Holidays

OK, I will lay off the X-rated postings today…that didn’t seem to go over well (I can’t help it, it’s me).

I want to talk about Holidays, which I think I have sort of touched on, but want to again. Holidays tend to exacerbate emotions. If you are happy, then they make you happier, but if you are depressed, they tend to make you more so. They bring with them a certain kind of stress and intensity that just makes everything more intense. Especially Christmas, but Thanksgiving as well.

I used to get really bad seasonal depression, and I think the Holidays made it much worse. Fall and winter made me terribly depressed…cold weather, short days, I am not sure what it was. And then Thanksgiving and Christmas always seemed to highlight for me what other people had that I didn’t.

I hate Christmas specials and movies…HATE them. Or at least I used to, I could never stand to watch all of the happy, wealthy, two-parent families enjoying each other’s company in a healthy and productive way. The whole season just made me feel lost, inferior and abandoned.

The depression went away when I moved to Arizona. That, of course, makes a pretty good case that the cold weather has something to do with it…and it might. Mostly I think it was just the completely different mood of the place and of everyone I know. I feel like the people I knew in Chicago always felt a combination of beaten down, victimized, unlucky and resentful. They were unwilling or unable to let themselves really be happy because they suffered, and often took great pleasure in their suffering.

The people I met at school came from a totally different perspective, though. Things weren’t always conspiring against them and wouldn’t always turn out bad. People were genuinely willing to enjoy what they had and the people around them. I think it changed the way I look at the world and made it easier for me to spot the things I should appreciate.

I didn’t get any of the depression issues last winter, which is a good sign. Obviously, if it is the weather, than Boston is going to be just as bad as Chicago. I was also so ridiculously busy last winter that I never even had time to stop and think about whether or not I was sad…hopefully it doesn’t come back this winter.

And so far, so good. I kind of made my peace with the Holidays over the last few years, and I think I am genuinely looking forward to them this year. Well, maybe not the Christmas shopping part, but all the rest of it.