Okay, I thought of this because I was talking about BFFb.
The Boy has lots of friends…which I think we can agree is a good sign. Basically, people like him and like to be around him. Me included:-)
And lots of his friends are girls, which I am not only ok with, but I actually really like. I think guys and girls who can maintain close friendships with the opposite sex display a measure of balance in their personality that I appreciate. This includes on of his very, very closest friends, who I am going to call McBeal. Why? Because she is a lawyer and she is really cute, although she doesn’t have an eating disorder.
McBeal is not only The Boy’s friend, but she is engaged to another of his very closest friends, an old roommate from college (I watched Animal House last week, so his college roommate is hereby called “Otter”). McBeal also dated The Boy before she started dating Otter. The Boy was very upfront with this and told me (most of) the whole story…that he dated McBeal in College but that they sort of fizzled and it was pretty clear that she and Otter had a chemistry that they hadn’t, so about a year after he and McBeal broke up, she and Otter started dating.
Everyone is copasetic; everything is out in the open, yadda yadda yadda.
All fine. I have no problem being friends with girls that my boyfriend has had sex with, and I have no problem introducing him to guys I have fucked, either. Beyond that, she is really nice and made a big effort to make me feel comfortable with all of his friends.
I should back up…they are a pretty close group of like 15 people, some of whom have dated each other, some of who still do, and a couple of which are married to each other or will be. I think I had met them all once or twice when McBeal called me one day and said that the girls in the group were having a girl’s night and I should come with. And I like them all, and they all seem to like me and have been really warm and inviting.
One little thing…I was having lunch with McBeal one day and just casually asked how long she and the boy had dated, because I didn’t know and never thought about it.
“Two years.”
Two years?!?!? That caught me a little bit off guard. I am ok with knowing girls he dated, and knowing girls he fucked, but dating someone for two years? That is a LONG time, and I am not real sure how I feel about that.
I think I am ok with it because it is clear that there is nothing left…Otter would probably be the most sensitive to it, and is awfully close to both of them, and he has no problem with it. I asked him about it once and he just laughed and assured me that there was nothing to worry about.
And I know he is right, but it still weirds me out a bit. I mean, that means she met his whole family as his girlfriend, and was definitely on the “marriage track” if there is one. Can you totally wash all that out of your mind?
Do I have a right to question this? And what exactly am I questioning?
Am I nuts? I am not really a paranoid person, but am I being crazy?
This actually happened like two months ago and I am sort of past it, but I would be interested to hear anyone’s thoughts. So shoot me an email or leave a comment if you have any ideas…
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
More about best friends
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4 comments:
Well Cutie, I know exactly how you feel. Been there done that. Unfortunately for me, I was drunk and handled it the wrong way and it was a big scene (yeah I told you this before). But once I was sober and got over myself, I realized that he's with me and he wants me so eventually the weirdness will go away!
How old were they when they dated? If it was in high school or college, it's kind of different in my mind.
I dated a guy (when I was 25) for a year and a half (and we are marriage track kind of people), and I can honestly say that now we are 100% just friends. We hang out just the two of us, and nothing ever happens. So, my point is that it's quite possible that the attraction/interest they had has passed and that you you've got nothing to worry about.
One upside of guys who are still friends with their exes is that it shows that they don't think people are disposable and actually really value the people they date (even if they weren't meant to be together long term).
Well I certainly can understand feeling unsure about it. however, I think that a person who can maintain a friendship after breaking up with some one displays a level of maturity and kindness not often found among young people (and maybe not even older folks). Just be the best friend and lover to your boyfriend that you can be and everything will probably work out.
I think you are all right, and I sort of reached that conclusion on my own. I am actually glad that I didn't find out right away, because I don't think I would have been as receptive to McBeal as I was. I think it would have changed the dynamic at the beginning.
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