time, I simply meant owning it as a place to live and as part of a broader relationship.
3) I think marriage is meaningful and important institution. It symbolizes (and legalizes) a commitment between people to devote their lives to each other. I very much look forward to being married, and I don’t take that commitment lightly. There are two parts of it…the legal and the symbolic…and for the reasons cited in Item #1, I left out the symbolic.
So, I don’t think I did a good job of writing that post because the comments all focused on something I didn’t intend (my goal was not to belittle or demean marriage) and much of the ranting ended with statements that agreed directly with my whole basic point.
Ok, now that I have that out of the way…everyone has all day tomorrow to write all of the nasty things they want about what a horrid and un-romantic person I am:-) The bad news is that your comments won’t be approved until tomorrow night, at the earliest.
The good news is that, unless I feel the need to write more on this subject, Friday’s post will be about Munchkin’s Potential First Boyfriend…yes, that makes me smile;-)
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
That's not what I meant to say;-)
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12 comments:
Awww...that's so adorable! Her first boyfriend-that's always so exciting! Can't wait to hear about this =]
Nice crawfishing. You soooo pander to people and fish for comments. :)
Don't let your Munchkin near ANYONE till she's 18 and then have a chastitiy belt on her. I hope its on her now.
God knows you don't want little pervs around her.
i didn't actually think that your post was all that cold -- I was actually surprised by the comments.
Incidentally, my boyfriend and I like to float the idea of buying a house here, but it's so many times beyond our incomes the bank won't actually lend us enough money to do so.
Way to back-pedal there sweetheart. :D
have a great day in NYC today! :)
Munchkin has a boyfriend! Do you own a firearm? Shotguns are the perfect purchase for such a crisis :) I remember when my lil one came home from pre-k one day and said she had some news I wouldn't like and began to tell me she had a boyfriend. It was so cute. I told her "I don't like this one bit". She said "but I can't help it". I told her she could have a boyfriend when she turned 16 :)
I think it is easy to get lost in the money, divorce and seperation aspect when discussing these issues. It is reality and you need to be realistic when entering into all of those decisions.
I am of the thought that AM understood that the love and spiritual aspect of the relationship was spoken for and wrote from that point forward.
Whichever way you look at it, it is a huge commement. It is almost like marriage without the paperwork. You will have to learn how to live together, pay bills together, and yes, raise Munchkin together.
From first hand experience, it ain't easy.
Where are you going?
Well I guess I'm just the idiot cause I did buy a house with someone I'm not married to
Well girl, you know I feel EXACTLY the same way as you on this subject (the shared house ownership subject). As far as comments go, be it as they may.
I, personally, wouldn't buy a house with someone I wasn't married to just because in the case things didn't work out, you have legal things to deal with when getting out of the mortgage. I would rather be married and if things didn't work out, settle all of the legal house stuff during the divorce process rather than just trying to be civil with someone I may not be able to be civil with any longer.
Sometimes it's so hard to portray feelings through blogs, so when people read it they jump to their own conclusion based soleley on what they got out of the passage.
BTW... I had to delete my blog due to issues with my new company... *SIGH* AND I can't check my personal email from my work comp (which I use when I travel, such as right now). UGH
If you have never lived with the person in question, I would recommend living with them in a rented space before buying. Much easier to get out of on the off chance that things do not work out. I have lived with 2 people with whom things did not work out, one who I was pretty confident was in it for the long haul. In retrospect it would have been horrible to drag it on long enough to sell a house bought as a couple. Emotionally break-ups are hard enough without adding a financial burden.
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