No emails or voice mails of note today…lol. Back to just plain old me. However, I have a completely loaded subject that I think will probably lead to some discussion, so here goes:
I wanna talk about religion. (Yes, it comes up now because I was reading Ally and all her comments today.)
Technically, I am a Catholic, in the sense that I was baptized, raised and confirmed a Catholic. I got first communion and all that other stuff, mostly because my mother sort of made me (well, BFFg’s mother made her, which meant she kind of made me, too).
But I don’t go to church. Outside of weddings, funerals and my sister’s first communion, I haven’t been to church in a very long time (hmmm…10 years? 7 years? Something like that.) It is important to note that this is not a result of laziness…I don’t go to church because I specifically don’t want to and dislike a lot of what it stands for. I do believe in God, and I am comfortable with my own relationship with him or her (or whatever), I just don’t spend any time in an organized church. Nor do I feel like I am missing out because of it.
I also think it bears saying that I admire people who feel strongly about their faith and celebrate it in an organized setting. On some level, I sort of wish that there was a church that spoke to me in a way that made me comfortable doing that. But there isn’t, so I don’t.
That’s not really what I want to talk about, though. I have very personal reasons for doing so, and no one is going to change my mind, so it is not really worth angering anyone. My larger question, not surprisingly, has to do with Munchkin.
Am I being a bad mother if I don’t make some kind of religion part of her life? Just because I have numerous problems with the Catholic Church (and maybe organized religion as a whole, but don’t hold me to that), does that mean I should not expose her to it? What if she doesn’t want to? I feel like most parents force their children to spend time in church until they see the value of it on their own (or, in my case, don’t). And should I sit through services of a church that I don’t follow so that she is exposed to it? Is it hypocritical of me to do that and not tell her what I don’t like about it?
So that is where I am now…she goes to CCD classes like a good little Catholic girl (I don’t know why, I guess sometimes I am willing to defer to my mother.) But what do I do if she says she doesn’t want to go, or if she asks me about my feelings on Catholicism, and on church in general? What should I say?
For now, she actually does go to church…infrequently, but she does. Papa Bear takes her on Good Friday, Easter and Christmas and on some occasional Sundays in between. And I suppose if he didn’t, I probably would…guilt, as we Catholics know, is a very powerful force.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
A Can of Worms...
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5 comments:
I stopped going to church after I made my communion. My parents had gotten divorced and my mom wasn't religious and my dad was catholic, but I didn't live with him so my mom told me I didn't have to go to CCD if I didn't want to.
Of course I didn't want to.
But here is where it's going to bite me in the ass, because I never followed through and made my confirmation if I ever decided I want to get married in a catholic church, I have to take those silly speed courses before I do so.
The other half of course went to private school and made his confirmation and wants to get married in a church.
She is atleast attending CCD so I think she is atleast getting her religion that she needs or wants. No one should be forced to go to church if they don't want to!
Like you, I went through all of that as a kid. I've continued through my adult life. Until I divorced and moved to Florida. I've had a really hard time these last few years with hypocrisy. I see it everywhere I go. Turn on the news and you see one scam after another in a church or church related, not to mention the pedophiles. I know that not all churches are like this and I know that not all church goers are hypocrites, BUT... I also know that I do believe. I'm just more of a spiritual person lately, rather than attending actual services. As for Munchkin.. leave it up to her. She's eleven, so she knows now if she wants to continue to go or not. I might encourage her to go, but if she opposes, then I wouldn't force her. It's not a bad thing for kids, just keep your eyes open.
I don't have children, but I've given some thought to this issue. I'm certainly not a fan of forcing children to attend services nor do I advocate shoving a religion down a child's throat, resulting in some type of resentful or blind faith. With that being said, I hope to raise my children in the church. I have fond memories of Vacation Bible School, Sunday school, Christmas programs, and the like, and as an adult, I find that attending services helps keep me accountable and challenges me to grow spiritually. Do I think that the absence of that would necessarily make someone a bad parent? No, I don't. And despite being raised in the church, I explored other religions and was agnostic for a while. I think the healthiest balance is to encourage Munchkin to attend services and/or make the option available to her, answer any questions about other religions (and maybe even take her to the services if she is interested), and try to give her as unbiased information as possible. It sounds like that is what you're doing. And I think it's admirable that you're even thinking about this; it is awesome how you think for Munchkin.
On a side note: I don't know much about Catholicism, but several of my friends who were Catholics have become Protestant and said that they've found it much easier to attend Protestant services and now have a much closer relationship with God. If you're wanting to check out a Protestant church (and I know this isn't what you're asking for, but just thought I'd mention it)--Park Street, which I think would be near you, is supposed to be good.
I would be honest with her about my feelings regarding religion. She will have plenty of time to make her mind up as she grows up. I was never religious and while I was baptized as an adult, I have a problem with all the supernatual spooky christian wierdness that seems to have a life of it's own.
Sit her down and have a series of discussions.
Sorry I'm responding to this years after it was written. It may never be read but I am new to this blog world and enjoy reading from the beginning and so what the heck.
Unlike you, I have not adopted my siblings. But I am the second oldest of eight and my youngest sib is eight so I know a lot about the whole 'sort of' raising kids thing (fortunately, I have no fiscal responsibility).
Anyways, I was raised in a church and while my mother is rather religious my father is ...well, just spiritual. My family has traveled the world and I have lived in Buddhist countries, Islamic countries, Hindu countries, etc. I grew up going to church every Sunday and I now feel as if I have a thorough knowledge on many of the world's religions. In my opinion, this is important. So, since Munchkin is doing all of this world traveling, maybe you should encourage understanding the religion practiced in each place and encourage her to under the religion practiced primarily in Boston. I think it should be more about knowledge and tolerance than it is about belief. Also, I think spirituality kind of grows with age.
Plus, there are a lot of things that you don't want to do when you are younger than you maybe wish you would have done when you are older. I hated piano lessons when I was little but my parents made me do it and I'm very glad they did. I also hated swim team as a youngster but that ended up paying for my college tuition. Church could be good -- or maybe synagogue or mosque?
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