Saturday, November 04, 2006


One very cold soccer game this morning…at 7:30, it was pretty chilly. I did get to break out my little blue wool stocking hat with a cartoon chicken that says “Chicks Rule!” so it wasn’t too bad…hee hee. This was the last game of the season, too.

I got an email yesterday addressed to a bunch of people, asking if anyone wanted to get together next weekend. Really normal, regular kind of thing. One problem though…in the address bar, everyone is listed by the name that the person has them as in their address book. And lo and behold, my email address…MY email address…is listed as “Accidentally Me & The Boy”.


When did I become an &? I don’t want to be an &!!! Maybe someday, but not for a while. Right now I am very happy being a me…I am an individual with my own personality, my own quirks, my own talents and my own value as a human being. This is not to say that I have never considered the possibility of becoming an &, and specifically being Mrs. Boy. The subject has even come up in passing, but always with the understanding that this is like a “years away” not “months away” kind of thing.

Why does this bother me? I know, it shouldn’t…it is one silly thing that one person wrote next to my email address in her address book. But seriously…what gives her the right to call me an &? That is MY decision. Well, I guess it is our decision, because he sure has a vote, too;-)

But am I at risk of forfeiting my individuality? And did I ever have it? I guess I did during college, when I was most definitely a Me. And then after that I kind of gave it up (not really, but part of it) to be a Mom. And now I don’t want to give up the rest of it to be an &.

At least not yet. I know some people are really looking to settle down, have kids, and be a “couple”. By the way, I absolutely hate the word “couple”…I once told a friend I wasn’t coming to her party because she described it as “Oh, we are just having you guys and a few more couples over”…yea, I am kind of nuts, I know.

I guess I wish that I knew what I wanted in that sense. Take a gander at Green Line Boy. As best I can tell (and I apologize for psychoanalyzing at a distance) he and his girlfriend started dating like two and a half months ago and are both completely committed to being &’s. They seemed to jump right into the stage where they had to see each other virtually every day.

Is there something wrong with me? The Boy and I have been together, officially, for almost 8 months now, and I don’t feel like I am nearly ready for that kind of a relationship. Actually, I take that back…I think we might have that kind of relationship…but I am not ready to start to give up my individuality, nor do I want him to do that, in exchange for being known as a couple.

I never want to be known as half of something. I want to be known as my own person, and I want him to be, too.

Is this possible? Am I pursuing the impossible?

1 comment:

Ally said...

I've always said that "1 plus 1 equals 2." It seems like a lot of people think that in a relationship, you're reduced to halves that only equal a total of 1.

Anyway, you're 24 years old, and no there is nothing wrong with you for wanting to pace yourself. Greenline boy and his girlfriend are closer to 30 (I think), and that explains some of the quicker progression.

I think that so long as you and The Boy are on the same page, you're good. I'm a huge fan of taking things slow and not seeing each other every day; I think some things should be left for marriage and being a big daily part of each others life is a big step, whether our culture acknowledges that or not. It's hard to see the trees when you're in the forest, so you're just being smart and not pursuing the impossible.eup